Entries 57
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Purple hat
I am teaching now. I teach college students, in the program I got my masters in. I don’t feel like I deserve to be here. I was not a star student (solidly in the middle) I am really struggling wi...
Tiny dancer
Time moves in different ways than it used to. There are more things to get through the day, but I am continously alone with my thoughts. I often wonder if I was meant to be here, at this point in...
Patterns in the hills
It’s strange to find myself here again. My son was born on his due date in mid July. I labored for 12 hrs (1pm-1am) before going to the hospital. I chose not to get pain meds ( until I couldn’t ...
Coming through
I am 27 weeks pregnant I don’t know how much weight I’ve gained but it’s enough that my body feels like it’s no longer mine. I had an early baby shower (grandparents leaving the state for 6 month...
don't think twice, it's alright
I have that anxious buzzing feeling like there are too many thoughts in my head so I just avoid them all staring mindlessly at my phone Sometimes when I write why exactly I am feeling this way I ...
Mockingbird
There is a mockingbird outside my window. He fights with the scrub jay in the orange tree, both chattering and obnoxious. Sometimes it feels like the show is for me. I stopped writing, I stopped ...
I don't know
I am 2 months away from finishing my masters degree They will let me graduate but I probably don’t deserve it I am behind on several deadlines and the ones I do finish in time are garbage My hous...
sun
it’s the moments that you almost have, that leave a stinging impression in your mind The person I could have been the life I should have been living everything feels like nothing I can’t believe...
and it was
I play a good victim a smile, but she’s not joking tears welled up in the corners of her eyes tiny shivers of emotions but they are insincere I can see it written clearly on your face You see pa...
the bottom
it is the worst moment to realize that everything is perfectly clear, yet not clear at all You have your answers they are not what you want and it makes this way worse
harmony
I am splitting the fractures inside trying to make themselves external I keep hoping that if I hold myself quiet and together for long enough the fractures will heal and things will go back to no...
Ends of the earth
Come and find me where I am true and honest nothing other than what I want to be completely unlike the plastered faces silent smiles that others find the rigid roles we are all forced to play I l...
in the river
you are ok you are here and kind and good love with your whole heart run until your lungs are empty feel the ground beneath your fingers don’t look at that bridge and think of how fast the water...
crystallized
it is a distinct memory a sharply contrasted image of a person I once was the strange joy of driving a forest road at dusk, winding swiftly between trees on a empty road. you don’t say anything, ...
there is a stillness in me
a fragile nature that creeps in slowly maybe I am glass shattered in the moments you least expect a fantastic explosion maybe I will withstand time and carelessness a delicate heirloom to be pass...
17 years
scrape yourself against the crust of the earth the dust of thousands of years burning your lungs feel the rumbles ever so slightly each fingertip on it’s own she is the one that holds all the po...
fast
it is hard to move forward when your strongest personality trait is self deprecation tomorrow I will turn 26 I don’t know where I expected to be at this age was I supposed to be married? Have kid...
6.20.18
I have been 1000 people worn 1000 faces I can be beautiful I can be ugly I can be smart I can be a coward A fact in denial: You deserve to feel shitty about yourself if you do shitty things He is...
WATER
Gasping for air lungs on fire one arm in front of the other I am slow and struggling Have I done this before? pushed down under the surface it roils and boils against me I used to love it in clea...
I am now a regular at coffee shops
hoping to drink away my lack of sleep the world feels large and overwhelming I hope this is the right choice I am glad that I had this opportunity to push myself to the very limit, no matter what...
but here we are
California is burning my heart hurts like my lungs as they fill with smoke and somehow there is also numbness it will keep getting worse the roaring flames will eventually take everything everyt...
quicksand.
Sometimes I think this is the only honesty within me the words hiding here, poured out at inconsistent intervals my idea of who I am is changing this program is erasing so much of that numbness t...
divide
in a series of dichotomies there lies reality objects placed in a metaphysical realm I am the literal, the biologist the concrete and measurable looking for patterns and secrets a story untold w...
virgo
Hi I am alive and OK I guess I am a month and a half into grad school and it has awakened my soul and also pushed me to limits I didn’t even know I had I don’t have time to write right now but he...
hyaline
a slow dance inhaling a golden breath of sunshine your eyes are too much for me so many words unsaid so little time you are all the men I had loved the sparkling future almost forgotten find me i...
