The First Life
by shespeaksmetaphors
Entries 72
Page 3 of 3
Stages and Goodbyes
I dislike saying goodbye. It annoys me, mostly. I like to slip away while no one notices. Whenever I’m leaving, and I’m bound by guilt to say goodbye, my throat gets tense. I hug awkwardly. Sm...
Howl
I’ve definitely been here before. Watching the road feed the horizon as I move forward, staring back. People think of the capacity to feel as only being so much. Like the glass half empty-half...
Choked up
These past two days have been rough. Heavy chest for no reason. My mind has been distracted. Just his presence in this universe has been enough to make my senses vibrate. I can’t shake this. I...
I hope you find your peace
Today, I forgave myself for something I was regretting. I painted watercolor for the first time, spoke to a boy I still love, found the art suffering deep in my soul. I bled out in galaxy colors...
Constants and positivity
Breathe positivity into the world and it will return. In these past two weeks I’ve smiled more than I had in a very long time. My heart feels so warm and full with new friendships. I’ve learne...
I feel you
I’ve been writing with pen and paper. Every day facing the sun in hopes it’ll feed me. I’m reciting the good, the good, the good. Smiling to blank faces and breathing deep into my belly. I’m fin...
Stillwater
I’m making friends. I’ve been confident and dry-humored and charming. If you knew me, that would make sense. I can go out alone and not fear.. Slowly making bar families and catching the eye of ...
Doubt and Wonder
On the one day in....as long as I remember....that I don’t think about you… You find me… Quite literally show me the blood pouring from your mouth. Tell me you’ve been sad.. I wonder if you tol...
Right, and wrong timing.
I’m shut in a white hotel room in a state all the way down south. One I’ve never seen before. I’m thinking of John, still. I always refrained from using his name, but I know he never wanders in...
Monochrome
It’s quiet in my place, despite how I thought I’d fill it with noise, I have not. It’s clean. I didn’t change that part he shaped....I do leave dishes overnight sometimes. And I’ve been getting...
Should Have Known...
It took me less than three hours and 6 boxes to move my 3 years of life out of that house. My mom always said “I don’t see much of you in that house”…I’d make excuses about how I don’t want thin...
Does Heart Mean More?
Greeted with silence, and it still haunts me…weeks later. I can’t remember to take my vitamins, but my brain takes the time to think about you every day. I am 1,467 days older.... I always sai...
Can't take back time..
I’ve been wasting my time, haven’t I? I’m backing into a corner, small in my mind. I shrink every time you walk in the room, and I can’t explain why. I’m cold, lost from touch that means anything...
The past was more present
I keep thinking of a day…or maybe couple of days that have blended together. It was the warm part of Autumn. Leaves had fallen, the colors were bright hues of red and yellow, sunset orange. I d...
Do you hear me?
Goodness.... I dreamt of you last night. First time in a long time. Saw your face the closest I have seen it since April of 2014. I could reach through you if I wanted to. You’ve stuck with me ...
How do I really feel?
I no longer write. I fear I may not remember how to. I draw blank after blank. Does nothing move me? I’m filled with so much uncertainty. I keep it so quiet. I ask for permission. I say sorry a l...
If you knew me
I don’t write any more…At all. Anyone that knows me, knows I am an artist of sadness. My creative spark comes from negative feelings. I wish he knew that… Since that day in early June, that I r...
Weeks
105 weeks... A fire pit, it's early morning, some time in what must have been March or April. The coals are dying out, the logs are ashy, an old love confessed all he had faced and learned over o...
Scatterbrained
Sometimes I still find myself aimlessly searching for lost words. Ones meant to creep upon my eyes. We'll pretend we both don't know, like we used to, for a time. Those aren't the times we have n...
Weather and Underdogs.
These clouds have been hovering for days. Grey, grey, storm clouds, threatening in color..my hearts beats with anticipation..yet, in the days that have passed..not a single drop has fallen. Inste...
Structure vs. Shifting
This weekend felt so textbook suburban lifestyle. What is this regular life I have begun to engage in? It barely feels real. I've got 10 minutes until reality sets in again. The work week. Ba...
Which of the standard lines will we use?
“You awake? ” I never am when he sends me that these days. His life seems all the same, just with someone who isn’t me. And there I am, fast asleep on any given night, in different places th...
Book Description
All the rants and rambles that add up to be my life on the daily.
I try not to be typical and boring, but life can be just that..
I’ll try to document a lesson with each step here.