Entries 55
Page 2 of 3
A small rant
I really don’t know why I have to do this, but I know that if I don’t, I’ll be tempted to say something - probably the wrong thing - to the wrong person, and cause a big argument for no gain what...
An actual picture of us
Possibly vomit-inducing
I have to write here, because this stuff needs to come out, but I don’t want to make all my friends in the real world, or on facebook throw up in my face. There’s something about people being re...
Happier than I've ever been
The last entry I wrote here was June 6th. I suppose I owe you some sort of information about how things have been going. I guess the title of this entry should give some sort of clue, but that'...
You won't believe this. I hardly do myself.
It's only about 9 days since I wrote an entry in which I said I cry every day, that I can't see a way out of the hell, that all the men chasing me had been told I didn't want a relationship etc. ...
Update
I don't know where to start really. The last time I wrote it was just after that dream. The dream put me into the worst phase of the depression and I became suicidal again. My lowest day was t...
No better really
I suppose the fact I'm still here is some kind of victory, but it doesn't feel that way to me. My closest family and friends are suffering from compassion fatigue. The people I need the most ar...
The state of the union
I've been writing private entries for a while, getting it all out, sorting through everything, trying to get my head on straight, but I need to say a few things in public, because first and forem...
Adjusting
I've had a horrible up and down few days, but my doctor has adjusted my medication (doubled it, basically) and it's made an astonishing difference. I feel much calmer, I'm thinking more clearly,...
A much better day
Since sending the email, and receiving his reply agreeing to all my terms, I've felt a sense of peace. I've had a long chat with my son, who now is starting to see things a little more from my s...
Asking him to leave
I've sent him an email. It's my fail-safe method of communication when I'm so angry I can barely speak. I've asked him to first of all move out of our bedroom and into my daughter's old room. ...
Practicalities
My friends have all been telling me to boot him out, change the locks, get on to the divorce lawyers and get on with my life. It's easy for them to say all that, they're not me, they don't feel ...
Angry/sad/irritated
I'm not sure whether I'm doing this on purpose to make the pain easier, or if he genuinely is starting to irritate me because I'm so angry with him, but either way it's made me less tearful. I'v...
New meds
I saw my doc this morning and he's put me on some new tablets - Venlalic XL 37.5mg, which he says will help me to feel calmer. They do have similar side-effects to the citalopram, so I've warned...
Another blip
Suicidal thoughts again yesterday - and I had the best opportunity to deal with that, as I was here on my own for hours, and could have just run a bath and found something sharp. I started think...
Mental health
I don't like those two words juxtaposed. I think there's a stigma attached to anything related to mental health, whether that's a bout of depression or full-blown paranoid schizophrenia. Mental...
OK day, bad day
The title of this originally had the word good in it, but that's a bit strong. I have days when I'm almost OK, and days when I just want to disappear forever. But it's important to document it....
Welcome to hell
I don't even know where to begin. What a week it's been. I got prescribed some anti-depressants when I visited the doctor, and they had entirely the wrong effect. Such that by Wednesday, I was...
Over, done with, gone
Rather than hang about hoping my husband will see sense, and try to work things out with me (he won't, all his language, including his body language, says there's no way), I've called it quits to...
I honestly never thought I would write an entry like this one. I don't want to write it, but I know if I don't, I will have nothing to come back to later for perspective, insight and all of thos...
The great Southeastern train debacle
I'm seriously considering writing an open letter of complaint to Southeastern. This is the train company I give FOUR AND A HALF THOUSAND of my English pounds to every year to get me to work and ...
How do I?
I haven't a clue how to make my entries 'members only'. I don't intend to do that with a lot of them, but you never know. I might only want to talk to my old OD buddies (which frankly, is proba...
More on photography
I don't want to become a photography bore, but (oh there's that word - and everything before the 'but' doesn't count, we all know that). OK, move along now unless photography interests you becau...
The new hobby
Actually, I think it's becoming more than a hobby and turning into a passion. I think I might even be getting quite good at it - but that's not really for me to judge. For my last birthday, my ...
Still settling in
I'm off work today with some weird headache/nausea virus nonsense. I'm fine so long as I don't try to stand up, or do anything energetic. If I stand up, it's like someone dropped a pile of bric...
Book Description
I write about the kind of things that would normally fill the pages of a novel. In other words my life (which is odd, to say the least). I work in telly, I have discovered a number of siblings I never knew I had, my children are musicians, and I’m currently estranged from them both due to a manipulative liar of an ex-husband, and I just about manage to stay on the safe edge of sane. Well, I claim to, I’m not sure anyone would really believe me.
