littlefallsmets ⋅ 46 ⋅
I write words, I sometimes get to perform them out, sometimes I'm even paid. And I'm trying to get it right, get it right.
with enough repetition, your flaws become your style
Entries 5,475
Page 101 of 219
janu18 in idea barrages
1.) American Politics On Credit: Hate The Female Politician Now, We’ll Tell You Why Later. 2.) Bill Channel didn’t get rich off his “Weather Channel” by understating winter weather. He got rich g...
everything must go in poetry
I call my underwear Sears because no one goes in there anymore and the people outside agree with me that it’s a sad turn of events but the sympathy does not extend to folks trying to get in...
in the arms of a pterodon in poetry
after every Jurassic Park movie comes out there’s a spike in baby dinosaur adoptions because they’re just so damn adorable but within a year, most of them get abandoned in the forest or ...
strictly business in poetry
the generationally wealthy are the dumbest people in the world because there is no penalty upon them for being crushingly cruelly ignorant their actions bear no consequence on them so knowi...
hazardous materials in idea barrages
we are fractured ephemeral slivers of stars that are briefly conscious of self these hazmat suits made out of meat that we might interface within reality without shattering into nothing, n...
the grammar alt-right are just as bad as regular old grammar Nazis but a lot dumber the Soup Alt-Right is just as bad as the Soup Nazi except he’s just microwaving Campbells Chicken and Stars...
charlie in the middle in poetry
I can’t find a middle name for Charlie Brown ruining my joke about him being bullied past the point of breaking and assassinating his hero the baseball player Joe Schlabotnik always being ca...
janu17 in idea barrages
1.) Leave it to the History Channel to pretend that African folk couldn’t figure out how to build the monuments and instead find the one crazy white guy white and crazy enough to blame it all on ...
key word: palpable, title: you better watch out in misc. flash fiction
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus but it’s a little bit more complicated than just that. There are countless Santas out there, depending how you define an individual. Santa is a sort of hive-...
janu16 in idea barrages
1.) After every Jurassic Park movie, there’s a spike in baby dinosaur adoptions because they’re just so cute and within a year, most of them get abandoned in the forest. When you drop a dinosaur,...
janu15 in idea barrages
1.) The Star Wars premise of “ain’t gonna work on Beru’s farm no more” functions for either a Dylan parody OR a Rage parody. 2.) These evangelical born-agains don’t follow Jesus’ path, they follo...
janu14 in idea barrages
1.) I often say that there should be a chef-themed metal band called ROLLING BOIL but only today did I realize the lead singer should go by the stage name “Gorgon Ramsay”. 2.) A hack of TOMB RAID...
janu13 in idea barrages
1.) You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you can even pick your friends’ nose (if that’s what everyone’s into) but you can’t pick your friends’ battles. Focus on picking your own. A...
janu12 in idea barrages
1.) Don’t have heroes, have influences. Heroes tend to crush you when you find out how much of their public image is a sham. Influences are fluid, changeable, negotiable. It goes without saying t...
janu11 in idea barrages
1.) It started by telling you that a black politician couldn’t possibly be American and then by telling you that a woman who can lead must somehow be a fraud. When they tell you who they are, lis...
mirage-a-trois in poetry
as long as you keep navigating by the mirage of perfection that stays at the horizon no matter how fast you can run you are never going to get to the good stuff that is actually here to be fou...
the townperson's lament in poetry
stop smashing all my pots, Link what are you hoping to accomplish? stop smashing all my pots, Link they were very expensive stop smashing all my pots, Link what does smashing my pots up hav...
cause and effect in poetry
yes, a single flap of a butterfly’s wing can down a chain of causal dominoes trigger off a hurricane a continent away but that’s not why the butterfly flaps any triggering of butterfly effect...
the pragmatic bleeding-heart manifesto in poetry
you don’t plant a seed only because you think you’ll live to see it in full bloom or because you think that your grandchildren will do the same if you think those are the reasons why a...
janu10 in idea barrages
1.) No no, it’s not a Cloak of Invisibility, it’s an Invisible Cloak. It won’t make you invisible but it will make you slightly warmer than your enemies suspect. 2.) Fraternity legends speak of t...
janu9 in idea barrages
1.) This week in “Terrible Pharma Ads On Facebook Where The Generic Name Sounds Like An NPR On-Air Talent” is CHANTIX (varenicline). “For Marketplace, I’m Varen Icline.” 2.) Curiously, the plural...
janu8 in idea barrages
1.) Before the rats leave a sinking ship, they are known to cause quite the commotion. 2.) I just wanna know what Dante’s Disco Inferno would look like. 3.) Today’s song for the dog is to the tu...
janu7 in idea barrages
1.) The cops almost caught the Victoria’s Secret shoplifting bandit but in the end, he gave them the slip. 2.) No, the nerdiest thing I could ever write would be a parody of Ozzy’s “Mama I’m Comi...
janu6 in idea barrages
1.) Captain Kirk time-travels into a Target in 2019 and is suddenly very sad, assuming the entire staff is about to die on the next away mission. 2.) Every time you get a receipt from CVS, an acr...
janu5 in idea barrages
1.) The Old Milwaukee ban at the Utica Human Pong match would reek of “desperate P.R. stunt to remind us we have a Human Pong team” except that the reek of the Utica Club is covering up that smel...
