novelistbynite ⋅ 41

Mother of three daughters, plus a stillborn daughter. Novelist. On novel #19. Married. For now. Pansexual. Raising a lesbian, woot. University student (English and social work.) Class of 2021. Mother of an autistic daughter.

"Don't dream it, be it."

Richard O'Brien

Entries 88

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March 23, 2020

Antsy in April Showers (April 2020)

I really miss school. The daily routine of it was good. I liked waking up and getting in my car and toodling off. It was a relief. I only had to think about me for a while. Me, and the amazin...


My last post was coming up every time I tried to make a new one. this is an experimental one. Well, it’s visible and it seems to be working now. So I’ll…just write. Right. Psychotrickerist deci...


March 13, 2020

Digital Letdown in Snowspangled

Unlike the old, (crappy) tune about the digital getdown, which was definitely not a clean concept, I am experiencing digital letdown. I hate the sudden switch to online classes. I hate the brok...


I should, but I won’t, tell my psychiatrist crap because she always threatens to hospitalize me but 1 - she never does it, and 2 - I don’t have time for that bullshit. I have trouble getting yo...


March 09, 2020

Probably whining. in Snowspangled

So. Do you remember last week’s drama? I’m not gonna forget it anytime soon, for sure. The short form is that the damn bitch child of the roommate that doesn’t speak to me has told a CPS worke...


So, puzzling turns of events. No, still married to Dickface, and he’s still clueless. His latest thing is wandering around asking me what he DID. Because he treats me FINE. Because this used ...


February 20, 2020

To do list from hell in Snowspangled

I keep looking at what it would take to finish school with both majors. I still want both…even though I know the writing one could be sacrificed. It does me no good, I know it. I love it anywa...


If I had my life to do over, and I knew everything I know now, I would have applied to university from high school. I was afraid I’d get in and not be able to afford it, and basically get laughe...


February 15, 2020

Dancing with Myself in Snowspangled

I kind of win the bet I made with you guys about whether he would remember Valentine’s. Technically he did remember, but at 12:27 am, so it wasn’t Valentine’s anymore. But still so early he pro...


So I tried out that makeup I bought today. It was a bad idea. I just can’t seem to stop crying it off. I’m okay, though. Good as I ever get. I shouldn’t be crying. Other than that time I miss...


Well, the journal-y people call it their “level 10 life” but mine is completely failed, so it’s really just a circus. There are monkeys. Family and friends: Actively avoiding about 50% of my s...


February 08, 2020

Hopscotch in Snowspangled

It’s the weekend. Kind of like a restart. Except you still have ten million things you didn’t do last week hanging over your head. I’m peeved at my husband. (This is not new.) Today’s crime: ...


February 08, 2020

Locke and Key in Snowspangled

No, no spoilers. That’d be rude. I’m just sitting here thinking, “jeez, this is the shit I loved eight, nine years ago…” and wondering if somehow I am one of those mystical unicorn indie kids wh...


Because it’s not a wonderful thing. No, seriously. All that hearts and flowers business is bull. Love is really about saying “hey, here’s the one special person who can rip my heart right out ...


January 18, 2020

Been awhile in Snowspangled

It has. It has been awhile. This is for a lot of reasons, most of them bundled up with my fun combination of rage, despair, learned helplessness, and sheer avoidance. Talking about shit ain’t ...


where is my motivation no time for demonstration smoking…my…inspir....a-tion… I think. That was from memory. Rabid Green Day fans may accept my apology. Woke up being shouted at. Very over sle...


There isn’t any point to life at this point. But what the fuck, I’m lazy, I’ll just sleep til I die. Or until people wake me up to tell me my phone is full, can they get rid of these stupid pi...


December 06, 2019

Fuck. in Candy Caned (December 2019)

Still fighting the dean of students. I feel as though she’s threatening me. I sent her an email detailing my reactions to the discussion we had Wednesday and how I felt she had demeaned me by s...


So I had to meet with a bunch of high muckety-mucks today. Because when shit went bad like two weeks ago (before Thanksgiving?) I used the school food pantry, which is supposed to be consequence...


I feel like a broken record, there’s rarely any happy here. So I fought with RP friend again today. I know it’s damn stupid, but I returned to an old site, and I signed up two characters, both o...


I used to laugh about this shit. I mean, it was kind of funny. Who gets triggered by someone else’s experience? Me. That’s who. This forensic mitigation case has begun to give me nightmares, g...


Everything’s exploded again. It’s exhausting to have this much shit be wrong with my life. I’ve had to see the dean of students. She wanted to know why I couldn’t get divorced now, so I had t...


I’ve been crying all day. Doesn’t matter what it is, anything will set me off. I just cried a couple of tears over popcorn a second ago. There’s nothing wrong with the popcorn. It’s very butt...


was on a patch on someone’s backpack. It kind of encapsulates my life right now. I’m up against some kind of wall: it’s part stubbornness, part apathy, part the speed of the changes, part proc...


Nano. Day 3, technically, although I haven’t slept yet and therefore, I am not making word count. I am very slightly ahead of the curve and that is fine. I planned a grand parasail into the no...


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