It turned out to be a car stereo in 2021

That thing he “had” to do with my car, I mean. It was a car stereo. He’s been promising me one since 2018, so that only took about 2.5 years. Faster than that vasectomy he promised, right? That took 8 or 9 years. Installation is Thursday. I watched him pay for it, so it’s technically all real and settled - no “I thought about it and didn’t get there” stuff like he’s done before.

I could wish he had consulted me about the stereo - after all I have TWO ears, (he has one) and that’s my car. But I guess I’ll let it go. Part of me is ecstatic he remembered. A lot of me is disgusted at ecstatic me that I am willing to be happy with so little. I often think hard about this upcoming divorce and I wonder if I am terrified because I fear I will lose “a good man” or because I will no longer have to set the bar so low and be happy just to be noticed. I can notice me just fine. Snowball is fecking happy to notice me all. day. long. He just got down from a Boob Sitting Session, and that’s okay. Kind of. I need the love, I guess.

Today’s grocery shopping day. I need a menu done in an hour or so. He took my car to cash a check. (It’s the only car right now, anyway.) When he comes back, I’ll vanish for an hour or two. I really treasure my alone time.

Spawnetta is being horribly attitude-y these days. It’s the awful teenage eye rolling sass mouth bird flipping crap. She needs a job, I think. They do tend to settle your hash damn quick. The twins and the horrid roomie’s child are tv addicts and they’re always staring at phones. I’m so sick of that. Sometimes I feel like the whole house went zombie and I’m just going to be the last one alive. Not a happy thought.

But sometimes I think if they all dropped dead, I probably wouldn’t notice right away…because they’ve got so little to do with me since I have SO MUCH to do outside of this hellpit. I like outside. I…hated being trapped here.

When jail lets you out at the end, are you allowed to hate that you have nowhere to go?