Entries 3,137
Page 9 of 126
mar 29
What we absolutely don’t need is a ventriloquist puppet with a huge posterior going viral on Tiktok with the name “Thicc Dummy”. 3 AM asks as it always does “How much in your life have you sc...
mar 27
I feel like the best name for a children’s show teaching English-speaking kids the Spanish language would be “Vitamin Si!” I love when there’s a story about an actor “willing” to go back to a...
mar 25
I enjoy embracing complexity, paradox, the internal contradictions of humanity as we the each of us contain legions. I revel in the fact that we are never just one thing or the other, there is ...
mar 23
Some people hold grudges so long, they’re practically dry-aged, that’s how old the beef is. I have now realized that the optimal parody of Bob Dylan’s “Mississippi” would be about the Superma...
mar 21
A joke one of my dreams last night wrote -“At my school, we didn’t have Proms or Homecoming Dances, but we did have something similar we call Ligmas.” “Ligmas?” “You know, Ligma Balls.” “…sir, ...
mar 19
Before his fall to the dark side, was Anakin Skywalker “The Battle Himbo of the Republic”? It’s easy. The subtitle of the second film in every series should legally be ELECTRIC BOOGALOO, the ...
mar 15
Don’t you worry about me staying hydrated. Coffee is, like, 99% water. He could be glam in a classy Bowie way or glam in a trashy RATT kinda way. He was glambidextrous. I hope in the deep l...
mar 13
“Federal Breast Inspector” and “Certified Nursing Assistant” are pretty much the same thing from a… certain linguistic point of view. I refuse to believe any time was cut from Avatar 2. You d...
mar 11
Cocoa Puffs, part of a mentally imbalanced breakfast! “As If Editorial Consultants: Service with a Simile!” A goth Marilyn Monroe burlesque dance / drag act / parody song called “Demons Are...
mar 9
I’ve come to the realization Reagan defunded the American mental health system, closing most in-patient mental health facilities, not to save money but rather to boost voting numbers for his po...
mar 7
If you use a clay kiln to bake your rum cake into a flat-bread, that’s naan-alcoholic. All you really need to fuel a starship is to go into a drug store, buy a bunch of antioxidants and oxida...
mar 5
A workplace sitcom about a funeral home called MOURNING PEOPLE. A movie about a serial killer who beats people to death with a weighted purse called ACCESSORY TO MURDER. “Are you getting ov...
mar 3
Considering there are two classic good-bad movies where Santa battles the Devil and Martians, separately, it implies a shared universe where a movie about the Martians battling the denizens of ...
mar 1
But what’d be even more terrifying than the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would be the Four Horsegirls of the Apocalypse. Did we ever get a Ghostbusters / Pac-Man crossover? There’s a lot o...
feb 27
The problem isn’t telling rich morons like Trump or Musk what they want to hear so you can take their money. They morally deserve to be scammed! The problem is all the rubes who will believe th...
feb 25
SIMPLY / HAVING / A PROBLEM WITH ALL THESE MIMES / SIMPLY / HAVING / A PROBLEM WITH ALL THESE MIMES It’s a cross between “Hooters” and “Chili’s” and it’s called “Fapplebees”. How did they n...
feb 23
If we really want to go into space, have we considered smashing antipasto and pasto together and harnessing the energy of their mutual annihilation? If you’re hired to run a snowplow in the p...
feb 21
Must be crazy to be the leftovers after a big delicious meal. It must be like The Rapture but for food. Dating a heating-and-cooling mechanic comes with fridge benefits. The Christmas song ...
feb 19
I still like to believe that “The Babysitters Club” was named not after the protagonists but rather the cudgel they shared to bludgeon particularly unruly children into slumber. Did the alt-r...
feb 17
A fusion of Gallagher and Jim Gaffigan, “Gaffigher”, who ends every show by smashing a bunch of Hot Pockets. The people at Hasbro are a bunch of Trouble makers. Why call it a “dairy” when y...
feb 15
Why call it “analingus” when you could call it “taint and sip”? And America can stop pretending to care about soccer for another four years. I would want to say “Work to be kind but have fu...
feb 13
In North Dakota, Super Mario Brothers 2 was originally called Okie-Dokie Panic. The greatest name for a punk rock band is, of course, JON ARBUCKLE’S FAT PUSSY. A parody of Paul Simon’s Koda...
feb 11
My capacity for guilt is bottomless. I just felt guilty for not having heard of a celebrity who passed away. I saw people being moved by his work (I am not versed in recent pop/rap/R&B) and...
feb 9
All I know is that my Winnie-the-Pooh / Little Shop of Horrors mash-up is going to include the song “Suddenly Eeyore”. Tubi or not Tubi? Not Tubi. Definitely not Tubi. Okay, okay, I get the...
feb 7
A parody of Ray Stevens’ “Guitarzan” about the near-infinite human rights abuses that had to occur to make the Qatar World Cup a possibility. On those reality shows about plural marriage, it’...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
