Miss Chiffs Manager (One) ⋅ 38 ⋅
Mom! / Biodynamic Urban Farmer / Naturopathic Doctor / Anthroposophist / Mystic / Avid Reader / Writer Extraordinaire / In Pursuit of Moral, Physical, and Intellectual Excellence.
The ending is written into the beginning
Entries 778
Page 18 of 32
The guy who never gave a shit. The very last time I saw my dad, it was at my cousin’s wedding when I walked up to say goodbye, and he gave me a disgusted sneer and said nothing. That was 2 years...
I’ve caught myself doing it twice in the last 2 days! Uhg. I don’t want to characterize it as “cringe”, but it is… At least that’s how I feel, and how I imagine others feel. Both times were spea...
A Faceless Manic Murderer in Dreams
My dream was short, chaotic, confusing and alarming. I was just sort of an observer- I wasn’t in or part of the goings on, nor even a person at all in my dream. Just an observant ghost with feel...
Family, dreams in Journal
Time with the ex army aunt and her family was actually quite nice. DH echoed my own personal feelings on the way home. He told me how he was pleasantly shocked at uncle E’s (aunts husband) self ...
Says DH. “What?” I look up from staring dreamily at my baby. “You’re glowing! You look really nice today.” DH repeated. Huh. At first I feel a bit of warmth - like a genuine reaction to a kind...
Body Image in A Childhood Lost
Assessing my own body image has been difficult. Because it’s… well… complicated. Body image comes not from being told things about ourselves, usually, but from our same-sex parent’s self image. ...
Expectations in Journal
I’ve realized that our toddler, W, isn’t like the other kids some time ago. But I hadn’t connectedwhy until maybe this morning. I mean, I know why- peaceful parenting. But more specifically, it’...
Who wants this? in Journal
Not the first time I’ve contemplated the possibility that my mom wants for me to get away. I almost buy the idea that she is rooting for my freedom. Because of her over the top sympathy, her vic...
Smiles in A Childhood Lost
I like listening to the call-ins because delving into childhood is so fascinating. Analyze your first dreams. You cannot think about them too much. They are the distilled philosophy of life bein...
My friends are great. Too great.... They brought over meals and gifts for the new baby, and I really want to say ‘thank you’- and now Xmas is right around the corner! I think I will give them Xma...
We Went Out in Journal
Yesterday for the first time just me and the kids. It went really well. Idk why but I’m continuously shocked at how well mannered and willing to please our son is. The terrible 2s is more like t...
Where you goin? Yes we’re going nowhere at all for Christmas! We went nowhere for Thanksgiving either and it was glorious. We had a few friends over, and then DHs grandma and aunt stopped by last...
Dissociation in Journal
DHs grandma and aunt came over the other day. DH was noticeably dissociated/distracted while they were here. I pointed it out to him, today, and asked if he’d noticed. He said he did. And told me...
Happiness again, FIL again in Journal
I told DH the other day that I’m so happy that I almost feel guilty about it. We had an interesting discussion about how most people hate and attack happiness. The most obvious and hyperbolic exa...
Died Suddenly in Journal
Was disturbing. I can’t get the images out of my mind. I’ve seen the pictures before floating around from different articles and they all look pretty similar even from widely disparate places an...
Apparently stay at home moms and housewives are the happiest people around. I’m really starting to understand why. And I’m beginning to resent the prejudices that my mother, govt schooling, femi...
Yesterday, I found out DH saw and talked to his dad last week at the grocery store. This little bit of innocuous information isn’t particularly important in itself, it’s that I found out not fro...
I’ve been mom to my girlie Lexi Bird for 1 blessed, glorious week! She’s a peach. In and out. Our son was so laid back once we met the initial challenges, and this girlie is so good natured righ...
She’s here, on 11/11/22, which is another cool number! Water broke last night at 10:30, and 5 hours later she was here. It went so fast, yet every moment seemed to take an hour at the time. It w...
Getting help has been biggest concern for this newborn stage. I’m selling into the newborn routine quite nicely. I thought I’d be more tired. But really with a few 2-hour solid sleeps in a day, I...
Until my EDD! Mercifully, the contractions that had been almost non-stop around the clock stopped last night. They weren’t ‘real’ contractions, but annoying and uncomfortable enough to keep me aw...
Contractions slowed down mercifully at about 5am and I slept till about 830. I don’t remember having them this strong this early, last time. I’m 39+2 today. Still 5 more days until EDD, but I’m n...
I feel close in Journal
Everything feels very close… My cat who almost never sits on me came around and sat on me today. My son has been extra super cuddly. I feel like I’m in the time in between. You know, the time whe...
dead man on the way to grandma’s house today. We were just coming over a bridge and saw a few cars being waved back, so stopped to turn down the nearest road (DH was driving). As we turned, I gl...
Are you Dangerous? in Journal
Soft eyes is how we describe the relaxed awareness of a good rider. Hard eyes is a focused, lazer-like attention at is particularly alarming to prey animals like horses- for obvious reasons I wou...
