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I don’t know what to do I get these instances of compelling urges to do things that don’t make sense. And, especially when I percieve that I’m making a decision that affects someone else, I he...

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9th of January and 2026 is a 1 year. There is a phenomenon which I dubbed the “911 rule”, in which events taking place between September 8th and 12th have a special resounding quality that car...

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Everything is happening for me and not to me. Even this. Even this. Even this feeling of frustration, humiliation and loneliness is for me. How can I perceive it as such? How can I meet it pro...

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It has just now this very moment, after all these years, occurred to me that I have never explained my handle. Well, it’s my cat. Her name is Miss Chiff. She is the lord floof of this domain. ...

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more attention to the divine celestial bodies. I keep having these profound experiences and later learn something is going on in the heavens at the moment I noticed a huge shift. But this wa...

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feels like family. I have hardly anything in the way of gifts. I feel like I’ve done enough throughout the year. My knack and talent for bringing transformational messages into people’s lives ...

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I write a lot

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today, that my Sweetness is just under the surface, that it’s there, just under a thin and thinning shell. Lol I’m reminded of my Shelly nickname. They knew. It’s not a coincidence. Nothing ...

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I can see how and why my life has played out in exactly the way that it has. The realization of Ruthlessness- of having no pity- has opened my eyes to seeing every one of my own choices without ...

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Almost moment by moment, of the seemingly impossible things that keep happening. They keep happening. I look down at my own body; my legs, my feet. They are planted firmly. I feel my muscles....

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The Toltecs say that there is a realm of pure affection which underlies this entire realm. I don’t know if any of that is true or not. But I do feel this affection. I feel it like a vague (but ...

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Enough to run around outside with my son for a few hours. We built a big sledding ramp with snow and sled down it a bunch. I also just ran around for no reason other than I felt like it. I hav...

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Insecurity that I can’t quite identify plagues my mind. The sense of realness of this place is starting to ebb. I remember how Black Beauty was redeemed. And I wonder if the so-called flyers ar...

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“ordinarily, dreamers are merely voyeurs. The way your journey turned out, you two got a ringside seat and lived the old sorcerers’ damnation. What happened to them was precisely what happened t...

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The county recorders office and Out of some background haze a woman greeted me at the counter. “What can I do for you today?” She asked. I gave her the quilt claim deed. She tried to read it...

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Sweeping the kitchen I become aware. Who is sweeping the kitchen? Who made the decision? Who is running this program? Because it is a program.... It is not something I consciously decided...

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“Lack of energy is what put a lid on your memory,” don Juan said. “When you have sufficient energy, your memory will work fine.” “Don Juan’s argument was that I had two choices. One was to foll...

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I woke up with a profound realization and memories that I haven’t had access to in 17 years. I woke up and remembered the moment that I wished away my ability to see energy and spirit. I wishe...

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Throughout my time in the Denial Years, I was still acting and living from the same place. Or, the same forces were acting on me and being transmitted through me, digested and transformed, into ...

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I felt astonished by her beauty. I stood in the cold for many minutes, oblivious to my hands and face becoming red and painful. This morning, she still graced us with her magical presence even...

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and Humility. Always in balance. Always dancing and throwing more shit for the other to catch! Lmao On the front of work and giving and striving to “evolve”- I have realized I’m stalling and ...

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Feelings of anxiety constrict my chest. “Now you’ve made a mess.” I cringe. I say that sometimes, when my kids make a mess. It’s a funny thing to say. We already know there’s a mess. Why say i...

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I’ve been on a hunt, of late, to satisfy my interest in my self. Small self, if that wasn’t obvious. I am enneagram numbers 4 and 8. First, number 4: The Individualist. Fours are self-awar...

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It has been suggested to me that I am spiritually bypassing. I didn't know what that meant so I looked it up.  Spiritual bypassing refers to the tendency to use spiritual beliefs and practices...

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and gratitude fills my heart today. I recognize now like one looking back on a dream, that even my want to defend myself against my mother’s egoic ignorance is a wounded healer dynamic. Gratit...

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