Entries 373
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My relationship
To J is changing. I am noticing a distinct lack of anger, bitterness, resentment, contempt, etc. I have an idea that I was so set on making it work that I would never allow resentment to build u...
Ring around the Rosy
I feel an urge to show my children self love, confidence, a healthy reciprocity between parents. I feel desperate, full of remorse, and distraught that I cannot do that RIGHT NOW. I have such ...
Confirmation bias
And other doubts About my own ability to navigate reality plague my thoughts. “How would I know? Is there evidence for that? Are there any counter examples?” Runs like a stuck record through ...
I have
never been one to really internalize my beauty or goodness. And that’s not, so far, a huge tragedy. It has caused me to develop deep thought, to utilize my not-insignifiant intelligence, and to...
It's amazing
The agony of a decision being made, And the complete bliss of having made the decision. Christ as my guide and truth as my goal I sail forth into the world once again
Do you find it
Difficult To treat those who treat you the best, the best? Or, do you treat those who harm you the most, the best? Do you strive for true reciprocity, or do you appease those who threaten yo...
I feel as if
I’m in one of my own novels How strange to have been so prophetic. I live my daily life almost perfectly oblivious to the goings on of the insane world- and I look around once in a while to c...
They wouldn't do it
If you didn’t want to see it. Don’t lie. You’re addicted to watching the news. Watching the world crash and burn. Your eyes fuel it. Your attention keeps it going. Why not see what your atten...
Life is really
REALLY good I feel like my mind has expanded tenfold We’re in a perfect position to buy a forever piece of property DHs family convinced him that they suck. I barely had to do anything excep...
This might be my
New favorite color [url=https://postimg.cc/zLzwjLqk][/url] [url=https://postimg.cc/v4LLf7wB][/url] [url=https://postimg.cc/F7Sxs5P0][/url] At least in the top 5 Definitely my favorite of wh...
Orientation, Free Will, and Perception
This morning, I performed an at once fascinating, amazing, and awe-inspiring act. I was dreamily reviewing options open to me at the moment; why should, or would I choose one option over anot...
Being attractive
Isn’t actually all that great. People lie to you more. People are less likely to listen to you. And while, yes, pretty privilege is a thing, it’s also a thing that people are aware of pretty ...
Pay me now
Or pay me later It really interesting, I’m finding that I am forgetting a lot of things about my childhood. Not forgetting, as in I don’t know that they happened, but as in, it never comes to ...
Fresh Buns
New litters are always exciting! [url=https://postimg.cc/8f8Xfxby][/url] I’ve been shelving the boxes inside bc of the cold- they’d actually probably do okay outside now that it’s high 20’s, b...
The moment
That I realized I was so strongly empathic (empathetic) that I mistook (necessarily) my mom’s experiences for my own completely changed my life. It was really not that long ago. 4 years? But it...
Are we clear?
Seeing all of hubs family over on the other side the court room wasn’t just impactful, it was concrete clarity; “we reject you and your interests. We have zero respect for what you think is best...
Alignment
I don’t have any kind of plan. I don’t think I ever decided that I had an end goal - either for my life or for my family. What I have is more of a serious contemplation of each choice that is ...
Amazing
FIL got up on the stand and called me evil and vile. And the judge obviously granted my PPO order. Just amazing how much an idiot and an asshole this man is. Just to say, I never once called ...
Questions
Keep it simple. Keep it concise. Prove what needs to be proven, and nothing else. Mr N, are you happy and satisfied with your current relationship to my children? The children shared by my husb...
Betrayal
The PPO hearing is tomorrow. I feel very shaky. Anxious. Angry I am reminded of the feeling surrounding my brother and my own father. The terror of standing up to the man. As a small child, I d...
I am thoroughly
enjoying that I just now got the hearing notice in the mail. So FIL probably would have gotten it today, or maybe will get it tomorrow. Which leaves him exactly 2 non-weekend days to prepare or...
Why not?
Might as well detail the hellish ordeal that it is to file for a PPO. The county clerk is a complete joke. Spent a solid 2 hours going back and forth to get THEIR paperwork filed, which was EXA...
I'm Noticing
that when I’m sad, or hurt, I tend to get blame-y. IT MUST BE YOUR FAULT! lol Who do I know that sounds like that? So, in the interest of self-knowledge and honesty, I have begun to really exa...
Dear FIL,
It was not pleasant at all to see you at the barn today, How is that aggression going for you? I am a sucker for a good argument. Man alive do I just love a good argument. Exclusively those argu...
Time
Votex and Portals. My time has shifted. I’ve had startling revelations where I realized it was me, always me, talking to myself through time. I can’t really explain it, of course. I only have ...
Book Description
Thoughts, and Whatever else.
