Entries 571

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I’ve revolved around the sun 31 times today. That’s starting to be quite a few times. I’m further along into a new decade. I feel some things coming into place, but still so much is unknown to m...

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8 (I think) long months later This is what I think healthy looks like: You communicate. “I’m a space and time person.” “I know I’m getting there.” I listen, I respect. I communicate. You listen,...

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I was reflecting on single parenthood earlier today. I’ve been a single parent a couple of different times; this time I’ve been doing it for a little over a year. I am fortunate in that I have tw...

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The second vaccine was much easier than the first one. I’m not sure what the possible explanations are for that, but I’m grateful all the same. I’ve been thinking. As usual. I have been learning ...

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Everything is just chemical reactions. My brain doesn’t seem to have the correct calibration for being in this world of such stimuli. I wait and wait. But it never changes. Every now and then wh...

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My arm is so sore, I can’t lift it. Hurts bad. Took ibuprofen. Temp elevated. Thank you, immune system, for doing your job adequately. Vaccine 2 is scheduled just in time for Valentine’s Day. Fi...

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since feeling is first who pays any attention to the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you; – e.e. cummings I have spent most of the last year in controlled solitude, building stability, cr...

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A couple of weeks ago I gave up on a dream. My therapist led me to a realization today (as she usually does): not doing your dream is not about a lack of capability or focus. Some things are just...

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Working from home today. I started taking medication for hypertension last week. I’m relatively young, thin, I exercise, I eat okay, I rarely drink, I journal. My life is busy, but not as stressf...

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I think I’d be worn through either way, pandemic or not. I talk about it like a line out of my social playbook. A way to connect myself to other people, like a grid map of phone lines and operato...

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Things have been less chaotic recently, and I’ve actually been able to leave work at the time I’m supposed to. That’s not to say that I’m still always evaluating my surroundings and how that alig...

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I don’t write here much anymore. I have a difficult time trusting these journal sites. Recently… – I started a new job. I like it a lot. I’ve learned some new things, and will continue to. I’m ge...

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You know when I wrote about how I was frustrated with people commenting on my body? It must have worked on the universe because I’ve heard “you look great” a lot instead, which is a good change. ...

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Maeve is one month, three days old! I can hardly believe it! The past month has been really great. My husband was home with me and the baby for four weeks. He’s so good with her! He gets less sle...

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I’m done with grad school!

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Just a quick entry – I’m taking a break from writing my last paper for graduate school… I wish it was over. I’m only about halfway through it. Ugh. I just feel so done. Maeve is doing well! She’s...

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Can people refrain from commenting on my body? It gets really annoying. Before having kids it happened. During pregnancy it happened. After pregnancy it keeps happening. Just stop. It’s also get...

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I started writing in a paper journal that my husband got me for Christmas. I think it was a hint that I need to do something meaningful for myself. The entries are much different from my online j...

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I don’t know how to rest after having a baby. I keep feeling okay, then doing too much, then getting achey again. I forget that my body just went through a physical trial and I need to give it a ...

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Maeve was born yesterday (April 5) at 9:12am! She was 7 pounds, 5 ounces (only one ounce bigger than her brother!), 20.5” long. I was in labor for about 13 hours total. Here’s the story: It was a...

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I might be in labor!?! Oh dear! I’m ready? I’m not ready? I don’t know! I’ve only been having contractions for four hours but it feels like the real deal! We can hope, anyway. I was similarly con...

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Waiting. I didn’t gain weight at my last appointment, which is promising because it could mean labor is near?! Well, I am hoping so. I’ve been having unpleasant stomach things and nausea too. St...

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I’ve tried a bunch of wives tales this weekend knowing it was all in vain, but here we are. Spicy food? Check. Sex? Tons. Walking? You betcha. Babylon 5? Yes. Oh, that’s not one. Well. Nothin’ bu...

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I’m 2 cm dilated. I wish my doctor would give me effacement details, but she never does and I always forget to ask! I’m still in a bunch of pain and having irregular contractions sometimes. My fl...

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I don’t feel great. I’m wondering if my body is gearing up for labor very soon. I have had consistent period-like feeling in my groin since last night. I was so nauseated I couldn’t sleep, and g...

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