Alice in Chains ⋅ 37

The first rule of project mayhem is you do not ask questions.

Entries 34

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My Wife left me. Just those four words are difficult to say. To myself. To anyone. Women talk so badly about men. How terrible they are. The guys I know? We don’t talk like that, no matter h...


1 day ago

Flush. in Open Diary.

It is important to wipe after you defecate. But you already knew that. However, how many times do you flush? Upwards of four. “But why so many?” So glad you asked! Naturally, urination requires...


September 01, 2020

On Hair. in Open Diary.

This is about Lord of the Rings, the PJ adaptation. I could pre-tangent into how males and females are perceived in current Earth with a given length of hair, but this isn’t about that. So. Hum...


August 26, 2020

On Cup Size. in Open Diary.

Why isn’t there a ball size rating for male knickers? You ladies are lucky. Your labia tucks away. So aerodynamic. Even if you have an endowed clitoris, you are probably not factoring that in whe...


August 15, 2020

First World Problems. in Open Diary.

You just showered, washing every key crevice including your anus. You have equipped a cute and comfortable thong. And then you realize. You require defecation. .....Bah. You know you’ve been ther...


August 06, 2020

Eyesight. in Open Diary.

I was going blind. Right eye. Sensitivity to light, teardrops, disgusting crusties in the morning. This had been going on for over two years. I kind of resigned myself to being blind. Driving w...


July 29, 2020

Vagueblogging. in Open Diary.

You really think masks don’t work? Oh, your “science” on the microns of masks and the microns of Covid-19. Do tell your Doc “oh, don’t wear a mask, they don’t work” if you ever have surgery. Are ...


July 28, 2020

Friends. in Open Diary.

Real friend: Gosh, I love this human, and enjoy spending time with them. Even if time passes, I know they’ll be there. Also real friend: Oh fuck, they know so much about me. I’m scared to share n...


July 27, 2020

Itchy and Scratchy. in Open Diary.

Been shaving my genitals on and off for decades. Never an issue. Super easy, barely an inconvenience. Shaved off my goatee recently and UGH. IT ITCHES. MAH BARE CHIN DOTH NOT LIKE STIMULATION.


July 27, 2020

Levels of Tinnitus. in Open Diary.

A: High pitched ringing in your ear. 2: Low bass in your ear. D: Middle-range waterfall. Omega: A singular insect outside when you are trying to sleep. I can’t knock on my window all night to shu...


July 23, 2020

End-Times. in Open Diary.

I consider myself an amateur history buff. Love watching documentaries on WWII, or Nixon, or the development of the modern calendar/time system, or how nations came/ceased to be. We real American...


July 18, 2020

Chekhov's Gun. in Open Diary.

Good writers already know about this. If there is a rifle on a wall, deliberately introduced in the first act, it should be fired in the second or third act. In other words: foreshadowing. I am t...


Since humans have had a case of the stupids lately, by “man”, I mean “Humans”. Women are man. Been meditating too much on Lord of the Rings. And DS9. One man can change the course of history. I ...


I did not invent the concept of mashed potatoes to describe the numbness/neutralness of depression. However, I have expanded on it as a shorthand for my mental state, as opposed to a numerical sc...


July 10, 2020

Sit to Urinate. in Open Diary.

I’m lazy. I prefer sitting to standing. There, that’s the entry. Alas, society. As a cisgender dude with a semi-functional penis: why the frak are boys with penises taught to pee standing up? No...


A: The participant with a penis/testicles should be completely shaved. 2: Water-based lube. This will aid in scrotal stimulation. Don’t forget the inguinal crease. D: Avoid the glans until near ...


June 26, 2020

Fade to Black. in Open Diary.

As a teenager, I didn’t like my dad much. So, I picked three heroes to model myself by. In no order, Weird Al, Fonzie, and Spock. Weird Al is a comical, creative human. Fonzie is feared, yet neve...


June 26, 2020

Reed Alert. in Open Diary.

This is referencing Enterprise’s Malcolm Reed. He said there should be some sort of alert that activated defence and offensive systems. Meanwhile, in the 24th century, Riker says “Red alert, shie...


I have seen Wrath of Khan too many times to count. Yet it just occurred to me - he optimizes “the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few”. He told Khan to take him and spare his crew. Hi...


June 22, 2020

Chaotic Evil. in Open Diary.

Having recently finished Breaking Bad, I’ve been contemplating where each character falls on the D&D morality chart. Or whether each character is a hero, villain, anti-hero, or anti-villain ...


June 12, 2020

Pineapple. in Open Diary.

Wife has a lot of stuff in the back room. She has been slowly working through what things to keep, what to donate, and what to get rid of. She said something offhand which perturbed me. Appare...


June 11, 2020

Be cool. in Open Diary.

While I have thankfully repaired my relationship with my dad, I had three role models growing up: Spock, Weird Al, and Fonz. I feel like I mastered Spock for a time. Calm, cool, logical, but also...


June 09, 2020

Offense vs Defence. in Open Diary.

I adopted my girl felines August 31st, 2012. As littermates, they will be eight soon. And always my babies. They are far past playfighting with each other. While not cuddly with each other, also ...


June 02, 2020

Second Life. in Open Diary.

I feel like I have accomplished everything I wanted to do in life. And lost it all. I need to keep going. Not for anyone else. But, for me. As much as I should remember these decades, I wonder i...


Step A: Buy a box of Kraft. Step 2: Follow the instructions on the box. Step D: Enjoy.


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