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1.) Why name your Canadian comic book character something boring like “Captain Canuck” when you could call him “Bro Canada”? 2.) The weirdest thing about youtube is, if you’ve been a fan of a cha...

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1.) “Santacon” sounds less like an excuse for a bunch of people to get drunk and dress up like Santa and more like a sub-genre of fetish anime that I have no desire to know anything about. 2.) Th...

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1.) Genuinely stupid people aren’t the problem. Average people who think they’re so damn smart they can stay ignorant of everything, that they don’t have to learn because they’re just so goddamne...

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1.) I’d rather work on a world where people are more humane than spend my time complaining that people looking for safe-spaces from the inhumane are “weak”. They’re not weak or sheltered, they ju...

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1.) Sometimes I wonder what DRACULA and FRANKENSTEIN would’ve been like if the same broad story strokes were the same but you swapped the authors. 2.) The name of the most recent facebook porn bo...

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1.) The Jolly Green Giant. Huge, if true. 2.) I love it when someone points out that an older celebrity looks healthy and youthful for their age. I just want to say “yes, they are a multi-million...

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1.) I’m more of a baseball guy but even I can tell you the NFL would be more interesting if they shrunk their playoff fields a little. Watching a bunch of .500 teams beat each other over the head...

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1.) You prevent stage fright and polio the exact same way, a whole lot of shots. 2.) All I have of this parody of the Laverne and Shirley theme song so far is the line “DOIN’ IT YAHWEH!” but it i...

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1.) Iron Man and Thor settle their differences with Thanos over beers and wings, enjoying a broadcast of space-football in a bar somewhere, in AVENGERS: FRIENDGAME. 2.) An Eagles track called “Wa...

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1.) A certain kind of snow, powdery & light but ceaseless, slow but seemingly endless, like it will never stop, like God has realized the mistake of this planet, of the human race and has dec...

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1.) Your Christmas version of “Hooked On A Feeling ” will be called “Hooves On The Ceiling”. 2.) I get that they’re leaning into the “Mary Poppins is magic” thing in the trailers by having her re...

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1.) The Alaskan version of “who’s on first?” probably has something in it like “Juneau!” “I know what?” “No no, Juneau?” “What are you asking me what I know?” Etc. 2.) Direct cheesy horror movies...

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1.) The inside of this dog’s face must be magic. I see everything he eats and nothing that goes into his mouth smells one-tenth as awful as when it comes back out as breath. If only we could turn...

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1.) It turns out that Mario and Luigi are the sons of Dr. Joyce Brothers. 2.) Tom Holland can Voltron together with like twelve other Toms to create the unstoppable kaiju monster Tom Netherlands....

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1.) I wanna just wander around looking at the world, at the people, at the things they’ve made, I am of the sub-species meander-thal. 2.) If your cult makes its own dairy products in its fortress...

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1.) On one hand, the elder Bush did horrifying things as president. On the other, he at least feigned WASP-y gentility & was by all accounts an educated person of above-average intelligence. ...

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1.) Tell me you weren’t disappointed when you found out “SHARK TANK” was a game show starring venture capitalist douchenozzles and not about the adventures of a crimefighter who drives a tank tha...

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1.) Try to convince someone that Thor Ragnarok was released in Japan under the title Loki Loki Panic. 2.) They were performing surgery on that grape to splice in gorilla DNA. Soon our cities will...

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1.) For all I know, if there’s a bot running around copying me, maybe it’s better at being me than I am. Maybe I’d have to friend him and take notes. 2.) I don’t know if the dish “puttanesca” was...

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1.) Your fish out of water sitcom about an American going to the Middle East to teach English in a prep school for the elite will be called WELCOME BACK QATAR. 2.) Surprisingly few chainsaws were...

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1.) People who act oblivious aren’t always, really, sometimes we know the worst is probably coming but we act like we’re assuming the best because acting tough won’t change anything if the worst ...

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1.) A Mr. Rogers song about facebook: “These are the people that you maybe know, that you maybe know, that you maybe know, oh these are the people that you maybe know, they’re the folks you’ll ne...

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1.) Today’s song for Ollie: “whoooa, there’s no dog there, WHOOO-OA, LITTLE TINY BEAR” 2.) Had the Blur song “Beetlebum” been a radio hit, it would definitely be a song about the Beagle Boys from...

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1.) A parody of Bob Seger’s “Kathmandu” about crab rangoon, sure. 2.) “Tekashi 6ix9ine” sounds less like a rapper & more like an obscure anime, maybe about women who pilot giant robot battles...

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1.) Waiting for Neil Young to reinvent himself as a rapper called Young Neil. 2.) Interrobang is both a rarely used punctuation and the name for the water-boarding fetish. 3.) On a long enough t...

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