1.) In two years, the end of year wrap up stories are going to be insufferable with “2020 Hindsight” wordplay.
2.) The realization hits how many inner city school shootings happened for decades but we didn’t notice until it happened to suburban white kids in Columbine. Unfettered guns have been killing us far longer, God help us.
3.) A remix of John Cage’s 4‘33” called “How To Escape The Wheel Of Samsara Without Ego Death” where you’ve taken the chunks of silence from the original piece but moved them all around into a different order.
4.) Your death-metal cover of “Hit Me with Your Best Shot” will make it worth calling your band Pat Minotaur.
5.) A mash-up of “Dogs Playing Poker” and “The Last Supper” called “The Last Pupper”.
6.) Everyone loves the mascot for Monopoly, Rich Uncle Pennybags, but everyone forgets his weed-dealing relation, Rich Nephew Dimebags.
7.) Take the stage name “Ana Nirv” and get filed in the record store right next to Nirvana.
8.) The results of an online quiz are not a legally-binding diagnosis. Not yet.
9.) what do you do between adventures/what do you do between adventures/what do you do between adventures, when you are role-playing?/hey, just hit the tavern/hey, just hit the tavern/hey, just hit the tavern, when you are role-playing
10.) I’ve always enjoyed the linguistic verisimilitude of the fact that penicillin is for when your penis is illin’.
11.) Considering how often his cartoon revolved around his intense paranoid delusions, it’s good that Doug ended up founding the Funnie Farm.
12.) I want Jude Law to reinvent himself as a Steven Segal-like B-Action-Movie star in his late career and star in a movie about a kickboxing cop called RULE OF LAW.
13.) Things you are not owed: a date, sex, romance, a “chance”, affection, let alone with your idealized target when you don’t want to put in the effort to even not be a damn creepy creep, and you don’t get to be mad about any of the above.
14.) Everyone thought Bill Paxton was Bill Pullman’s natural equal-and-opposite enemy when, really, it was Bill Pushman.
15.) When someone says that they have “combo skin”, I like to think they mean that the surface is crispy pretzel and underneath it is delicious nacho cheese.
16.) If Benedict Cumberbatch isn’t in the movie Bandersnatch, why did you even make the movie?
17.) I have really specifically strange dreams, like last night it was after the nuclear apocalypse and we were trying to revive the television series “Night Court” to lift the spirits of the survivors.
18.) LIFE HACK: soggy overcooked rice? just throw a few iPhones in there to absorb the extra water!
19.) When two people fantasize about each other without the other knowing, that’s when a succubus or incubus can be conceived.