Entries 43
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Impulse
Been working on long hair for too long. I just felt strongly compelled to shave it all off, no idea why I shaved it all off. No idea why. Now I wanna be sick. No idea why. What the hell is ...
Another hit ..
Woke up this morning to find out one of my long time friends has passed away. It’s just completely knocked me for a loop. He was a great guy, and a great friend. He will most definitely be misse...
So... here we are again.
It’s been a while. I know. But I’m back to needing a place to shout into the void, that no one around me can hear. I dunno what’s worse, my mind, or my damn heart. So where to pick up? Cat is f...
Unmatched..
Weeelllllll shit. That didn’t last long. So the girl I was talking to on a dating site went from being all enthusiastic about meeting me and all into me just suddenly decided I wasn’t what she wa...
Been a while...
I’ve been having a good time of it. Not really. And the heat isn’t helping my mood. I’ve had no motivation to do much of anything. Oh, I’ve had the desire to do things. Just, no motivation. I wa...
Trapped...
That’s how I feel here. Now it’s just getting worse. Language warning. Part of my moving plan requires the purchase of an enclosed trailer that I can put my car, motorcycle, and a few other thing...
Another One...
I keep seeing the same girl all over the place for the past couple of weeks. In my neighborhood out in the burbs, in Seattle, out on the east side, out in farm land, it’s getting kinda creepy. I ...
The following Tuesday...
I didn’t sleep all that great last night, and I’ve spent my day in 3 different boat houses, one of which was about an hour away, where I had to climb 26 feet up the side of the building without a...
Worst Monday In a Long While
I got blindsided by news I should have expected. A VERY harsh reminder of how my own bad decisions, and sacrificing friendships and relationships over really stupid reasons has left me in a posit...
Flailing....
Falling. Sinking. Failing. That’s what I feel like. I can’t be bothered to do much of anything. I woke up this morning, and thought to myself “I should install that outside light next to the side...
Cleaner..
I don’t know if it was a manic spell or if I finally got a break in the depression, but I went on a cleaning spree today. I’ve been letting things kinda pile up, and neglecting what needed done f...
Take a chance. Do the right thing.
Be kind, for the sake of being kind. Do something nice, and don’t expect anything in return. Just do it. Don’t try and take credit for it. I’ll be the first one to admit, I really don’t have any...
Overconnected...
I’ve made that comment before, but I don’t remember if I made it here or not. I have a lot of ways for one to get in touch with me, but the contact I would really like to make, hasn’t happened ye...
Guilt/Shame
I’ve always been on the shy side, especially about some things. I can know a girl likes me, I can know she wants me to ask her out, and I still get shy and embarrassed about it. It gets even wors...
Long time gone...
So today was actually fairly decent for a Monday, up to a point. Made it a bit more than halfway through my day, before I got hit with a totally unexpected memory out of left field. I have no ide...
Hurt, but mad as hell.
So I mentioned a few months back that I had started talking to MC again. Someone please tell me why the hell I keep giving people who have done me wrong more than one chance. Okay, I get that I p...
Crowded Solitude
I was in Lowe’s the other day after work to pick up a few things, a stiff bristle brush to clean up the underside of the mower, some new leather gardening gloves, and some masking tape to protect...
Decade...
That’s how long I’ve been here. It was official yesterday. And now it’s time to get the fuck out of here. Gov’ner Dimslee has mandated we all must wear masks when we’re not solely alone. Apparen...
Timing issues and memories
Was supposed to do two jobs today, but the first one was a complete cluster bleep. Had to make lots of modifications. I was actually relieved when I called the second customer and she made the su...
Coffee Crashing and Mental Anguish
Today is day 3 of me coming home and ending up crashing on the couch, completely out of energy after work. I started thinking about it today, and I think it’s the coffee. I normally order a mediu...
M and lonliness...
Today has been absolutely horrible internally. I can’t get M out of my head. I haven’t heard from her since October. She did me very wrong in a way that she knew I wouldn’t be able to take. She k...
Broken...
I have an Instagram now. Apparently, I had one a long time ago, but I uploaded one pic of myself and then seemed to stop using it for a while. J more or less forced me into getting one again, so ...
faking smiles...
I fake smiles too easily. I don’t like that. I get no benefit of it. It’s not conveying the true nature of how I feel. I feel like the girl I thought was my one ripped my heart out, stomped on it...
Pain...
Today I’ve felt a heartache like someone died. Like I’m dying. It’s the first day working since January that my phone’s not gone off with a message from M. I don’t know why I want to hear from h...
Darkness...
I opted for that title for two reasons. One, we’ve hit that part of the year where it’s quickly shifting to longer nights. The other is I’ve hit something I wasn’t expecting, and my depression is...
Book Description
These may not be the happiest entries, but they’re the deeper bits of me.
