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Emotional Crap.

by He Who Must Not Be Named

Entries 30

Page 1 of 2

7 days ago

Guilt/Shame

I’ve always been on the shy side, especially about some things. I can know a girl likes me, I can know she wants me to ask her out, and I still get shy and embarrassed about it. It gets even wors...


October 12, 2020

Long time gone...

So today was actually fairly decent for a Monday, up to a point. Made it a bit more than halfway through my day, before I got hit with a totally unexpected memory out of left field. I have no ide...


October 05, 2020

Hurt, but mad as hell.

So I mentioned a few months back that I had started talking to MC again. Someone please tell me why the hell I keep giving people who have done me wrong more than one chance. Okay, I get that I p...


July 24, 2020

Crowded Solitude

I was in Lowe’s the other day after work to pick up a few things, a stiff bristle brush to clean up the underside of the mower, some new leather gardening gloves, and some masking tape to protect...


June 29, 2020

Decade...

That’s how long I’ve been here. It was official yesterday. And now it’s time to get the fuck out of here. Gov’ner Dimslee has mandated we all must wear masks when we’re not solely alone. Apparen...


Was supposed to do two jobs today, but the first one was a complete cluster bleep. Had to make lots of modifications. I was actually relieved when I called the second customer and she made the su...


Today is day 3 of me coming home and ending up crashing on the couch, completely out of energy after work. I started thinking about it today, and I think it’s the coffee. I normally order a mediu...


June 06, 2018

M and lonliness...

Today has been absolutely horrible internally. I can’t get M out of my head. I haven’t heard from her since October. She did me very wrong in a way that she knew I wouldn’t be able to take. She k...


October 15, 2017

Broken...

I have an Instagram now. Apparently, I had one a long time ago, but I uploaded one pic of myself and then seemed to stop using it for a while. J more or less forced me into getting one again, so ...


October 04, 2017

faking smiles...

I fake smiles too easily. I don’t like that. I get no benefit of it. It’s not conveying the true nature of how I feel. I feel like the girl I thought was my one ripped my heart out, stomped on it...


October 02, 2017

Pain...

Today I’ve felt a heartache like someone died. Like I’m dying. It’s the first day working since January that my phone’s not gone off with a message from M. I don’t know why I want to hear from h...


October 01, 2017

Darkness...

I opted for that title for two reasons. One, we’ve hit that part of the year where it’s quickly shifting to longer nights. The other is I’ve hit something I wasn’t expecting, and my depression is...


March 14, 2017

Down day...

Today has been one of those days where my mind just won’t shut the fuck up. I come home, and it only gets worse. It doesn’t help that “Fault In Our Stars” is on at the part where they’re in the a...


February 26, 2017

Long week...

It’s been a draining couple of weeks. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. All around. I’ve had a great convo with J the last couple of days, which has been a definite help. M has also been some he...


February 08, 2017

Plusses and minuses

I cannot get out of this slump. The usual ensues, I’m fine at work, around customers, around the office, etc, but once I get home, that’s all over and done, and it’s all down hill. I’ve been havi...


February 05, 2017

So utterly broken...

I guess I never really realise how badly broken I am until something causes me to fall apart. I was watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and it got to the part when Dumbledore is kill...


February 02, 2017

I said it.

I finally said on Facebook that I’m not okay. With Facebook’s ordering algorhythm and the people I have on my friends list, I figure 3 people will acknowledge it (J, S, and Nana) and probably com...


January 31, 2017

Not gonna make it.

I dunno if that’s accurate, but that’s sure how it feels. I finally have the truck I’ve always wanted. I haven’t driven it in over a month. I like my car. I barely drive it. I want to get the gar...


January 29, 2017

TheVanishingAct©

So M and I have been talking for over a week now, relatively consistently. It’s been on me to start the conversation. I don’t like that. The other side of it is emotionally, I want her to come ba...


January 06, 2017

Memoriam

Dad’s been on my mind today. Not sure exactly what set it off, but yeah. I’m wishing I’d written down some of his stories, or better yet, recorded him telling some of them. Not like I didn’t have...


December 31, 2016

Emotions on high...

Sometimes I seriously hate being emotionally enabled. Today has been absolutely crap. Everything is setting my emotions off. Happy scenario or thought, sad scenario or thought, and I can feel my ...


February 11, 2014

Again...

A friend of mine moved back to the area from Idaho, and got in touch with me today. She came by the store, and I walked over when she got out of her car. Her first order of business was to give m...


February 08, 2014

Another Day

It's frigid here. Below freezing. So cold in fact that my fountain/pond thing is frozen over, and I had a rude surprise when I went to knock what I thought was water off the tarp over the dog ken...


February 03, 2014

Very down day...

To preface this, I do believe that dreams tell us things. Sometimes, though, I'll admit I have no clue what my dreams are trying to tell me, and other times I do. Last night, I dreamed that a g...


February 02, 2014

Changes...

I'm realising I'm getting very down at night. I'm usually fine during the day, but at night, I don't want to be bothered by anyone. The neighbor boy means well, and I know he's just trying to get...


Book Description

These may not be the happiest entries, but they’re the deeper bits of me.