Entries 26

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That’s how long I’ve been here. It was official yesterday. And now it’s time to get the fuck out of here. Gov’ner Dimslee has mandated we all must wear masks when we’re not solely alone. Apparen...

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Was supposed to do two jobs today, but the first one was a complete cluster bleep. Had to make lots of modifications. I was actually relieved when I called the second customer and she made the su...

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Today is day 3 of me coming home and ending up crashing on the couch, completely out of energy after work. I started thinking about it today, and I think it’s the coffee. I normally order a mediu...

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Today has been absolutely horrible internally. I can’t get M out of my head. I haven’t heard from her since October. She did me very wrong in a way that she knew I wouldn’t be able to take. She k...

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I have an Instagram now. Apparently, I had one a long time ago, but I uploaded one pic of myself and then seemed to stop using it for a while. J more or less forced me into getting one again, so ...

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I fake smiles too easily. I don’t like that. I get no benefit of it. It’s not conveying the true nature of how I feel. I feel like the girl I thought was my one ripped my heart out, stomped on it...

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Today I’ve felt a heartache like someone died. Like I’m dying. It’s the first day working since January that my phone’s not gone off with a message from M. I don’t know why I want to hear from h...

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I opted for that title for two reasons. One, we’ve hit that part of the year where it’s quickly shifting to longer nights. The other is I’ve hit something I wasn’t expecting, and my depression is...

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Today has been one of those days where my mind just won’t shut the fuck up. I come home, and it only gets worse. It doesn’t help that “Fault In Our Stars” is on at the part where they’re in the a...

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It’s been a draining couple of weeks. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. All around. I’ve had a great convo with J the last couple of days, which has been a definite help. M has also been some he...

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I cannot get out of this slump. The usual ensues, I’m fine at work, around customers, around the office, etc, but once I get home, that’s all over and done, and it’s all down hill. I’ve been havi...

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I guess I never really realise how badly broken I am until something causes me to fall apart. I was watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and it got to the part when Dumbledore is kill...

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I finally said on Facebook that I’m not okay. With Facebook’s ordering algorhythm and the people I have on my friends list, I figure 3 people will acknowledge it (J, S, and Nana) and probably com...

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I dunno if that’s accurate, but that’s sure how it feels. I finally have the truck I’ve always wanted. I haven’t driven it in over a month. I like my car. I barely drive it. I want to get the gar...

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So M and I have been talking for over a week now, relatively consistently. It’s been on me to start the conversation. I don’t like that. The other side of it is emotionally, I want her to come ba...

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Dad’s been on my mind today. Not sure exactly what set it off, but yeah. I’m wishing I’d written down some of his stories, or better yet, recorded him telling some of them. Not like I didn’t have...

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Sometimes I seriously hate being emotionally enabled. Today has been absolutely crap. Everything is setting my emotions off. Happy scenario or thought, sad scenario or thought, and I can feel my ...

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A friend of mine moved back to the area from Idaho, and got in touch with me today. She came by the store, and I walked over when she got out of her car. Her first order of business was to give m...

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It's frigid here. Below freezing. So cold in fact that my fountain/pond thing is frozen over, and I had a rude surprise when I went to knock what I thought was water off the tarp over the dog ken...

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To preface this, I do believe that dreams tell us things. Sometimes, though, I'll admit I have no clue what my dreams are trying to tell me, and other times I do. Last night, I dreamed that a g...

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I'm realising I'm getting very down at night. I'm usually fine during the day, but at night, I don't want to be bothered by anyone. The neighbor boy means well, and I know he's just trying to get...

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I had a dream two nights ago that I was getting back together with my first girlfriend. She's the only one I can honestly say that I have no complaints about her, and wish she'd been the one to l...

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I don't know how much more of this I can take. Work is just breaking me down physically. The stress of issues with other people, managers, the hours, and the loads, it's playing hell on my head. ...

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I'd planned to get better about blogging since J got me started on this, but work has been leaving me exhausted. I have things of value to say, just too tired for words.

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So for the past year or so, I've had these very vivid dreams of this blue eyed, pale skinned, firey red haired girl. We've had many a date, many a night in, many a conversation. I've seen her par...

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