Entries 34

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Falling. Sinking. Failing. That’s what I feel like. I can’t be bothered to do much of anything. I woke up this morning, and thought to myself “I should install that outside light next to the side...

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I don’t know if it was a manic spell or if I finally got a break in the depression, but I went on a cleaning spree today. I’ve been letting things kinda pile up, and neglecting what needed done f...

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Be kind, for the sake of being kind. Do something nice, and don’t expect anything in return. Just do it. Don’t try and take credit for it. I’ll be the first one to admit, I really don’t have any...

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I’ve made that comment before, but I don’t remember if I made it here or not. I have a lot of ways for one to get in touch with me, but the contact I would really like to make, hasn’t happened ye...

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I’ve always been on the shy side, especially about some things. I can know a girl likes me, I can know she wants me to ask her out, and I still get shy and embarrassed about it. It gets even wors...

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So today was actually fairly decent for a Monday, up to a point. Made it a bit more than halfway through my day, before I got hit with a totally unexpected memory out of left field. I have no ide...

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So I mentioned a few months back that I had started talking to MC again. Someone please tell me why the hell I keep giving people who have done me wrong more than one chance. Okay, I get that I p...

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I was in Lowe’s the other day after work to pick up a few things, a stiff bristle brush to clean up the underside of the mower, some new leather gardening gloves, and some masking tape to protect...

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That’s how long I’ve been here. It was official yesterday. And now it’s time to get the fuck out of here. Gov’ner Dimslee has mandated we all must wear masks when we’re not solely alone. Apparen...

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Was supposed to do two jobs today, but the first one was a complete cluster bleep. Had to make lots of modifications. I was actually relieved when I called the second customer and she made the su...

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Today is day 3 of me coming home and ending up crashing on the couch, completely out of energy after work. I started thinking about it today, and I think it’s the coffee. I normally order a mediu...

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Today has been absolutely horrible internally. I can’t get M out of my head. I haven’t heard from her since October. She did me very wrong in a way that she knew I wouldn’t be able to take. She k...

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I have an Instagram now. Apparently, I had one a long time ago, but I uploaded one pic of myself and then seemed to stop using it for a while. J more or less forced me into getting one again, so ...

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I fake smiles too easily. I don’t like that. I get no benefit of it. It’s not conveying the true nature of how I feel. I feel like the girl I thought was my one ripped my heart out, stomped on it...

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Today I’ve felt a heartache like someone died. Like I’m dying. It’s the first day working since January that my phone’s not gone off with a message from M. I don’t know why I want to hear from h...

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I opted for that title for two reasons. One, we’ve hit that part of the year where it’s quickly shifting to longer nights. The other is I’ve hit something I wasn’t expecting, and my depression is...

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Today has been one of those days where my mind just won’t shut the fuck up. I come home, and it only gets worse. It doesn’t help that “Fault In Our Stars” is on at the part where they’re in the a...

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It’s been a draining couple of weeks. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. All around. I’ve had a great convo with J the last couple of days, which has been a definite help. M has also been some he...

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I cannot get out of this slump. The usual ensues, I’m fine at work, around customers, around the office, etc, but once I get home, that’s all over and done, and it’s all down hill. I’ve been havi...

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I guess I never really realise how badly broken I am until something causes me to fall apart. I was watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and it got to the part when Dumbledore is kill...

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I finally said on Facebook that I’m not okay. With Facebook’s ordering algorhythm and the people I have on my friends list, I figure 3 people will acknowledge it (J, S, and Nana) and probably com...

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I dunno if that’s accurate, but that’s sure how it feels. I finally have the truck I’ve always wanted. I haven’t driven it in over a month. I like my car. I barely drive it. I want to get the gar...

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So M and I have been talking for over a week now, relatively consistently. It’s been on me to start the conversation. I don’t like that. The other side of it is emotionally, I want her to come ba...

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Dad’s been on my mind today. Not sure exactly what set it off, but yeah. I’m wishing I’d written down some of his stories, or better yet, recorded him telling some of them. Not like I didn’t have...

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Sometimes I seriously hate being emotionally enabled. Today has been absolutely crap. Everything is setting my emotions off. Happy scenario or thought, sad scenario or thought, and I can feel my ...

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