Cleaner.. in Deeper Bits (Emotional and such)

I don’t know if it was a manic spell or if I finally got a break in the depression, but I went on a cleaning spree today. I’ve been letting things kinda pile up, and neglecting what needed done for several months. It’s one of the reasons I won’t have anyone over. Well, today I hit the vast majority of places guests would see. The kitchen counters, the table, the stove, the coffee table all had random crap piled up. Some was trash, some was random parts from random things I’ve been working on. I did the whole keep or kick, and whittled down some things I didn’t need. Something I’ve been needing to do since I decided I to leave. I also hit the bathroom, which was one of my worst offences. No more stuff stashed on the shelves, no more things just living on the bathroom counter, all gone. I’ve pretty much been at it all day, including doing laundry, washing the new work clothes, sheets, doing dishes, scrubbing surfaces, etc.

It felt good to get that done. It was needed. Now I just have to keep up with it. I’m not done. I still have plenty to do, and I also have to keep on top of what I’ve done.

It was also welcome given the dream I had last night. I don’t want to get into it. I’m just going to leave it at everything that has haunted my dreams and memories showed up last night. I woke up at 8:00, but I couldn’t bear to see daylight until about 10:00. It was quite bad. The cleaning helped to stop me thinking of it all. I can only hope I don’t get a repeat performance tonight.

I’ve taken my pills, changed into sweats, and am winding out for the evening. I feel better after getting all this crap done, but some things just cannot be helped. Oh well.