Coffee Crashing and Mental Anguish in Deeper Bits (Emotional and such)

  • April 18, 2020, 2:45 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

Today is day 3 of me coming home and ending up crashing on the couch, completely out of energy after work. I started thinking about it today, and I think it’s the coffee. I normally order a medium, and starting Wednesday, after that whole shit show of me screwing up my pills, I ordered a large. I didn’t even think about it today with the barista guessed the size as a medium until after I finished my 3rd job, and was feeling like I was going to fall asleep while driving. I think I went over my limit of caffeine, then I crashed. I think I’m going to have to make sure I don’t overdo it on the morning coffee, if I want to be able to do anything after I get home. We’ll see what happens tomorrow, as I usually don’t drink coffee on the weekends.

My mind has also been raking my ass over the coals about BL again. I didn’t dream about her last night, at least not that I remember. I just haven’t been able to get her out of my head. I’m hoping a decent sleep will let me forget. Or at this point, I’d almost welcome the distraction of being haunted by The Ginger, or the brunette whose name I don’t remember right now and am not bothered enough to go back to the Dreams book and look up. Anything other than BL. Anyone other.

I really hate my mind sometimes. The disadvantage of it being my mind is it knows just where to poke a sharp stick. I need to make a change. This is not working for me.

This is not my life.

Telstar April 18, 2020

Whadda you want out of life?

He Who Must Not Be Named Telstar ⋅ April 28, 2020

Same as most people. To be able to pay the bills and put some away, to be happy with where I live, to have good friends who actually care, and to have one person to love and be loved by til the end of my days. You?

Telstar He Who Must Not Be Named ⋅ April 28, 2020

That's a lot.

But also not too much.

Need a cause, though.

He Who Must Not Be Named Telstar ⋅ April 30, 2020

As in what's causing this?
Unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Changes I know need made and right soon.

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