Overconnected... in Deeper Bits (Emotional and such)

I’ve made that comment before, but I don’t remember if I made it here or not. I have a lot of ways for one to get in touch with me, but the contact I would really like to make, hasn’t happened yet.

Let’s start on the old school end. Phones. Okay. I have 7 phones numbers that are specifically for me, so not counting the office phone and fax lines. For starters, I still maintain a home phone line. It’s a VoIP line with Vonage, who I’ve had for years. That line has two phone numbers, one is my local number, and the other is a UK number I set up for J. Both numbers will ring my house, my personal cell phone, and the built in phone in my truck (OnStar) at the same time. As I’ve clarified, I have the OnStar phone in my truck, which is included in the package I have, and is part of the tracking system OnStar use if I report my truck as stolen. Because of that I get a discount on the truck’s insurance policy - a worthwhile investment. I have 2 cell phones, one for work, and one for personal. My work phone has a central Seattle area code, and my personal phone still has the same suburb number that I’ve had since I moved here, cause, why would I change it. I also have a pager. Yeah, I’m that old school. I have the number on the answering machine and my voicemail, plus the office has it in case they can’t get me on either cell phone, which does happen as we have some customers that live way out in the middle of nowhere. And, in case I need to make a call in a dead zone, I have a satellite phone. Yes, I’m aware the sat phone sounds excessive, but the last thing I want to do is end up in a ditch in the middle of a dead zone and be unable to call for help. I bought that phone after my grandma died, and I knew I’d be driving a Penske truck back here from Texas though questionable coverage areas. The phone is expensive, and you don’t get many minutes for your dollar - kinda reminds me of my first cell phone, $X for X minutes/month. So it’s not hard to call or text me.

Okay, a little more modern, e-mail. Not counting private messaging from social networks, I have 5 emails, sort of divided up into specific uses. One is my primary email, that I’ve had since I moved here. Another I’ve had for even longer is the one I use for all my PayPal and other online shopping crap. Another deals with my personal social media accounts (and this), and another is for my public stuff. Then I have the one for work. So, if someone wanted to email me, that’s possible.

For the current forms, I’m on social media plenty. I have both public and private Facecrook and GooTube, plus a few other I’m not going to reveal here. So, I’m very findable. According to Linux, that’s not a word, but who cares. So why can I not be found? And no, I’m not talking about BL.

I saw Alyssa’s doppelganger today, first time in I’m not sure how long. Difference is, this time wasn’t out of the corner of my eye, or some fleeting glance. I got a real good look at her, and we definitely made eye contact, and she gave me some look like she recognized me, but was confused. This isn’t someone who resembles Alyssa. This is someone who looks EXACTLY like Alyssa. I’ve been badgered about how your dreams never show you someone/something you’ve never seen before blah blah blah bullshit. I saw Alyssa in dreams long before I ever even thought I saw her doppelganger. I’ve never seen Jessica before, but I’ve seen her in dreams. So what the hell is going on?

I would have loved to have had a chance to try and talk to her, but of course, I was in the car, stopped at a red light, and she crossed right in front of me. I wasn’t wearing sunglasses like usual, and she paused a moment when she looked at me, until her friend ran into the back of her. I’m glad I was in the car, as it being a manual gearbox, I always have it in neutral at stop lights. Had I been in the truck, well… it would have been a bad day when the shock of it all let my foot slip off the brake. I watched her walk to the corner and continue, before getting honked at for not going on the green light.

I don’t know what to make of all this. It’s really confusing the hell out of me. First BL, then S, now this. I’m starting to feel like someone is just screwing with me. I DO NOT like this. I do not like when things converge… or whatever… in a way that I cannot make sense of. No one would believe me if I tried to tell them about this. Or I’d at least be accused of being mistaken. I don’t know how to process this. This is the closest I’ve been to seeing her in my waking life. Am I getting closer to meeting her? Is this just a tease? Is it a reminder of how screwed unpleasantly I am currently? I hate this. I hate not being able to make sense of things. Especially things like this. I bought a new sweat set to be comfortable if I ended up going to S’s. Well.... if I wanted a distraction about her, I got it. Maybe I should shut off all my tech and spend the remainder of my 4 day weekend under the bed.

I know life isn’t fair, but this is really f!ked up.