Superposition ⋅ 32

Earth is a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here.

Entries 69

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It’s like my spell on you is worthless. … I just took my anti-anxiety meds for the first time. I probably should have tried them without alcohol (I know, I’m an idiot, right? Come on…I already ...


Let’s take a moment to express some gratitude…I find that it’s good to do that from time to time, so you can remind yourself why you stay here…because there has to be a reason to stay here, if th...


I woke up this morning and said “no” I went back to sleep. I finally got out of bed at some point…maybe around 2PM…and I showered…and I drank some Gatorade…and I threw it up…and I drank some wa...


I have been feeling so alive lately, and so grateful for the people in my life. I have met some new and amazing people. I still want to die. Lately, I have so much anxiety over the idea of dea...


I’ve been teaching myself to code for the last eight months or so, through websites online, and getting a fairly decent grasp on the core concepts. This last Tuesday I just started the first day...


Sometimes I wonder how I’ve come this far, and sometimes I wonder if I’ve even come far at all…sometimes I feel so behind, and sometimes I fall back into bad habits. I miss my mom and my friends...


…feeling a little better than I was feeling last night. One of the meds I take is supposed to give me more energy, but lately it doesn’t seem to be working. I get home from work and I’m exhauste...


So, tonight I watched a couple of videos on youtube about people and their DMT experiences. It basically triggered me to go through my whole ego death experience again, which triggered me to sta...


Let’s see…it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything here. I don’t know why I’ve been gone for so long, I guess I’ve just been putting the work in like a mad-man. I had my last appointme...


March 07, 2018

20 days sober. in Questions

I haven’t been on here writing much, I don’t know why…I guess I got to a point with my own thoughts where enough was enough, I was just sick of hearing myself complaining. I got sick enough of m...


Something about something. I want to write but I have nothing to actually talk about, so I think I might just kind of spill it all…the contents of my head…this might get ugly. I will try to keep...


My body seems to be ruling me lately, along with my poison mind. I got some advice to quiet the body and listen to the soul. I don’t think I know how to do that…I mean, I have unsuccessfully at...


I look at my man body sometimes and I just can’t believe what I see. I’ve got a little beer belly that won’t seem to go away (probably because I won’t seem to stop drinking beer and I don’t exer...


February 01, 2018

Bored in Questions

At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours? - Every arm rest is simultaneously mine and not mine until I pick one. Why are there no “B” batteries? - Because when it comes to storing electric...


Alex just sent me a video that basically said scientists have found conclusive evidence that vaping causes cancer, it reshapes the DNA in your lungs, heart, and bladder…soooooooo… …I’m not going ...


I just got back from Utah yesterday morning and I feel like I should probably document that trip. I got in early Thursday, the 25th of january, my mothers birthday. She was so excited that I wa...


Good days are becoming less and less rare these days, ever since I made a decided effort to start looking at my life with a more positive outlook. Today was a good day. I slept in until about 1...


One of my best friends in the entire world, I don’t get to see very often. He pawned a bunch of my shit for heroin and took off to Mexico 12 years ago, and it put a bit of a strain on our relati...


“Let me in, I’m cold…all messed up with nowhere to go…you’ve got indecision, and indecision is my enemy…unlock the cabinet, I’ll take whatever you’ve got.” I can’t stop listening to the album “G...


Walk around the city at night…it’s cold, but it’s not that cold. Sometimes it smells nice, like pastries and coffee. Sometimes it smells like Thai food. Sometimes it smells like piss and shit....


Dirty water…smells like orange Rockstars and vodka. Smells like dirty clothes and dirty hair and sleeping on the floor. Smells like getting kicked out of the new house you just moved into only ...


I was too pumped from that show last night, I didn’t end up falling asleep until something close to 5 in the morning. And then I slept in today until 1:30 PM. I usually wake up around 9 or 10 e...


January 12, 2018

The last few weeks. in Questions

Tonight, I was on the guest list for Saosin’s final sold out concert. It was one of the best shows I’ve been to in a long time, maybe one of the best shows I’ve ever been to. How has my life be...


Petulance and pestilence and prejudice and pride. Pedantic and romantic and traumatic and tried…and true…ish For a fellow to be mellow below the belt Should he melt? Is it like ice when he sat th...


I didn’t respond to any of the notes on my last entry, but I am grateful for all of the condolences, I truly am, I just don’t think I can handle the reality of it all right now, and I’ve had so m...