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Page 13 of 200

Long before you were even born, when he was barely a teenager himself, your father stumbled simultaneously into the best and worst luck in human history. There was a group of older toughs harassi...

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A TMBG parody about Barnacle Boy still being a superhero sidekick, even in his sixties, called “Barnacle Man”. January 10th, it’s already Easter in the Stewarts. Poor Thanksgiving and Valenti...

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98% of the people that people say are “on the streets” because of bail reform actually should’ve been in a mental health facility years before crime one, but Reagan dismantled the hospitals to ...

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I’m just enough both a butt-end Gen Xer and a nerd about religious history to wanna name something “The Council of Trent Reznor”. Horror themed restaurants are all about the zombiance. A th...

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If we were being optimistic, we could say America is defined by its vast natural beauty, purpled mountains majesty, amber waves of grain, redwood forests, Gulf Stream waters, all that maudlin mus...

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What we absolutely don’t need is a ventriloquist puppet with a huge posterior going viral on Tiktok with the name “Thicc Dummy”. 3 AM asks as it always does “How much in your life have you sc...

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I feel like the best name for a children’s show teaching English-speaking kids the Spanish language would be “Vitamin Si!” I love when there’s a story about an actor “willing” to go back to a...

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I enjoy embracing complexity, paradox, the internal contradictions of humanity as we the each of us contain legions. I revel in the fact that we are never just one thing or the other, there is ...

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Some people hold grudges so long, they’re practically dry-aged, that’s how old the beef is. I have now realized that the optimal parody of Bob Dylan’s “Mississippi” would be about the Superma...

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“I’ve done your hair and makeup for a decade,” her tone wavered between bemusement and fear, “I would’ve noticed by now if you were a vampire.” “Because of the mirrors thing?” the rail-thin palli...

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A joke one of my dreams last night wrote -“At my school, we didn’t have Proms or Homecoming Dances, but we did have something similar we call Ligmas.” “Ligmas?” “You know, Ligma Balls.” “…sir, ...

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Before his fall to the dark side, was Anakin Skywalker “The Battle Himbo of the Republic”? It’s easy. The subtitle of the second film in every series should legally be ELECTRIC BOOGALOO, the ...

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He wasn’t always like this. He’d been a middle-class careerist, a suburban dad and husband. The manicured lawn, picket fence, two-car garage, the whole schmear. The good life. He wasn’t rich or p...

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Don’t you worry about me staying hydrated. Coffee is, like, 99% water. He could be glam in a classy Bowie way or glam in a trashy RATT kinda way. He was glambidextrous. I hope in the deep l...

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“Federal Breast Inspector” and “Certified Nursing Assistant” are pretty much the same thing from a… certain linguistic point of view. I refuse to believe any time was cut from Avatar 2. You d...

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Cocoa Puffs, part of a mentally imbalanced breakfast! “As If Editorial Consultants: Service with a Simile!” A goth Marilyn Monroe burlesque dance / drag act / parody song called “Demons Are...

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Sarah and Rachel studied the rum cake together, fresh off its third overnight soak in a bath of boozed-up sauce. “Well,” Sarah asked, “do you think we did it right?” “We’ve baked a lot of cakes t...

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I’ve come to the realization Reagan defunded the American mental health system, closing most in-patient mental health facilities, not to save money but rather to boost voting numbers for his po...

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If you use a clay kiln to bake your rum cake into a flat-bread, that’s naan-alcoholic. All you really need to fuel a starship is to go into a drug store, buy a bunch of antioxidants and oxida...

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A workplace sitcom about a funeral home called MOURNING PEOPLE. A movie about a serial killer who beats people to death with a weighted purse called ACCESSORY TO MURDER. “Are you getting ov...

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Considering there are two classic good-bad movies where Santa battles the Devil and Martians, separately, it implies a shared universe where a movie about the Martians battling the denizens of ...

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“I did it on purpose,” an old man in a rumpled windbreaker told a much younger man with a tape recorder and a notebook, in the back booth of Mudville’s Lazy Lunch Cafe, “I threw the damned game. ...

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But what’d be even more terrifying than the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would be the Four Horsegirls of the Apocalypse. Did we ever get a Ghostbusters / Pac-Man crossover? There’s a lot o...

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The problem isn’t telling rich morons like Trump or Musk what they want to hear so you can take their money. They morally deserve to be scammed! The problem is all the rubes who will believe th...

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SIMPLY / HAVING / A PROBLEM WITH ALL THESE MIMES / SIMPLY / HAVING / A PROBLEM WITH ALL THESE MIMES It’s a cross between “Hooters” and “Chili’s” and it’s called “Fapplebees”. How did they n...

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