Glitter and Trauma ⋅ 39
Entries 203
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Intensity in The C Word
I haven’t updated in forever - maybe one day I’ll be able to write without staring with that! Maybe I should start with a trigger warning - this entry is about my work in palliative care. Work ha...
When V met C in A new era
Things have been going really well with C. I can’t believe it’s been a thing since May, it seems like it’s just going very smoothly and there’s been no drama between us. It’s wonderful to date an...
The tea in Work In Progress
The date….. It’s taken me so long to write about the date! It was so good, so easy, absolutely no awkwardness. He met me off the train, and we were both grinning like teenagers. We immediately k...
Date Day in Work In Progress
It’s here! I’m on the train on the way over to meet C for our date. I feel like I should be way more nervous but I’m mostly just excited for it. Can’t believe it’s actually happening also, this...
Joey in Work In Progress
I’ve spent a lot of today whispering FFS under my breath. 3 is a wild age with massive emotional meltdowns and V losing her shit frequently and loudly over nothing and everything. So imagine my ...
Butterflies in The dating game
I’m in deep you guys. Since my last entry, C and I have been messaging a ton, we’ve been like giddy teenagers. It’s amazing to me that we can flick between messaging random chit chat, to really...
A sudden turn of events in The dating game
I have a friend I met online, more than a decade ago. We met through blogging and we’ve basically been through many years of highs and lows without ever managing to meet in person. Literally bir...
On Motherhood in A new era
Mother’s Day is a week and a bit away here and if I’m honest I’m finding it all very triggering and confronting. When we were going through IVF for V, I made an insta account to connect with oth...
The pox is upon us in The Ugly Truth About Raising Babies
We’ve had chicken pox this week. Well, V has had chicken pox this week. Thankfully I had it as a child, quite badly at the time, so I’ve not had it again, although I’ve definitely had some kind o...
All these little things in A new era
V and I have been staying at my dad’s this weekend, dog sitting. He’s gone for a few days away in Denmark, to visit his sister. I think the time away will do him good, and I’m sure he’ll be glad...
I need to sort my life out. She says. I’m sat by the sea writing this on my phone instead of going home and doing the things. It’s safe to say that the last six months have simply been survival ...
Brave in The C Word
I’ve heard so many times lately that I’m so brave. That the fact I get up and out is brave. Having a 3 year old will do that to you. You don’t have the choice to just lie in bed when you’ve got ...
Opening Pandora’s Box in The C Word
We met with the celebrant on Wednesday and planned Mum’s funeral. We’re happy with the decisions we’ve made and the order of service and everything. The celebrant is lovely, the same age as mum, ...
Loss in The C Word
I’ve always felt a bit trite saying ‘sorry for your loss’ but now I realise, it’s perfect really. It is a loss, a loss so deep, it’s a void that will never be filled. Her death is a massive loss...
And then… in The C Word
And then, she was gone. Peacefully and quickly, with no pain or distress. My dad and brother were chatting quietly at her bedside, checking her every few minutes. One time they checked she was ...
Mentor in The C Word
It does make me laugh, and also a little bit proud, that in the midst of all that’s going on right now, the junior staff are still asking me for advice and coming for a little chat about their pr...
Surreal in The C Word
I’ve watched a lot of people die over the last 20 years. Most likely hundreds, although I don’t keep count. When your career has been in elder care, then cancer and palliative care, it racks up p...
The beginning of the end in The C Word
What a couple of days. Christmas was as nice as it could have been under the circumstances, we did the running round in the morning, V and I opened her presents in our house, she had time to pla...
Fuck sake in The C Word
I’d written a whole entry. And it’s deleted itself. I’m furious. I had poured my heart out. Feels better to have got it out, even if it didn’t save 🤦🏼♀️ I’ll come back later and give you all t...
All the small things in The C Word
Who do you talk to about all the little things that are entirely insignificant? I know for most people it would be a partner but I’ve spent so much time on my own, or with a partner who didn’t ca...
The writing is on the wall in The C Word
Mum is dying. They’re still continuing antibiotics, for god knows what reason. She’s been on antibiotics in one form or another since August and it’s done nothing for her except keep infection a...
Shitty days in The C Word
Have you ever sat and watched your loved one die a slow and terrible death? That’s what it feels like some days, with my mum. When the consultant told her her MDS had relapsed and her transplant...
Maid in Work In Progress
Bloody hell. If you haven’t watched Maid on Netflix, and intend to, I’m going to be dropping spoilers all over the place so maybe don’t read this. But fuck me, was it triggering for me. Watching ...
Progress Report in The C Word
I realise I haven’t updated since I don’t even know when. Mum had her diagnosis of secondary MDS in August last year. She had her bone marrow transplant on New Years Eve (honestly the most harro...
On co-sleeping in The Ugly Truth About Raising Babies
Someone wise once said to me: When it comes to anything relating to your baby and motherhood, everyone will have an opinion but remember: it’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you. To that e...
