Joey in Work In Progress

I’ve spent a lot of today whispering FFS under my breath. 3 is a wild age with massive emotional meltdowns and V losing her shit frequently and loudly over nothing and everything.

So imagine my surprise when, mid meltdown, Joey’s mum calls me. I NEVER hear from her. She never messages asking after V, I think she messages on birthdays and Christmas. Even after mum died I got a generic sorry for your loss and that was it, no enquiry as to how her granddaughter was coping with it.

So when her number pops up I instantly assume something awful has happened.

Basically she was calling to tell me that Joey’s brother in law works in a factory and has been trying to recruit Joey into a job but he’s been making excuses about having to mind V on certain days and things and saying he can’t apply. The job is regular, guaranteed hours and a yearly income that surpasses mine.

She was really upset, she said he’s drinking again, he’s lying all the time, he’s trying to rely on her to support him because he’s not getting regular work etc.

I just said that I had mentioned him having V on a Monday in the near future, there’s an opportunity for promotion in work and if I get it I would need her looking after Mondays and Fridays. I also said to her that I wouldn’t know til the end of summer and that had he mentioned this job to me I would have encouraged him to apply and told him we would work around it, our arrangement regarding V has always been a flexible one. My dad is pretty much retired, he would happily have V on a Monday. It would only be until she starts school next year anyway, and 12 months absolutely flies by.

His poor mum. As much as I don’t really like her all that much, I do feel sorry for her. I do think they’ve made a rod for their own back in the way they’ve never encouraged him to be independent or solve his own problems. He’s 39 and still running to mummy for handouts because he can’t be bothered working hard enough to pay his own bills, but always seems to find enough money for booze. Instead of telling him to pick up more shifts, she’s handing cash over. I did tell her that I know he’s drinking and that I know he’s turning down shifts when they do come up sometimes. Instead of working 4 or 5 one week when they’re available, he works 2 or 3 and then struggles the next week.

I hate that he’s using V as an excuse to shirk work and stay home drinking. I also hate that he’s lying to his mum and lying about V. And more than anything I hate that I’ve been dragged into it, like his choices are his own, however bad they might be. It’s why I left and never looked back, despite his whole family thinking I was crazy to walk out with a 4 month old baby. It was a much better alternative to sticking around watching him self implode.

Of course I messaged him to ask why he wasn’t applying for a job that would provide him financial security and mean he could provide for V - as it is he barely contributes financially because he has nothing to give. He made the usual noise about not wanting to let me down, gaslighting at its finest, like it’s my fault he can’t go for the job when he’s told his mum different reasons. Basically it’s any excuse to not be a proper, functioning member of society.

I told him to apply, and that if it became relevant we would work around it with V. He would be on a rolling rota of three days on/three days off I think so pretty easy to work out exactly what days he’s working for the entirety of the year. And realistically if I do get this promotion, almost irrelevant. I’d be working 8.30-4.30 weekdays, and wouldn’t need him to watch V while I was asleep after a night shift.

I’m so sick of having to be his fucking cheerleader and encourage him to just do something that is an absolute no brainer. I told him that he needs to grow up and start behaving like the middle aged man he is instead of like a teenager with a weekend job, he’s got a mortgage and a kid.

Somehow, even though he’s not my responsibility anymore, he still seems to be.