Entries 57
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6/17/18
I am not ok I do not know who to tell I reached out to friends but the time has passed too long this is my fault
coming home
given some time for reflection I realize that I have been buying clothes/makeup because I am lonely because if I dress a certain way, do my make-up a certain way magically I will be happy and fee...
hands down
got in a plane and away we went landed at london heathrow to no internet, to English beaches where the sun sets in the wrong place greenness that feels refreshing and alive compared to my brown...
lost in the light
when you hold everything in it comes in comes bubbling like an angry frothy sea and here I am standing on the edge of a cliff watching my heart my fear splash against the rocks foam churning wa...
hey mami
do you ever wonder if those instincts you get about someone when they say something and you feel like you know also what they are not saying even when you don’t know them all that well maybe it i...
It's been a while
For a multitude of reasons I guess I have been lost in a sea of my own thoughts tangled paralyzed almost Open Diary let me re-download my old entries and it was like a time capsule for my earl...
journey
think think think I see words filling every crevice slipping down the side of my cup but there is nothing between black curving letters I hear you gasping for air between breaths I feel nothing...
Navajo
this song makes me think of santa fe but I am here emptiness can be so loud like a thundering vacuum my dissatisfaction with myself feels like 1000 pounds the dry air makes it hard to catch my b...
tadow
I don’t think I really mentioned here the bullying I got at my old job I glazed over it it was really bad I had a coworker threaten to leave me bleeding on the side of a mountain I was the but of...
fire
I went to the mountains to escape and for a moment, there it was, a breath of fresh air and then the smoke settled around us lungs seizing, wheezing and cloudy and that beauty we had sought pure...
10/4/14
and I stood next to a silent sea in solitary darkness waves crashing in smoothness but maybe tomorrow they will be loud and rough in sunlight and the whites of the waves will remind me of the w...
sit next to me
I keep having dreams where my bf won’t listen to me and I get angry this probably directly relates to my life I am a difficult person sometimes when I struggle I tighten into a ball and I won’t l...
los angeles, I'm yours
salty skin tastes like the fire burning hold me tight I am falling my heart was the beginning and not the end do you feel it pounding so as the sun beats us down melting me into nothing silver ...
6/9/17
And she was an angel you once knew in strong hands feathery heartbeats soft and warm fluttering away and she is gone perfect and white whispering all you once knew gasps of air on your neck
ain't that a kick in the head
it always surprises me the way that people change as you get to know them nothing is like it’s initial impression I keep a lot of things to myself because I don’t have time to write and I can’t ...
I can't let go
of that last piece of you in my mind because I can’t bring myself to forgive you entirely I can still feel your anger burned into my mind I can still taste my own salty tears burning in the back ...
pink moon
maybe she’ll always love you As you stand side by side drunk on lust and moonlight dark eyes always hide secret thoughts ‘And you are mine’ you start to think the ocean howls mercilessly as it ...
listen
shadow, shadow you are my heart you’ve held my thumping fright shadow, shadow you are my soul shivering uncontrollably still in the night
everything that rises must converge
my lies (omissions) are catching up with me I will break my own heart my body refuses to play along a series of events occurred yesterday that could only have meant one thing the walls are caving...
sisyrinchium
I had a nice birthday. People I haven’t talked to in a while wished me happy birthday. We were in malibu, beautiful calm waves, seagulls diving for fish next to surfers. People taking selfies lef...
Sit down by the fire
I haven’t seen the sun in six days. It’s not for lack of trying. I’ve been feeling restless and anxious but just enough that I am constantly on edge. the grey skies are not helping my doom and gl...
and I am here
in the same place I’ve always been squirreling away the secrets you don’t want them to exist so you don’t look it is all mush we blend together everything is slipping out of my fingers you have n...
typhoon
It is seeping quietly into my house are there drips on my forehead? the world is foggy and mumbling rain when I need the boisterous sunshine people don’t walk places in the rain they don’t smile,...
astute
when you look into my eyes, you know what you see maybe the sun setting over a tumultuous ocean the eerie silence of a snow covered forest at night you know something is ending that whatever ligh...
phytopthera
I have been all over the place here are words, unrelated to my situation now, but a past memory. She stands in the window, brown eyes pleading, lips saying nothing. She isn’t going to say it, but...
