sayornis ⋅

“We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for the foreign and strange. As often as not, we are homesick most for the places we have never known.”

Carson McCullers

Entries 53

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15 hours ago

and it was in formless

I play a good victim a smile, but she’s not joking tears welled up in the corners of her eyes tiny shivers of emotions but they are insincere I can see it written clearly on your face You see pa...


October 09, 2019

the bottom in formless

it is the worst moment to realize that everything is perfectly clear, yet not clear at all You have your answers they are not what you want and it makes this way worse


October 05, 2019

harmony in formless

I am splitting the fractures inside trying to make themselves external I keep hoping that if I hold myself quiet and together for long enough the fractures will heal and things will go back to no...


September 29, 2019

Ends of the earth in formless

Come and find me where I am true and honest nothing other than what I want to be completely unlike the plastered faces silent smiles that others find the rigid roles we are all forced to play I l...


September 05, 2019

in the river in formless

you are ok you are here and kind and good love with your whole heart run until your lungs are empty feel the ground beneath your fingers don’t look at that bridge and think of how fast the water...


August 21, 2019

crystallized in formless

it is a distinct memory a sharply contrasted image of a person I once was the strange joy of driving a forest road at dusk, winding swiftly between trees on a empty road. you don’t say anything, ...


a fragile nature that creeps in slowly maybe I am glass shattered in the moments you least expect a fantastic explosion maybe I will withstand time and carelessness a delicate heirloom to be pass...


July 10, 2019

17 years in formless

scrape yourself against the crust of the earth the dust of thousands of years burning your lungs feel the rumbles ever so slightly each fingertip on it’s own she is the one that holds all the po...


June 24, 2019

fast in formless

it is hard to move forward when your strongest personality trait is self deprecation tomorrow I will turn 26 I don’t know where I expected to be at this age was I supposed to be married? Have kid...


June 20, 2019

6.20.18 in formless

I have been 1000 people worn 1000 faces I can be beautiful I can be ugly I can be smart I can be a coward A fact in denial: You deserve to feel shitty about yourself if you do shitty things He is...


May 14, 2019

WATER in formless

Gasping for air lungs on fire one arm in front of the other I am slow and struggling Have I done this before? pushed down under the surface it roils and boils against me I used to love it in clea...


hoping to drink away my lack of sleep the world feels large and overwhelming I hope this is the right choice I am glad that I had this opportunity to push myself to the very limit, no matter what...


November 12, 2018

but here we are in formless

California is burning my heart hurts like my lungs as they fill with smoke and somehow there is also numbness it will keep getting worse the roaring flames will eventually take everything everyt...


November 01, 2018

quicksand. in formless

Sometimes I think this is the only honesty within me the words hiding here, poured out at inconsistent intervals my idea of who I am is changing this program is erasing so much of that numbness t...


November 01, 2018

divide in formless

in a series of dichotomies there lies reality objects placed in a metaphysical realm I am the literal, the biologist the concrete and measurable looking for patterns and secrets a story untold w...


October 09, 2018

virgo in formless

Hi I am alive and OK I guess I am a month and a half into grad school and it has awakened my soul and also pushed me to limits I didn’t even know I had I don’t have time to write right now but he...


June 30, 2018

hyaline in formless

a slow dance inhaling a golden breath of sunshine your eyes are too much for me so many words unsaid so little time you are all the men I had loved the sparkling future almost forgotten find me i...


June 17, 2018

6/17/18 in formless

I am not ok I do not know who to tell I reached out to friends but the time has passed too long this is my fault


June 15, 2018

coming home in formless

given some time for reflection I realize that I have been buying clothes/makeup because I am lonely because if I dress a certain way, do my make-up a certain way magically I will be happy and fee...


May 20, 2018

hands down in formless

got in a plane and away we went landed at london heathrow to no internet, to English beaches where the sun sets in the wrong place greenness that feels refreshing and alive compared to my brown...


April 26, 2018

lost in the light in formless

when you hold everything in it comes in comes bubbling like an angry frothy sea and here I am standing on the edge of a cliff watching my heart my fear splash against the rocks foam churning wa...


April 11, 2018

hey mami in formless

do you ever wonder if those instincts you get about someone when they say something and you feel like you know also what they are not saying even when you don’t know them all that well maybe it i...


March 23, 2018

It's been a while in formless

For a multitude of reasons I guess I have been lost in a sea of my own thoughts tangled paralyzed almost Open Diary let me re-download my old entries and it was like a time capsule for my earl...


January 04, 2018

journey in formless

think think think I see words filling every crevice slipping down the side of my cup but there is nothing between black curving letters I hear you gasping for air between breaths I feel nothing...


November 07, 2017

Navajo in formless

this song makes me think of santa fe but I am here emptiness can be so loud like a thundering vacuum my dissatisfaction with myself feels like 1000 pounds the dry air makes it hard to catch my b...


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