may 3, 2012 in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'myself really feel.

I've exhausted every possible option. I'm always looking for an out a fight. W/ him. And I don't even know why. I'll say something and he'll ask what and I'll go 'nothing' or 'nvrm' or 'it's nothing of consequence'. I get impatient. I hate repeating myself have for the last 2 yrs.

And then he's like 'why do you do this to me?'. We fight about absolutely nothing. Or at least. I want to. He pointed that out to me earlier today. It's getting boring.

I guess I do it bc............of the adreneline [sp?] rush. cause I need to stay awake. or, at least my body thinks I do. I've had insomnia lately. I really don't need to sleep that much. [no that's just the disorder talking. If I'm tired every day and don't sleep well then..........clearly. i do need sleep].

Yeah but before when I had insomnia we didn't fight nearly this much. Or, I didn't want to.

I'm not annoyed w/ him, exactly. I'm just angry. and inconvenienced so inconvenienced. been more irrational than usual.

Ya know, maybe untill I get myself figured out we should take a break. Or at least not see each other as often. cause when we have on a weekday neither one of us has gotten much sleep. cause I get all emotional and..........stuff. And then I wake him up. I like seeing him I do. I just, don't know if this is really what's best for us. When he presented that idea to me I really didn't have much perspective on the matter. And now I do.

And yet. I also feel like we don't spend enough time together. No that's just sexually/physically. I like watching tv w/ him but............not as much as 'that'. kindof stuff. The reason our sex life isn't as. um. er, active* I guess is the best way to put it, as it used to be is bc we're both just too tired to do much. We still do stuff.............

I don't even want to be his anymore, and I don't think that's a good thing. At least I personally don't see it that way.

i don't know.