Miss Chiffs Manager ⋅ 37 ⋅
Mom! / Biodynamic Urban Farmer / Naturopathic Doctor / Anthroposophist / Mystic / Avid Reader / Writer Extraordinaire / In Pursuit of Moral, Physical, and Intellectual Excellence.
The ending is written into the beginning
Entries 648
Page 19 of 26
Yeah, yeah. MIL’s are always bitchy. Mine is… not really bitchy. At least, not in any way that you could tell off the bat. She’s pretty mild, passionless, passive. Long story. I have had a beef...
What can I have pride in? I find myself feeling rather proud when I formulate a rational opinion with evidence and reasoning. And, even more so when soundly rebutting criticism. Okay; I can make...
is up again. I’ve been buying DCA and it has helped to assuage my anxiety about buying. But now it’s up quite a bit and idk what to do. Still have quite a bit more to drop. Probably should just ...
I bought pens... in Journal
And why is this important, I hear you ask? Well. I love to write. Like. Absolutely love it. Pen on paper, the smooth silky line of ink left cleanly on a white paper. Unlined paper, of course, bu...
Lately I've been in Journal
deleting every facebook post I’ve ever made. I tried doing a purge, but FB is completely retarded and won’t allow me to do that. So. I’m deleting every. single. post. individually. for the past 1...
Mixed Feelings and Irrationality in Journal
Yesterday, after Creep-O 5k sent me that message, I had responded & blocked, I had a pretty weird day. In the mail, was a plain white envelope addressed to me in blue ink, return address a c...
Creep-O 5k, and Worthlessness in Journal
I’m pretty sure that I wrote about my therapy partner before. He was some dude on the server. I wanted a female partner, and posed a request reflecting as much. He insisted on being my partner. A...
Reality in A Childhood Lost
There is an emotional reality present within all of us. I say reality, because our emotional experience is empirical, objective, and involuntary. Just as I cannot will away the check engine ligh...
Aunt, again in Journal
she sent me a few quotes to reflect on recently, and then a longer email about her views on my problems. lol I responded honestly, of course. In my response, I had a quip, which I should have kn...
A Survey General What kind of house do you live in (condo, single family, apartment, craftsman, ranch, etc.)? Pretty sure it’s called a cottage. It’s cute. What kind of siding does it have? Ceda...
Self Knowledge is Hard in Journal
I surround myself with ineffective, harmless people. I realized that about my long time best friend of 15+ years, the other weak. And I’m realizing this about my husband, too. BUT. I am changing...
No Protection in A Childhood Lost
These last few weeks, I’ve been wondering what affect my dad’s fathering has had on me. I knew it wasn’t good; I just couldn’t seem to sift through all the shit and pin anything down. I couldn’t...
Judo has been out for a long while. Since Covid hit. My local club was so much fun. I mean… to me it was one of the only things that really consistently gave me joy. And company. Yesterday, I fe...
Why Don't You Love Me? in A Childhood Lost
I am plagued by so much self- blame. People point it out to me all the time. “But, that isn’t your fault,” they say. “Why are you taking responsibility for that?” or “You’re So much nicer than I...
Tired and Bitter in Journal
I don’t want to be that way. I think that I am finding how to get out of that trap. That tired and bitter mindset which looks at the world with loathing and a “poor me” attitude. It’s an attitudi...
I'm Old... in Journal
I find myself thinking back to who I was 10 or even 5 years ago, and wishing if only I knew then what I know now… where would I be? I wonder. Certainly, not here. All that to say- I bitterly wis...
Blown Away in Journal
I’ve exchanged email with my Aunt over the last several days. I find myself more and more shocked and appalled. I don’t know why, but I thought that she was different. Just another thing that I ...
My Aunt called in Journal
me yesterday. I want to say “out of the blue”, but we had emailed about having a phone conversation last week. It just didn’t work out. So he called me yesterday evening/afternoon. I felt surpri...
My Anger is in Journal
gone. It’s gone! I didn’t will it away, or wish it away, or anything like that. I just stood up for myself. I defined my boundaries, and I defended them. Angrily, sure. I defended them with ang...
I have a lot in Journal
to say. I have been toying with the idea to start a youtube channel. Well. Mostly to publish on it. I already have one. I publish here about a third of what I write, and that’s only lately. I fe...
On FB Again in Journal
And I commented on a “If you did this then you’re a big fat blank” post. And, it went well. It really did. I can’t help but contrast what happened (internally, for me personally) this time vers...
Money Money Money in Journal
My dad always told me Follow the Money, and that is one of the few things he said that was actually useful. Copied from a friend; Cycle of Civilization - Where We Are Working dudes pay inter...
Reactionary in Journal
I am a-political. I really don’t care who your guy is or isn’t. The country has gone to shit. But, it’s been circling the drain for awhile now. More, I am saddened by the lack of brotherly love ...
just sent me a text that said “I miss my daughter” First time I’ve heard from him since July.
Still Lost in Journal
Still don’t know what to do. I want so badly for someone to tell me what to do. And it’s not lost on me that, at my most vulnerable, those that respond with advice or edicts are just manipulator...
