Eerie in Dreams

I am with my same age-mates from grade school. I am really enjoying myself. I am confident. Attractive. Satisfied. Admired. I was with another woman from my class who is classically attractive, fit, and intelligent. She is also admirable, respectable, and confident.
I was being quite social. I was outgoing and expressive, compassionate in my communication, understanding, insightful, helpful. I talked with several more of my classmates, all women, and all of a classically introverted or low self-self esteem attitude. I was warm, caring, and polite.
There was something going on, like a production of some kind. I met with the production manager along with the woman I was with who is in all respects quite accomplished. We work together on this dance-production, and I am chosen as the lead role. I feel happy and fulfilled, and a certain sense of accomplishment. There is honest and genuine admiration for my achievements. I feel that I have earned the lead role honestly with hard work, and am rewarded with honest respect.
Later, I am in a large group of my peers from grade school again, all talking about the production. There is a lot going on; there are costumes and make-up and stage artists milling about, and everyone is positive and excited about the work they’re doing. I see, off to one side and separate from the group, my family of origin, consisting of J, D, and T. I am struck by their evident attitude of impatience, annoyance; their twisted shouting faces and the tight pinched face of J in particular. She shouted, or yelled rather, “Get over here right now!” she was at her most demanding, intimidating and caustic. Clearly her demeanor was threatening, angry, tense, anxious. She wanted what she demanded now, dammit. I saw all of this, but they were muted. No sound at all emitted from any of them. Clearly, they were all shouting in this same manner, but silent. I felt the compulsion of what she was doing- and the motivation behind it. I felt, intrinsically, that J was telling me that I cannot trust these people- that they are only here to take advantage of me, and that this production is a shameful, exposing, vile vanity affair. These people don’t like me, they just want to use me. I have to trust and know that my family are the only people who really know me and really love me. “Obey me!” J shouted. “Do what you’re told!” D echoed.
I saw all of this in the span of a second or 2. I observed their jealous anger and allowed their attitude to affect me. I felt the anger, desperation, and hatred in their stance, their faces and in their words. But, I was in a wellspring of the exact opposite experiences in which I currently bathed. I felt relaxed, satisfied, confident, respected and admired. There was nothing credible to my parents’ desperate claims or their behavior. I turned away from their silent shouting and did not look back.
“I do not like being shouted at and commanded what to do.” I thought to myself.
I sensed J recognized she no longer had any power to control me through force or threats. She decided to change her approach. I could sense, somehow, her calculating the worth of offering some conciliatory prize for the value that I represented to her. T and D left in disgust.
J followed me… she was anxious and unsure but tried to hide it. She pretended to be sure and confident. “These are very revealing.” she commented on the costumes. I didn’t respond. “These people are only interested in your for what you can do for them.” she continued. ” They don’t care about you. This is a very depraved way to get attention.” I turned to her, and observed her. I wondered if there was any awareness at all of her jealous hatred.
Her demeanor was pompous, self-righteous, and demeaning. I turned away once again, and once again I sank into my body and my experiences of self-esteem, and the recognition of self-esteem in others. I felt that there could be no temptation whatever to return with J.