Entries 292

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In behavioral theory (which i know some of because i am a special education teacher), you learn that kids have behaviors (not necessarily bad things, it could be anything) have two motivations: w...

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I’m trying something new, this entry is purely verbal – recorded from my phone. I started reading a book by an author I have been wanting to read for a while, her name is Brene Brown. You may ha...

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I was asked a good question here on PB. I’ve mulled it about a little bit, but not fully immersed myself. “What would be your ideal ‘arrangement/relationship’ with Ian?” My answer was “I don’t kn...

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Not the type of retreat where you back down, but the kind where you escape for a few days of solitude, yoga, meditation, and tech free relaxing. I am considering whether i had a big important tak...

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I spiraled, trying to figure out whether i qualify for teacher student loan forgiveness. Everyone i spoke to was nice, but they couldn’t really answer my questions. Here’s the lowdown: To qualify...

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”When the mind’s activity is stilled, we see life as it is.” I read a book last month, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times. It was the beginning of perhaps a “growth spurt” i...

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I am going to talk about the ease (Jamie), as i was musing on it yesterday, but i also want to get into the therapy work i have been a part of in regards to intimate relationships (Ian). Plus a l...

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I forgot to talk about a really creepy dream i had last night. I think i have all of the parts, but i am not sure i will get them organized the way in which they unfolded. I am with my sister (my...

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So many words i could share, we will see what spills out this morning. Yesterday i was thinking that i would love to have hair the color of the morning. Ian said it would be various shades of pe...

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It is a slightly different day, today. I have a training this morning, so i am absent the first part of the day. It was hard to get myself up and go to the gym, so my second choice was yoga and m...

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Today i spent quality time with music i haven’t heard in a while, a lot of Bob Dylan. I started the morning and bright blue skies with Royal Albert Hall 1966 (over 50 years ago!). I am currently ...

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I don’t get to see Ian tonight as has been our usual, so when i had a chance to see a movie in Portland Thursday night, i invited him. We saw the Oscar nominated shorts, plus a few extra ‘notable...

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A couple of thoughts: I’d like to live more in the moment and think less about the immediate future. I find myself thinking about what plans i have for the next couple months and how fast time is...

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Sometimes i get to a point where i feel i can’t organize everything in my brain. I feel generalized anxiety, even though there is not much to really worry about. My body has been hurting more th...

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Since this is an Oscar contender, it might not seem like the kind of film i would talk about. But. I heard about it and planned to see it before it was splashed all over. Color. Charm. Music. The...

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Here is a video introducing TRE, which i have been doing for about a year now. It’s been instrumental in my mental health and addressing my childhood trauma issues. I’ve been taking private class...

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Now with edit I found this in my draft box from 01/05/17 (even though i saw it before 2017) and never posted it. Oh well, here ya be. Now that i think on it, i was not far off my mark to see one ...

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This morning’s text has me wiggling in my seat, “I know i would much rather be fiddling around in your drawers than whatever it is i am actually doing.”

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TMI entry: forewarning, this entry has sexual content Like kids: me (so very close to 40) and he, 47…woke in the middle of the night- his first night ever sleeping in my bed- to that lust. The in...

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The one where you don’t want to say goodbye and you want to adjust your plans to see that person again? I am out of town next weekend and won’t see Ian. I feel like my brain is taken up by him. I...

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Its good to write directly after i see my therapist. As i was driving home, a few thoughts were bubbling up because today was a more emotional session. Often now, and definitely in the past, i’ve...

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As we sit, Ian says he is entering the land of his people (especially the accent). I seem to love the east coast men who transplanted westwards 20 years ago. I feel like i am still processing th...

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morning, the light i love the most. i don’t want unnatural light to get in the way of basking in the honest morning light. What brings you joy? Morning light brings me joy. in multiple areas i’v...

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The last three times that Ian and I have scheduled dates, it’s been on snow or ice days. We’ve ended up at his place, exploring one another’s bodies and watching movies. We were talking the othe...

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I am amazed at how many different, perhaps conflicting, emotions can be felt at one time. In therapy yesterday i explained how i felt in regards to my mother’s death. still calm sometimes walkin...

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