Entries 5,442

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1.) I wonder if when the Powerpuff Girls hit puberty, they’ll grow fingers. 2.) I am irrationally bothered when people speak the phrase Super Mario Brothers out-loud as “Super Mario Bros”. Youtub...

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1.) The love of watching people embarrass the crap out of themselves using social-media neologisms in real life conversation is called “fleekophilia”. 2.) Yes, I was singing “The Night Chicago Di...

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1.) Yoda narrating my life: “Begun, The Cleaning Wars have.” 2.) If you want a good rap battle, you have to be very diss-organized. 3.) If you slurp your soup too fast at the sushi bar and get it...

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1.) One of the few good things about the Mets churning through AAAA dross looking for non-embarrassing middle relief arms this year is sometimes one of the bad news bullpen names is really funny:...

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1.) Build the world’s fastest waterslide and call it The Tubin’ Missile Crisis. 2.) Now you got me singing Electric Light Orchestra’s “Mister Blue Sky” as “This Gnu Guy”, Great Space Coaster, jus...

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1.) I mean, I sing HOLD ME CLOSER TINY PANTHER to the cat too but then the dog gets all jealous and pissy. 2.) Today’s serenade to the woof-creature has been to the tune of “Day-Oh”: Hey, Mister ...

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I’m not saying this is true or not, Frank couldn’t tell me either way himself, he could only repeat what he’d been told. The busking license his friend carried read “Cesar Zimmerman” a name he cl...

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It wasn’t that she was ugly because she certainly was not, the problem was more simply that she wasn’t perfect. Looks are not the measure of a woman or a man, of course, but even if they were, by...

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1.) Every business you think millenials are “killing” because they don’t spend money on it anymore is something they’d like to spend money on except the middle-class has been gutted so that douch...

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1.) I wonder if they had to re-title “Die Hard” for German markets so no one would think it was a porno. 2.) It’s weird the way post 9/11 America has fetishized security protocols like a badge of...

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1.) I wonder how many Starfleet personnel refuse assignment on ships named Enterprise, like, “nah, man, the Enterprises always, like, time travel and fight demi-gods and stuff, I just signed on t...

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1.) Call your bat mitzvah band “Jem and the Challahgrams”. 2.) A cooking show that incorporates stand-up comics would be pretty cool. I would called it “Flavor Bombed”. 3.) Repeatedly hitting you...

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Sniffing is, of course, Dog Internet and that’s why they’re as addicted to it as we are to laptops and cellular, able to get by snuffling along low to the ground when there’s no other options but...

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1.) What James Gunn said was disgusting but is it as disgusting as the fact that the people calling him on it are supporters of a “president” who was having Russian agents silence teenage girls h...

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1.) As much as many of the individual events of San Diego Comic Con sound amazing and wonderful and fun, to actually wade into that heaving mass of human confusion and endless lines without the p...

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1.) I think adultswim should record a loop of John C Reilly singing mangled versions of Christmas songs interspersed with rambling digressions, animate his Doctor Steve character on fire, slowing...

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1.) A wizard trickster who only casts really-specific mostly-harmless curses, like making a person confuse “patella” with “paella”. 2.) In your reboot of Highlander for the millenial age, Connor ...

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1.) When is our American Spring? 2.) No one voted for Trump “for jobs” just like no one actually ate Tide Pods thinking they were candy. Some did it because they hated Hispanics, Muslims, Jews, g...

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1.) Why call them “nano-bots” when you could’ve called them “microbe-machines”? Legal reasons? 2.) A multi-lingual “Who’s On First?” routine based around the exchange “Seahorses?” “Ci, horses!” 3...

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This grand experiment in writing flash-fiction from a new prompt every single week the library is open, it’s a lot like navigating the Minoan labyrinth, isn’t it? We have the goal, getting to the...

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We as your government regret to inform you that as of oh-five-hundred-hours, toilets have gained sentience and are understandably angry. We admit it’s our bad, we’ve been installing clandestine c...

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When they proved there was an afterlife, scientifically, with big machines and tiny math, less changed in the world than you might have thought. It still didn’t say where you might be going or wh...

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1.) Calcium, in reaction with air, is a heating element. 2.) Cows are all about solidarity, they believe in each udder. 3.) Aren’t gigolos just organ communitizers? 4.) Your Was (Not Was) cover b...

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In the village of Dolgeville New York, in the next town up north of the place where I grew up wide and tall, the place that I call home again my littlest of falls, there used to be a store called...

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1.) Your movie about trying to reboot the Golden Girls series via cloning will be called PLAN BEA. 2.) The realization that the ruination of the internet meme was people beginning to believe that...

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