Entries 5,475

Page 112 of 219

1.) When is our American Spring? 2.) No one voted for Trump “for jobs” just like no one actually ate Tide Pods thinking they were candy. Some did it because they hated Hispanics, Muslims, Jews, g...

---

1.) Why call them “nano-bots” when you could’ve called them “microbe-machines”? Legal reasons? 2.) A multi-lingual “Who’s On First?” routine based around the exchange “Seahorses?” “Ci, horses!” 3...

---

This grand experiment in writing flash-fiction from a new prompt every single week the library is open, it’s a lot like navigating the Minoan labyrinth, isn’t it? We have the goal, getting to the...

---

We as your government regret to inform you that as of oh-five-hundred-hours, toilets have gained sentience and are understandably angry. We admit it’s our bad, we’ve been installing clandestine c...

---

When they proved there was an afterlife, scientifically, with big machines and tiny math, less changed in the world than you might have thought. It still didn’t say where you might be going or wh...

---

1.) Calcium, in reaction with air, is a heating element. 2.) Cows are all about solidarity, they believe in each udder. 3.) Aren’t gigolos just organ communitizers? 4.) Your Was (Not Was) cover b...

---

In the village of Dolgeville New York, in the next town up north of the place where I grew up wide and tall, the place that I call home again my littlest of falls, there used to be a store called...

---

1.) Your movie about trying to reboot the Golden Girls series via cloning will be called PLAN BEA. 2.) The realization that the ruination of the internet meme was people beginning to believe that...

---

The idea that EPCOT Center’s Spaceship Earth looks like a gigantic golf ball is a tired comedy premise unless you add in a gigantic golfer who, before her mighty swing, must yell “FOUR… HUNDRED… ...

---

Friedrich von Steuben. Friedrich von Steuben, that’s a foreign name, isn’t it? The kind of scary immigrant kind of name that’d make Trump the Lame’s last three hairs stand on end. The name Friedr...

---

1.) Are Christmas tree decorations really just “branch dressing”? 2.) A parody of “Put On A Happy Face” about Buffalo Bill from THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. 3.) Egyptian Black Sabbath fans should bu...

---

If you’re famous, on your death, some hack cartoonist will draw the shallowest representation of your life, standing at the gates of heaven. Even if you died at ninety, if the thing you’re famous...

---

We’re all just snow in the air, melting on the ground when we get there, just like George Bailey. George just wanted to build buildings, George wanted to just see the world, George thought he mig...

---

1.) Sometimes random people you never met but facebook says “you might know” are achingly beautiful but you don’t actually know ‘em so you just move on and… being a human being was weird enough B...

---

Even though the American tradition of the hero-criminal is dated back to English mythology and the tale of Robin Hood, the American stories of the good-guy-thief have always seemed so much bloodi...

---

I was having these chips, I was eating these chips, I was eating these chips from a bag from the local convenience store. I was eating these chips called “A Hint of Lime” chips and I thought to m...

---

Finally, Frank got back to the question of why I could see him as he was, a just-under-seven-foot tall sasquatch, when everyone else only saw a street-busker who’d left his costume on inside the ...

---

1.) Twitter has informed me there is a celebrity couple called “Cardi B” and “Offset” that has just had a child and, like, congratulations total strangers? But more importantly, these stage-names...

---

Give a man a fish and yes, he will eat for a day. Set a greedy man loose with a boat and a net and no Coast Guard to stop him, he will eventually get rich but along the way, the fish will invaria...

---

1.) That mash-up of ROCKY MOUNTAIN WAY and WELCOME TO THE MACHINE will be depressing but it’ll have one hell of a rhythm. 2.) Your HOUSE/BILL & TED crossover fan-fiction will have the running...

---

Jack’s mother was a widow trying to hold onto her old family dairy farm and, while it still made enough money to keep Jack and his mother in food and clothes, the county executive was trying to c...

---

I don’t believe in homeopathy, but I do believe in you. If water could actually have memory, it could only remember the dirt and the sky from whence water endlessly recycles. If the dirt could ha...

---

Life is a twenty-piece order of Chicken McNuggets from the local McDonalds. Life turns out to be super cheap and kind of gross when you think about it and incredibly delicious in a crass sort of ...

---

1.) The famous Wild West gunslinger Wild Bill Hitchcock didn’t move fast, as he was very fat but he always won the fight by being able to slowly fade in from his outline and pop in as a cameo out...

---

Don’t hit on the cute girl in the Salvation Army, Mike, just don’t. Nothing good will come from this and you know it. Seriously, get yourself together, you know that nothing about that idea can p...

---