Tiny dancer in formless

Time moves in different ways than it used to.
There are more things to get through the day, but I am continously alone with my thoughts.

I often wonder if I was meant to be here, at this point in my life.

I know that I am a good mom, my son is happy and healthy.

At the same time I really am struggling to find other mom’s I connect with.
I want to keep the parts of myself that existed before I had my son, which often seems like a difficult task. My brain feels different.

I was not anxiously waiting to have a child, I got pregnant on accident, before I felt ready and at a sub optimal time for my career.
I don’t regret it but people need to stop asking me when I am going to have another!

I dunno, but I also am anxiously attached to my son in a way. I have never been away from him for more than 3 hours and the thought of leaving him for longer makes me anxious.

His birthday is in 2 weeks.
the days are long yet time moves so fast.
he still looks back at me with eyes that look just like mine.
and I wonder about all of his life possibilities.
I hope for joy and beauty and passion.
I want him to see the world for all it’s strange and curious nature.
and be kind and good and show other humans his love.

there is something about being a parent that makes me more willing to state my true feelings

always,
phoebe and baby