Patterns in the hills in formless

It’s strange to find myself here again.

My son was born on his due date in mid July. I labored for 12 hrs (1pm-1am) before going to the hospital.
I chose not to get pain meds ( until I couldn’t stand the pain, but that didn’t happen until I was about to push lol) and had a relatively uncomplicated delivery. He was born in the mid morning.

Motherhood is a wild trip.

None of the things I thought would be hard were really that hard. Giving birth is hard, don’t get me wrong, but for me it was a primal experience. I was lost in myself and my body. It felt like running the hardest and longest race I’d ever run, and I couldn’t even really speak until it was over. I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but the actual giving birth part was so quick and intense that it feels like such a short blip in my motherhood experience.
And I was so scared of giving birth.
I also was scared about the sleep deprivation, and my lack of experience with tiny babies, but it is true what they say, that you just figure it out as you go along. I have also googled a lot of weird things at 2am.
I have gotten used to the sleep deprivation much more easily than I thought I would. He also now usually only wakes up 2 times at night (which feels luxurious compared to the early days).

There were also things that were much harder than I thought they would be. Post partum recovery was really rough (and almost 12 weeks later I am still not fully healed) and I had no complications in the hospital.
My son also had a tongue tie which caused extreme pain for me and caused breastfeeding to be very difficult for the first month. I did not mentally conceive how exhausting and isolating exclusively breastfeeding can be.

And somehow, he is the sweetest smiley little baby.
He has my eyes, which I did not expect.
He chirps and talks his own language already, and usually only cries for a reason I can discern.

I had more to say but he is awake now, so that is it for now.

Love and light from me and Baby