I don't know in formless

I am 2 months away from finishing my masters degree
They will let me graduate but I probably don’t deserve it
I am behind on several deadlines and the ones I do finish in time are garbage

My house feels like a prison

Sometimes it feels like my brain is the prison

I always feel like I am on the edge of something
like if I could just do this one thing
change this one thing
THEN
I could do all the great things I was meant to do

but the reality is none of these things

I haven’t escaped the anxious child
she sits here next to me
Dark eyed and angry
screaming at all of my fears

I blinked and my youth has all but disappeared
The greys have started coming in
lines on my face
and I still feel like such a child

I cannot stay organized
keeping my house clean feels like a monumental task that I never achieve

and yet I am supposed to have kids and a job and I can barely take care of myself and 2 cats

people ask me if I am ok, but what am I really supposed to say?
The truth: NO I AM NOT
The answer I give: yeah I’m fine

I am on the edge of falling apart
but what difference will it make if I say so
I don’t know what else to do