Mockingbird in formless

There is a mockingbird outside my window.
He fights with the scrub jay in the orange tree, both chattering and obnoxious.
Sometimes it feels like the show is for me.

I stopped writing, I stopped feeling. Lost in the grey, the constant scroll, hoping for something to light up my brain, only to feel worse.

I am working from home temporarily.
Thanks Omicron.

When I step back and look at my life objectively it’s kind of crazy.

I did it.

I got my Masters Degree, and I am working in the field, like a competent adult.

I also got married in July, and.....I am 13 weeks pregnant.

This pregnancy was not on purpose. and if I were to be truthful I still feel like a teen girl who accidentally got pregnant and feel shame when I tell people. Like I am too young (at 28 lol) and just don’t have enough of my life together

I often feel scared and totally overwhelmed at what the future holds.
I always knew I wanted kids, but I imagined it to be when I was ready.

This will hurt the career I just started, absolutely.

but in the same sense I feel calm and ready to take it on.

Pregnancy has made me stronger already (who knew you could drive and vomit at the same time?)

It has also made me feel inspired to write for the first time in a long time, and maybe because my life is not being lived for just myself anymore. there is a future to look to.

sometimes writing here feels like yelling into an empty void, but that’s ok

love always,

Sayornis ( and baby)