Coming through in formless

I am 27 weeks pregnant

I don’t know how much weight I’ve gained but it’s enough that my body feels like it’s no longer mine. I had an early baby shower (grandparents leaving the state for 6 months and I wanted them to be there) and I still can’t look at the photos.
I had to leave social media, because I was feeling so insecure about my body and the weight I’ve gained, being constantly bombarded by images of thin people wearing things I can’t contemplate, or pregnant women who only gain weight in the belly.

My whole body had changed. I am at peace with this mostly, because most of it is out of my control. I try to eat to nourish myself and the baby and move my body in ways that are comfortable. I’m not experiencing much physical discomfort so I am grateful for that.

The baby will be here in less than three months (unless he is very overdue lol) and somedays I still can’t believe this is my life now.

I’ve been mourning a lot of things lately, mourning the trips we’ve had to postpone, mourning the future I imagined for myself, mourning the body that took a long time to love that will likely change and I will have to learn to love again.

It’s a weird time too, in the last 3 months we’ve been completely priced out of the housing market. Our utilities and groceries have gone up significantly, everything costs more and it feels like a struggle to save any money at all. I spend a lot of time worrying about what kind of future I can provide for my son, or what kind of world he will live in.