fast in formless

it is hard to move forward when your strongest personality trait is self deprecation

tomorrow I will turn 26

I don’t know where I expected to be at this age

was I supposed to be married? Have kids? Figure out my career?
I haven’t made it to any of those points yet

I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years

and I have completed my first year of grad school

I should be working on a portfolio to send to a future employer but I am crippled by self doubt

nothing is good enough

I often feel still that I am not good enough
I am not ME enough

I oscillate between bursting with energy and impatience and being exhausted
both for no apparent reason

sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder whether I am vain or confident