Entries 3,529
Page 40 of 142
june 22
The dumbest portion of any extremism is the accelerationists, those who believe they win by letting the monsters do their worst so people will finally rise against them. For any bruise to quick...
june 21
An excerpt from Quentonian Rhapsody: he’s just a toe boy, that’s what he must see, HE’S JUST A TOE BOY, FROM A TOE FAMILY, AUDITION TIME, YOU MUST SHOW HIM YOUR FEET, FAR BEYOND KINK, IT’S A MO...
june 20
No, Jimmy Fallon, you do not have a great show lined up for us tonight. You have, at best, a Jimmy Fallon show lined up for us tonight and, God help us, you may not even clear that astonishingl...
june 19
That little stone dude in the garden is your best friend. He is your gnomeslice. Did they call 2 Fast 2 Furious’ gag-reel 2 Flubs 2 Funniest? Why call the borders of a puzzle “edge parts” w...
june 18
Now that I think about it, Turbo Teen & Ranma 1/2 crossover fan fiction would be really really really really really really disturbing. SPIDGETTI-Os: WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT PASTABILI...
june 17
In their second go-round, they have matured past being Bennifer. They are now a Jenjamin. To a successful author, seeing fan fiction communities de-fang their work until it is all empty power...
june 16
Instant Universe! Just add Entropy! (Some disappointment required.) In a pinch, for fire-starting, pine-resin soaked fatwood can be substituted for with stoner lung. Violence begets violenc...
june 15
A movie about someone who keeps losing online matches when they find out that she’s a spirit with a cellphone called GHOSTED. Sometimes I will sit back and think about how America forces immi...
june 14
Vermont’s ONLY stand-up comic, Larry The Maple Guy! In discussions of new age healing, if you say “reiki” twice in a row, suddenly you’re rapping. As we are all on social media, just street...
june 13
Is a Choco Taco just an ice cream hotdog? The success of ASMR videos on Youtube is an example of tickle-down economics. Elon Musk, born atop third base, lecturing us on his genius disruptiv...
june 12
A surrealist theme park named Daliwood. A reality show about people lining up to marry Bezos and Gates for their money called BATTLE OF THE NET WORTH STARS. Audrey II is a perfect metaphor ...
june 11
There are not enough jokes involving Jimmy Stewart’s murderous clown character in THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH and the idea of a Barnum and George Bailey’s Circus. If you have to tear Bill Nye ...
june 10
LESS CALLING YOUR LOVER “DADDY” OR “MOMMY”, MORE CALLING YOUR LOVED “CAP’N”! Bottles and cans, containing hams, containing haaaammms, BOTTLED HAMS, two pig servings in a pack to go, BOTTLED H...
june 9
Move ‘em on, head ‘em up Head ‘em up, move ‘em on Move ‘em on, head ‘em up, ENDIVE Cut ‘em out, ride ‘em in Ride ‘em in, cut ‘em out Cut ‘em out, ride ‘em in, ENDIVE As a...
june 8
I have read that the civilian identity of the minor Batman villain Egghead is “Edgar Heed” which is fine, I guess, but it should’ve been Salvatore Manella and you damned well know it. A THC-i...
june 7
Decades too late, I realized that “Interview With The Vampire” was rife for jokes with the punchline “Vlad Pitt”. A parody of Johnny Cash’s “Jackson” except he’s going to the most boring plac...
june 6
When they say “those who fight monsters risk becoming them”, it’s true, but I think it’s misunderstood. It’s not some kind of social contagion of contact that raises your risk, it’s the fightin...
june 5
A mash-up of RENT and THE ROOM, just so we can keep getting back around to the “oh hi Marc!” Any parody of the Beach Boys’ Kokomo about the Poconos would have to include heavy reference to be...
june 4
When Tim Allen was imprisoned for cocaine smuggling, he was apprehended by his good twin, a bounty hunter named Jim “The Cool Man” Jailor. Ooooo lah lah! Special K cereal! Regular K isn’t goo...
june 3
A “Thank You Essential Workers” sign on a strip-mall placard, covering over the sign of a store that had closed. Because that’s all those thoughts are to so many people, empty words to fill spa...
june 2
Photosynthesis means that for plants, every meal is a light meal. Bob Dylan was the first mumblecore rapper. Eminem sampling Warren G to rap about Mom’s spaghetti with the hit “Ragu Late”. ...
june 1
When you write out “N.Y.U.” without punctuation or capitalization, it looks like an anime-fetish sound-word-thing. “nyu nyu”. Just realized that today. Seemed worth sharing. In some ways, it’...
may 31
. The real question for my generation, of course, is “Who was your ship on Nickelodeon’s Out of Control?” Mine, of course, was Davequickly as Diz was to be mine, goddamn it. A compressed misu...
may 30
The detectives searched the BDSM club thoroughly, from top to bottom. Hear me out: a James Cameron bio-pic starring Michael Gross, the dad from FAMILY TIES, in the lead role. Stare into the...
may 29
So many ASMR videos on YouTube seem to be about getting shyly flirted with by a lady barber or masseuse. What does this say about our collective psyche, about our culture’s weird obsession with...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
