Entries 3,460
Page 40 of 139
apr 14
In the end, pop music is the astrology of entertainment, saying vague things about relationships & empowerment literally anyone of any birthdate or identity can identify with. Tofu to soak...
apr 13
If the guy from Train had been cool, his liquor line wouldn’t have been Drops of Jupiter wine, it would’ve been Drops of Juniper gin, it’s just a smarter better pun but, then again, if he was c...
apr 12
Truth is wonderful, justice is meaningful, love is glorious but they all mean nothing if you aren’t humane, aren’t kind. Every well-meaning impulse under the sun can be twisted into a corrupt b...
apr 11
Bitten by both moss and fungus, by the light of the full moon, he transforms into a powerful but terrifying lichenthrope. Quentin Tarantino was very disappointed when he got to the store and ...
apr 10
RON HOWARD VOICE: The Keurig Machine was not de-scaled. J’onn J’onzz except he takes a job in a fine-dining restaurant’s kitchen instead of as a detective and his superhero sobriquet is inste...
apr 9
Love can move faster than light. Love can be in two places at once. Love knows its speed and location at the same time. It violates all the laws at once. Hate is bound to every little technical...
apr 8
A final episode of BLUES CLUES where she leads you to the bodies of all her previous owners. The challenge of the mystery used to mean so much to her but now she’s tired. The compulsion to kill...
apr 7
Is there a duller more generic more lacking-in-lore continuing franchise than Fast and the Furious’s… filmed sequences? You’d figure I’d pick something up more than “Meathead punch other meathe...
apr 6
The dog isn’t poorly trained, he’s just… uh… an exposure-therapy dog. Anytime someone looks like they’re holding an invisible loaf of bread but they’re not literally pretending to hold a loaf...
apr 5
Was the Princess Peach - King Koopa fusion fetish art thing that was briefly A Thing, was that a kaiju waifu? Eventually the Secret of NIHM was refined into their true goal, adorable rat chef...
apr 4
The thing about Wandavision is, it’s accidentally the perfect show for our COVID times. The question: how much would you sacrifice for the illusion of normal? Kidnap a whole town? Kill people b...
apr 3
A fart attack in D&D could be an owlbear’s bowel air. Probably, like, a constitution save. You know you’re on social media too much when you don’t know a single person on your “people you...
apr 2
Fan-journalism is all the worst parts of fandom and journalism at once. If DRAG RACE doesn’t call its blooper reel TUCK FAILS with a kicky parody of the “Duck Tails” theme as its jingle, what...
apr 1
You will cover 1960s psychedelic rock with 19th century instrumentation and arrangement under the name “Jefferson Steamboat”. Then there is his brother who sees everyone as a stereotype, Gary...
mar 31
Sell peanut butter waffles with the catch-phrase “Legume My EGGUMES!” At some point, Macys is going to go bankrupt and the Thanksgiving Parade will get a new corporate sponsor like a jank thi...
mar 30
Snow without Christmas lights is so damn depressing. Can we all just agree to turn them on once the first snow sticks and leave them until the final melt? All our brains would be better for it....
mar 29
The finest medieval architecture was some real moats art. I mean, yeah, I was singing “Hey Ya” about Enya. A song about synesthesia “She Blinded Me With Silence”. On a statistical average...
mar 28
Content content everywhere but no contentment to speak. An open grave is really just a plot hole. Any long screed of pasta demands is a manipesto. Olive’s youngest sister, a social media ...
mar 27
Don’t be a lubricant, be a lubrican. Would Investi-Gator be an alligator that solves crimes or an alligator that trades stocks? So Funko Pops are just Beanie Babies + A Sheen of Irony? I ...
mar 26
A love song about weightlifters called “Heart and Swole”. I don’t know how to properly mash up “Dogs Playing Poker” and “The Last Supper” I just know that when you figure it out, you’ll have ...
mar 25
Too much shotgunning beer will leave you with carpal funnel syndrome. You know what would be an interesting pop culture mash-up? Jiminy Hoffa. A book about an unhinged internet fanboy who, ...
mar 24
If you stitch mild compliments into your socks, you are darning them with faint praise. If the Grimace wants to telegraph his edginess, does he dye his purple hair brown? Slenderman is just...
mar 23
The darkly funny thing, of course, is how for decades these militia yahoos, gun humpers & Seal Team LARPers went on and on about how rebellious and free-thinking and anti-establishment they...
mar 22
Everybody thinks they’re from either a Beatles or a Stones family, nobody realizes the REAL divide is National Lampoon Radio Hour versus Firesign Theatre. The leading cause of poverty is the ...
mar 21
Nixon wasn’t more “dignified” to resign, after all, it was simply that he knew Ford would pardon him like the stooge he was. Now, granted, Nixon never tried to have his vice-president murdered ...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
