Entries 3,428
Page 21 of 138
mar 9
I’ve come to the realization Reagan defunded the American mental health system, closing most in-patient mental health facilities, not to save money but rather to boost voting numbers for his po...
mar 7
If you use a clay kiln to bake your rum cake into a flat-bread, that’s naan-alcoholic. All you really need to fuel a starship is to go into a drug store, buy a bunch of antioxidants and oxida...
mar 5
A workplace sitcom about a funeral home called MOURNING PEOPLE. A movie about a serial killer who beats people to death with a weighted purse called ACCESSORY TO MURDER. “Are you getting ov...
mar 3
Considering there are two classic good-bad movies where Santa battles the Devil and Martians, separately, it implies a shared universe where a movie about the Martians battling the denizens of ...
mar 1
But what’d be even more terrifying than the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would be the Four Horsegirls of the Apocalypse. Did we ever get a Ghostbusters / Pac-Man crossover? There’s a lot o...
feb 27
The problem isn’t telling rich morons like Trump or Musk what they want to hear so you can take their money. They morally deserve to be scammed! The problem is all the rubes who will believe th...
feb 25
SIMPLY / HAVING / A PROBLEM WITH ALL THESE MIMES / SIMPLY / HAVING / A PROBLEM WITH ALL THESE MIMES It’s a cross between “Hooters” and “Chili’s” and it’s called “Fapplebees”. How did they n...
feb 23
If we really want to go into space, have we considered smashing antipasto and pasto together and harnessing the energy of their mutual annihilation? If you’re hired to run a snowplow in the p...
feb 21
Must be crazy to be the leftovers after a big delicious meal. It must be like The Rapture but for food. Dating a heating-and-cooling mechanic comes with fridge benefits. The Christmas song ...
feb 19
I still like to believe that “The Babysitters Club” was named not after the protagonists but rather the cudgel they shared to bludgeon particularly unruly children into slumber. Did the alt-r...
feb 17
A fusion of Gallagher and Jim Gaffigan, “Gaffigher”, who ends every show by smashing a bunch of Hot Pockets. The people at Hasbro are a bunch of Trouble makers. Why call it a “dairy” when y...
feb 15
Why call it “analingus” when you could call it “taint and sip”? And America can stop pretending to care about soccer for another four years. I would want to say “Work to be kind but have fu...
feb 13
In North Dakota, Super Mario Brothers 2 was originally called Okie-Dokie Panic. The greatest name for a punk rock band is, of course, JON ARBUCKLE’S FAT PUSSY. A parody of Paul Simon’s Koda...
feb 11
My capacity for guilt is bottomless. I just felt guilty for not having heard of a celebrity who passed away. I saw people being moved by his work (I am not versed in recent pop/rap/R&B) and...
feb 9
All I know is that my Winnie-the-Pooh / Little Shop of Horrors mash-up is going to include the song “Suddenly Eeyore”. Tubi or not Tubi? Not Tubi. Definitely not Tubi. Okay, okay, I get the...
feb 7
A parody of Ray Stevens’ “Guitarzan” about the near-infinite human rights abuses that had to occur to make the Qatar World Cup a possibility. On those reality shows about plural marriage, it’...
feb 5
All this talk about DIE HARD being a Christmas movie, but if you wanna talk about the arrival of a savior who is misunderstood, murdered and resurrected, then the real Christmas movie is THE DA...
feb 3
Note to myself I found in my pocket: “I’m on this Earth to do two things: Help people and drink coffee. And currently I’m all outta people.” I still can’t believe that they called it “Basic I...
f 1
I think FULL-FAT HIGH-MOISTURE MOZZARELLA is a great name for a band. I just don’t know why the adult film industry doesn’t call their end-of-year awards show “The Peepholes’ Choice Awards”. ...
jan 30
How about, like, steam-punk but for the age of media on magnetic tape? Tape-punk? Total early-VHS aesthetic. I think that’d be my throwback aesthetic. Any time a BBQ aficionado refers to them...
jan 28
THE SCRYING OF LOT 49 is a lot less complicated than THE CRYING OF LOT 49. She goes to a psychic who looks into a crystal ball and says “it’s a stamp collection”. Easy peasy. With Twitter on ...
jan 26
Why say “STD” when you could say “affection infection”? A parody of the Ben Folds Five’s “Jackson Cannery” about battling a lich. “that vampire’s chasing me but I got his phylactery, whoa-oa,...
jan 24
An all you can eat dumpling buffets invariably lead to wonton destruction. I don’t know what the “cyberchunk” aesthetic would look like but I think I’d like to invent it. I feel like if Har...
jan 22
Will Garvey is a celebrated private detective but he’s really a front man for his super-intelligent talking cat Biscuits, who really solves all the crimes. They are BISCUITS AND GARVEY. If yo...
jan 20
Kicking it out to a wing for a risky three instead of going for an easy lay-up is known as the Dunk-Cost Fallacy. The glummest member of a Ren Faire troupe is called the “Theeyore”. If you ...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
