Entries 186
Page 7 of 8
nov. 5, 2012
'Yeah so he got here at midnight30 last.........um........Tues. and it's now 7 a.m. the following Monday. morning. [obviously morning]. It's been nice, for the most part. Over the weekend we had ...
nov. 6, 2012
'So yeah. the other day we talked and he said he knows when I say I want to end us it's just bc I'm scared. well i mean yes and no. I'm scared to lose him and yet i'm scared to be w/ him. not bc ...
nov. 6, 2012
'um so obviously from the title i've been having PTSD moments lately. Last night and the one before I erm. 'visited the circus' as it were. and then we smoked. Along w/ that came um. nausea/quesi...
nov. 8, 2012
'>......./triggers/hangovers. E Um.yeah. currently 9:40 p.m. Right so I didn't have a good day. We got back from the bar between 1:15 and 2 this morning. I'd gotten drunk the night before ha...
nov. 10, 2012
'Ok so I'm now more able to think clearly. Um yeah so the other morning I was obliterated as hell. I destroyed my living room, kitchen, bathroom, a bit of the hall. Meaning I took stuff off the t...
nov. 10, 2012
'here's what's going on.and sleep thing/depression/ptsd/schizo/anorexia/alcoholism/be sad all day/afraid of not being taken care of/self sabotage/pushing people away pretty good handle/maybe my r...
nov. 13, 2012*
'So we had another fight. We were in bed the other day it might've been yesterday. I was pulling his hair and he turned around and did the same to me but I still wouldn't stop. And so he says "do...
nov. 13, 2012
'So last Thurs. I was hungover. don't remember how I was Fri. Sat. I wasn't good. it was snowy and gray and fukin cold. and yes i was out in it. at the store. Sun. I was actually ok. Yesterday I ...
nov. 14, 2012*
'no not the show. This is our new normal now. Me, living in fear of him. we haven't had any fights since. And I haven't been destructive since. No bc apparently if I am towards him that's his r...
nov, 14, 2012. *
'how we can go on loving the people we love even when they've somehow wronged us. or even being friends w/ them. I love him. ya know? i still love him. and it's not like it's a constant thing of ...
nov. 14, 2012. *
'So he's out of work. he's been out of work for awhile about 2 wks. And he's been scared bc he doesn't know what's going to happen moving forwards. Ok makes sense. And maybe that's another reason...
nov. 15, 2012. *
'misinformed. Ok so I was in the wrong. I kept pushing him. But I would never dig up something from someone's past and use it against them. ever. and i'm better than he is for that. And so I wa...
nov. 16, 2012
'>......makes me feel like Cleopatra. our routine/threaten the promise of rpe and my decision/confessions of a muffin queen/holiday/thanksgiving/family stuff. So around 3 this morning [curre...
nov. 17, 2012. ED.
'>Slight TMI Slightly Gross Yeah so within the last wk I got my perod. It always does a number on me but this tme moreso than usual. idinno. It was awful. James actually got some more pot fr...
nov. 17, 2012
'>although it's currently 2:20 p.m. here. So I woke up at. well i'm really not sure. 5:44? maybe. i remember it was still dark out. I must've slept at least 12 hrs. my god. Apparently my fri...
nov. 17, 2012. ED.
'yes this again. I've relapsed. For the 1st day or 2 of my period I'm really not hungry. But I was relapsing even before that. I didn't eat for 2 days. And he's trrying to figure out why. or, h...
nov. 17, 2012
'that's what he asked me the other day. Yeah. Of course. Of course I do. Otherwise I would've already left. Sure maybe not as much but I still do. There have been times. when. I haven't loved h...
nov. 17, 2012
'about me/it says.that./only time will tell/don't feel like i'm settling/family knows. Right so as put. And yet I'm still w/ him despite the fact that he's scared me twice. It's been few and ...
dec. 11, 2012
'I've been in a constant liquid smoky haze lately. W/ all the smoking and drinking I do. I drank an entire bottle of vanilla vodka over the weekend. And no I'm not proud of it. And then early yes...
dec. 11, 2012
'should've/sobriety scares me/i need to look back to get through. Part 2 of the previous entry. Like I said I've been in a constant haze lately. Last week I had 4 white Russians and a shot. The...
dec. 15, 2012
'confused. and I don't understand what went on. No Advice About last night. which didn't happen. Well ok it did we just didn't have our usual Friday. Bc he wasn't here. Yeah.......um. And I'm p...
dec. 16, 2012
'At some point during the night [Wed.] I'd gone out and smoked w/ a friend of mine. So I was feeling pretty good by the time I came back in the bar. he went back to his place. Actually we smoked ...
dec. 19, 2012
'So last night I got triggered. I could not wait to get out of the bar. We could not get out of there fast enough. Um. As mentioned, I went to the bar for their Xmas party. It was a good night, c...
dec. 21, 2012
'Um so I still haven't heard from him. I emailed him earlier telling him that if he doesn't get back to me by the 23rd I'll email my mom and tell her we're not going to my relatives' holiday dinn...
dec. 21, 2012
'exactly the kindof thing you want to wake up from. thank you PTSD. ef. Yes I literally just woke up 10 mins ago [2:30 p.m. atm] from another dream about rpe. I don't want to go into details ri...
