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Since OD is shutting down....

by justme25

Entries 681

Page 1 of 28

9 hours ago

No sitter.

Alright so my Mom agreed to watching my daughter tonight, she’s backed out because I refuse to ride in the same car with my little brother. I invited him to go and he finally decided a couple of ...


9 hours ago

Car problems

So my car is going to sit broke down until the 31st when I tow it somewhere. I can’t afford the $600 that every mechanic wants to fix it so I’m going to go the cheaper route where I only have to ...


14 hours ago

People disgust me.

Anyways so the family friend that was supposed to fix my car has bailed. I guess my Dad talked to him yesterday and reminded him that he was paid for both cars and he needs to own up to his end. ...


I’ve been hard timing it today. I see on that filthy website that he has a cell phone number and he was trying to find hook ups. I’m not jealous that he hooks up with people but I’m jealous that ...


6 days ago

Silver lining.

So I woke up to an email saying that my counselor is out sick today so I need to reschedule. I’m not super upset that I won’t see her today but it sucks that I had it set up for my Mom to babysit...


7 days ago

Introvert.

Sometimes I think about how nice it is to not deal with anyone if I don’t want to. I like not having a job where I have to put up with other people and their rudeness. There’s a lot of times I tr...


August 02, 2022

August 1st.

It’s already almost 100. Super hot. It’s going to be pretty hot for the next few days. We are keeping cool though. I really don’t have much planned for today other than straightening up the house...


July 31, 2022

Message.

So, he has several profiles on Facebook and apparently messaged my friend on the 18th wanting to take her swimming and for the whole weekend. She didn’t see it until today. I think it’s not only ...


July 30, 2022

Reality.

Anyways, in the midst of my desperation my brother’s friend showed up at looked at the cars. He’s going to fix them and it sounds like by next week I’ll be back on the road. I got one car part an...


July 29, 2022

Car problems

Anyways so I’ve contacted an agency that helps with car repairs and it’s a lot of hoops to jump through. Apparently they need 3 estimates and they could decide not to cover the bill if it’s too m...


July 24, 2022

Car broke down.

I took my daughter to the park yesterday and on our way home, the car decided to run really shitty and then die so we ended up waiting about 4 hours for a tow. It was hot, we had very little wate...


July 24, 2022

Predator.

I’ve been doing some thinking about my Mom asking if my daughter can go with them to run errands and I don’t know if it’s because she asked just to be the peace keeper or it was my Dad pushing it...


July 22, 2022

Today.

So I had just left the conversation with my Mom up in the air yesterday. I sent an email this morning letting them know I wouldn’t be coming to my appointment and that I needed to reschedule. No ...


July 21, 2022

Wowzers.

Okay so I told my Mom about a week ago that I had my counseling appointment tomorrow at 10am. I ask her about it again today where she says that they have a bunch of errands to run and how she ‘f...


July 20, 2022

Emotions.

I still don’t have a working phone. I have a bunch of calls to make, starting with scheduling my daughter’s check up and I want to get that done before school starts. I’m hoping by next week I’ll...


July 18, 2022

HOT!

So it’s triple digits today. It’s been massively hot for the last several days but today is the worst. It’s supposed to cool down after today for a little while though. I’m hoping they are going ...


July 13, 2022

Day 5.

I haven’t smoked in 5 days and I’m doing alright. I still have moments where I want to go buy another pack and only smoke 1 but I know that I wouldn’t smoke just 1 so I haven’t. I didn’t put a pa...


July 10, 2022

No more smoking.

OKay so I tried to stop smoking a little over a month ago and just couldn’t do it and convinced myself I would only smoke just when I absolutely needed to and that turned into almost 2 packs a da...


July 08, 2022

Taxes.

Alright so..... I have gotten 3 letters from the IRS saying they need another 60 days to review and that I don’t have to do anything. Well, I have since linked up with a tax advocate and I guess ...


July 08, 2022

Birthday!

We did the miniature golf thing yesterday which was pretty fun. It was super hot though and we were both just dripping sweat but it kicked off her day. I wanted to take her to do something really...


July 04, 2022

Shit show.

So there’s been some shit going on that I’m really upset about. I’ll start with last night. We are over at my brother’s house after my daughter’s nap where everything is going just fine until my ...


July 03, 2022

Yesterday.

So I had my brother watch my kid and I went to counseling. My Mom actually showed up while we were gone and I told her to go over there. I went over there when I was done and we just hung out. My...


June 29, 2022

Bible camp.

I really took my daughter to the bible study thing yesterday and it was not the best experience for someone like me who is introverted and has an overall dislike for the human population. I took ...


June 26, 2022

Not as hot.

It’s been a lot cooler the past couple of days and it’s going to be cool tomorrow too. I was able to clean up the house today and get the laundry done without sweating my ass off and can actually...


June 19, 2022

Limits.

I’ve messaged him and let him know for this to work that I need him to start splitting costs down the middle, all communication needs to be through messaging or email and I’m willing to set up a ...


Book Description

I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.

Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.

I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.

So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.

I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.

I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.

It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.

My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.