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Whirlwind.
Okay so Sunday was just a rough day all the way around. Work was awful. It just wasn’t staying busy and I wasn’t making what I needed for the week. I finished the week short $70 which I’m still u...
Grandma's Funeral, work.
So it’s early Saturday morning. Thursday morning we laid my Grandma to rest. The funeral was absolutely beautiful. She was very loved. We went out with my aunts and uncles for dinner at Pizza Ran...
You guys are awesome!
I’ve been reading my comments from my last entry and I’m sitting here crying like no other. Y’all have been so supportive! I get more support online from people I don’t know than here in what sho...
I'm fucking heartbroken.
All I can say is I will never try to find a man after this. I am going to make 1 entry about this person and I won’t speak of it again. I just don’t understand why I’m always berated for my likes...
Things are okay.
My daughter went with her Dad on Saturday afternoon. She stayed with them and then they took her to school this morning. He messaged saying she was crying when it was time to say goodbye. I told ...
Tuesday.
So my daughter went with them for the weekend and even stayed last night with them. They had gotten a room here in town and then took her to school. I’ve hung out with a new guy a couple of times...
It's Friday.
I was working yesterday and thinking about what I’m going to do about my Mom eating our food. Even though I’ve explained that we don’t get much help with groceries anymore because I’ve had income...
Thursday.
It’s been a pretty good day. My daughter and I got breakfast and then some stuff at the store. She’s leaving on Saturday morning to spend the holiday with her Dad. I had originally tried to invit...
Wednesday.
So since I worked yesterday morning and last night, I decided to take today off. My daughter and I ran to Target. I wanted to get a gift card for her big sister and a few other things. I’m now in...
Tuesday.
I showered this morning before we went and had breakfast. My daughter came with and I made a little bit of money. I was busy last night when that boy messaged me over Facebook saying he needed $8...
That boy.
Yeah so he left Saturday night due to his knee hurting. He said he needed to get home and take muscle relaxers because the pain was so bad. I guess he tried to work some Saturday but then fell on...
Monday.
It’s another snowy/crappy day. We’re staying home because the roads are covered with ice and snow. There’s no travel advised all over the state and it’s just another day to stay in. I’m still rea...
It's Sunday.
So it’s been a whirlwind of activity the past few days. My Mom did come and babysit yesterday and on Friday. I haven’t heard from her today because it has snowed so that’s her out. I’m still tryi...
Yeah.
So last night we went out to eat and then my friend came over. We watched a movie and just hung out. He spent the night and left this morning. I was a bit irritated because he didn’t want to make...
Here we are.
I’m really worried about this weekend. It’s supposed to snow but it won’t be super cold so hopefully it either won’t snow much or it won’t stick. I worry that with the bad weather, my Mom will ha...
I can't sleep.
So I went to bed super early again and now I’m up and I just want to sleep. I’m struggling with everything right now. I have been talking to a couple of different people on Facebook about watchin...
You guys!!
I appreciate the comments! This guy is pretty much a joke. He’s the same one I wrote about a few months ago. The one that said out of nowhere that he was worried I was going to use him but he’s b...
Monday, oh boy.
So I slept pretty good last night. I was absolutely exhausted. Yesterday we had breakfast after getting busted. I knew I wasn’t to bring my daughter with me while I worked and it was discovered. ...
Car bill, doing alright.
It’s now Sunday morning. I got the car fixed, I guess. It was a couple of thousand dollars and it still makes the same noises as before. I’m hoping it’s nothing serious or expensive at this point...
Another day.
Last night was a rough night for sleeping. I’m not as tired as I should be, but hoping tonight is going to go better. My daughter just struggled to go to sleep. I don’t know if she’s worried abou...
They don't care, keep going!
I am definitely getting tired. I’ve been up since 3am, I didn’t sleep well at all worrying about my car and what it’s going to cost me to fix it. I dropped daughter off at school, got my coffee a...
Car troubles.
I truly appreciate the comments. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I don’t have any support here in my life so getting it online is nothing short of amazing. Even if my own family doesn’t c...
I wish I ever had support.
It’s been a decent morning. I got my daughter to school, had breakfast and then a shower. I drove some today and I have a weird clunking noise by the front tire when I go in reverse or hit certai...
Alarm is going off in 3 hours.
So I went for a little bit while my daughter and her big sister went to the park and got coffee. My daughter brings me a coffee because she knows what I always order. It’s just so cute how she re...
Early Sunday morning.
So we left here yesterday about 3:45 and got home about 9pm. It was a good night. I ate hot dogs from the gas station. My daughter was very good as usual. I have noticed new pain in my left shoul...
Book Description
I’m really not into switching to another site but it looks like OD is going offline in the next few days. I downloaded my diary but it looks way different and doesn’t seem like all my entries are in it and that makes me very sad. I’ve gone through so much in the past 3 years and everything is documented on OD.
Anyway, I’m just exhausted from work and school. I love that I have so much going on and I am creating a better future for myself but getting enough sleep is always a task. I still have to take TYlenol PM every night or else I will be wide awake until I do. I am just so sick of it. I miss being able to go to sleep on my own. There’s just so much going on nowadays and I don’t want to spend all my free time at home sleeping.
I got most of my homework done and I feel pretty good about that. I’m glad that i’m in an easy math class this semester because that is my toughest subject. I love my computer class because it’s stuff that I already know how to do, I’ll just get better at it and learn a few things along the way.
So it looks like I’ll be going to court on the 21st for my small claim lawsuit against the place that fucked me over on my car. I talked to the mechanic today that worked on it and he said that he would go to court with me but I never believe they’ll actually do what they say until the time comes. I really hope he does because his statement is really important and I just don’t know who else is going to come with me.
I still don’t have much to do with my family. My Mom is probably the biggest bitch I’ve ever known and I just can’t stand trying to talk to her one the phone. I called her yesterday to let her know when the court date will be because I couldn’t hear her because they were in the car with the windows down because they were smoking and I tried to tell her I couldn’t hear her and she got all defensive so I hung up. I was just too fucking tired to deal with her attitude and how rude she is to me so I hung up and went about my day.
I decided that if they don’t give me any money when they get their taxes that I will be completely cutting them out of my life. I helped them with $1,300 in the month that I borrowed her car and gave it back with a full tank of gas so I do expect even $40 when they get their taxes. Her and my Dad both told me that they would give me some but I really doubt they actually will because they NEVER pay anyone back and that’s why no one helps them anymore but I almost lost my car and got my cable shut off from helping them and I just feel like if they don’t even attempt to pay me back then they didn’t appreciate me helping. I know that I need to cross them off regardless if they pay me back or not but if I don’t hear from them when they get their taxes, that will be the last fucking straw for me. My family has done nothing but use me and shit on me my entire life so I don’t expect much but it’s just sad how much they have fucked me over and the negative affect they’ve had on my life.
It’s been nice to be off today and yesterday, it’s been much needed. I just feel like I never get enough sleep and being sleep deprived all the time is really not good. I’m glad to have just been at home to hang out, sleep, take a hot bath and get most of my homework done. I hate feeling like I never get enough sleep and I feel like I walk around like a zombie most of the time. What made it worse was having to get up 3 days in a row and 2 of those days was dropping my car off to get some shit fixed. It’s nice to take my car to the mechanic and not have to deal with a bunch of drama to get it back. I don’t have to worry about anything and that alone makes me grateful to have a different car.
My ex is still on my mind quite a bit, more than what i want him to be. I just can’t understand why I can’t just forget about him and move on. I’m still stuck on why he treated me so badly and how he did everything he could to convince me that it was completely acceptable for us to never see each other and that if was fine for him to never include me in his life at all. I was just fighting a losing battle and wouldn’t let go of it. I know that it’s because I had no one else and loneliness was a huge factor but I will NEVER again let someone talk to me like he did. Just because he didn’t call me names like my ex John did, doesn’t mean he was any less abusive. He said some of the most awful things about not only me but people I loved and cared about. He got sick pleasure from knowing how much he brought me down. My friend at work said that I need to find happiness within myself and she’s right. I need to work on myself and figure out my feelings towards my past before I try to find another relationship because it wouldn’t be fair if I met someone now because they would suffer from how others have treated me and I’m not ready to be with someone. Yeah it would be nice to have someone to do shit with in my free time and I would love the company but I need to figure out myself first. My ex left behind a very confused, hurt, shattered person and I need to fix what he did to me, not by finding someone new but learning how to be comfortable within myself and focus on school and work and just doing me before trying to bring someone into my life.
