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Page 113 of 219

Maybe the characters in the classic-rock-radio staple story-song “Piano Man” wouldn’t be so depressed if they didn’t have to listen to Billy Joel. Maybe this guy Davy is completely happy with his...

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In a thousand years, priests and scholars will still have their debates about history, whether they engage in holograms or in hovels, whether the arguments are in cave paintings or in non-fiction...

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1.) Your cartoon where Julia Roberts voices a black-widow spider will be called LOVE, EAT PREY. 2.) Ken Burns Jazz, Ken Burns Baseball, Ken Burns Vietnam, WHEN WILL WE STOP THIS ARSONIST NAMED KE...

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1.) The “Christian rock” genre is one of those American Paradoxes that seems completely insane from the outside without the context of how many times American culture has eaten its own tail. Sort...

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So, do you want the good news or the bad news? I figured, most want good news first. After that, though, do you want the bad news or the worse news? Should’ve assumed that too. I’ll just start. T...

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I often wonder about the people who ended up becoming the various parts of Frankenberry. You know, Frankenberry the breakfast mascot, along with Count Chocula and Boo Berry, part of the Holy Trin...

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1.) I love fireworks myself but I have enjoyed this being the 4th of July where everyone who hates fireworks “came out” on social media at once, actually. I don’t know why, I guess I dig witnessi...

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1.) Then there was of course the great British bandit couple Bonnie and Clive who famously nicked four Flake bars from the druggist’s and, during their escape, threw a toffee apple at the boot of...

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1.) It’s too bad D&D already claimed the word because we could totally call baby teeth “tieflings”. 2.) Your story about a rat with a drinking problem whose friends come together to sign it u...

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1.) I am the fluorescent lights in the kitchen, the fluorescent lights in the kitchen are me, the more humid it is, the less well we work. 2.) I like to think that Puff Daddy was whistling at a u...

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1.) Your parody of “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” about bigamists will be a huge hit on BYU’s college radio station. 2.) Put helping people, just helping people, above tribalism, above economic tri...

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1.) Your movie about a zombie racing league started in Arizona after the zombie apocalypse is mostly controlled will be called DEAD HEAT. 2.) But if you’re a hipster warlock, you name your crow f...

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1.) A world beholden to folks who need to break, to burn, to tear things down to prove that they are special. Many of ‘em have good intentions, to entertain, to make things better, but in selfish...

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1.) Whenever I remember that “feminists” who are bigoted against trans people are called TERFs (trans-exclusionary feminists) I remember the old schlock film “TERF Nazis Must Die!” and imagine a ...

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1.) You think you gotta own all this stuff, you think you have to impress with all your stuff, no, you just gotta see it. All these people, all these wonders, you could see them all, hear it all,...

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Frank Yetti woke up late in the morning most days, there weren’t enough tourists walking down Hollywood Boulevard at ten to make the effort worth it, especially on a weekday, so he afforded himse...

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Atlas didn’t shrug, at least the times that Ms. Rand said he did. Atlas didn’t need to shrug from exhaustion or despair, anyway, Atlas was very rarely actually the one holding our earth up there ...

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1.) If an establishment Democrat won the primary, you vote for them in the general, to oppose Trump. If an outsider Democrat won the primary, you vote for them in the general, to oppose Trump. So...

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breaking what you own yourself can absolutely be punk rock only if the things you break were things from cheap or free and half-broken to begin with if they are in working order even that is...

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Still, even if I believed what Frank said, that there was a curse placed on what would eventually become Los Angeles, where you’ll see what you want to see unless you are insane, very high or unl...

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1.) Because you can never assume how someone identifies, I like to stick with the perhaps-outdated but gender-respectful plural “peeps”. Yeah, it’s from a time when “Bennifer” was still used unir...

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1.) If you’re going to do a musical version of KING KONG, at least have the decency to call it APE MISBEHAVIN’. 2.) (Funko Pops are nerd Beanie Babies.) 3.) Watched the news until I couldn’t take...

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Minnie Driver was six feet tall and on the set of “Good Will Hunting” Matt Damon had to stand atop three apple boxes just outside the camera’s frame, so he might appear taller than the female lea...

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Whenever “Gilligan’s Island” comes up in conversation, invariably we’ll get around to the idea that if the Professor was so brilliant, why wasn’t he able to build a raft and get back to Hawaii? A...

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There used to be a time when teevee stations would sign-off for the evening, one-thirty in the morning, after the late show, after Letterman or whatever. They’d run the National Anthem or a praye...

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