keyword: yes, title: wish you were here in misc. flash fiction

So, do you want the good news or the bad news? I figured, most want good news first. After that, though, do you want the bad news or the worse news? Should’ve assumed that too. I’ll just start.

The good news is that you don’t have to worry about the Rapture, the tribulation, the time when those God has judged worthy are taken up into Heaven. Don’t sweat it, you have bigger things to worry about now.

Because the bad news is The Rapture already happened. Years ago. All those goodies and holies have been at God’s right hand for years now, lapping manna and ambrosia, having a good laugh at all of us down here on Earth. It’s done. It’s been done for a while now. And so, you ask “How could that have happened without me knowing? That sound like big doings to me, wouldn’t that have made a big story on the television?”

What you fail to understand is that when they called up The Elect, God added one last little twist to the action. When the faithful flock was called into the sky barn, immediately, instantaneously each one of them was replaced an illusionary duplicate, programmed to do everything the person would have done had they not been returned to God. The echoes of the Lord’s chosen remained here so you wouldn’t even know the difference, that you might wallow doubly in the flames of an aftermath due to your ignorance of it. They were not only assumed into Jehovah’s Grace but then, just to rub it in, after God assumed, an “ass” was made of you and me.

Think about the last few years, the monsters in the halls of power, the horrors on the daily they have with impunity wrought, the great minds and joy-bringers dashed. Prince and David Bowie only had their copies called up as a favor from Yahweh, too great to be sullied with xeroxes. If we aren’t in a lake of fire now, where could we be?

And then that worst news: even upon learning this, no matter how much it makes sense that the good are already gone and you’re just slogging through the bitter afterglow of a once-fine world, your mind won’t be able to fully grasp that truth. God made sure of that too. You even now want to believe I’m lying to you, still, as a test. To believe there is yet hope for something and vast to barrel in, deus ex machina, to save your ass. A test of faith, a test of mettle, to see who will keep trying to be good even when all hope seems lost. This may all just be a ruse to shake you from a happy ending coming just over time’s next horizon. Yes, you’re probably that much in denial of the fact things have completely gone to hell.

And who knows? You may even be right. And maybe someday you’ll even find out if you’re right.

Last updated July 07, 2018