Entries 3,429
Page 28 of 138
march 27
If Freddy Kreuger is about to kill you and you call him “Fredward Scissorhands” before he does, I bet he’d at least respect that. I bet Tarantino once bought a whole pallet of Barefoot Wine a...
march 25
Has anyone else seen that Spectrum ad where they styled the spokesman for some reason to look almost exactly like character actor/registered sex offender Jeffery Jones? Like, how do you do that...
march 23
I wanted to feel something for that Obi-Wan trailer, I really really did. But there’s just too much Star Wars, so many Star Wars, infinite Star Wars, I’m full up on Star Wars, I’m exhausted on ...
march 21
Yes, gas prices up when you try to stop the dictator of a petro-state from invading his sovereign neighbors. If you want good things to happen, you have to make sacrifices. Like how if you want...
march 19
I mean, I’m currently mashing up Sonic Youth’s “Bull In The Heather” and “Fortunate Son” in my head, I don’t know about you. Is WINGS the least-significant sitcom of significance? Right on th...
march 17
He had forgotten throwing that boomerang but it was all coming back to him now. Are you your best self? I mean, probably not but we don’t need your best self. Your best self can go shove it, ...
march 15
I like to think that the first draft title of “We Didn’t Start The Fire” was “Blame Someone Else Not Us”. In a world ruled by Bedazzlers, one hero can stands against the rhinestone apocalyps...
march 13
I mean, we could definitely do a parody of Takin’ Care of Business with the “makin’ bacon pancakes” meme. Of course we could. A mash-up of Rammstein and Uptown Funk revolving around the line ...
march 11
If you’re gonna do a Canadian zombie movie, there is no better title than DEAD PENNER’S PLACE. If you slowly bring your green eggs and ham to temperature in a warm water bath over a twelve ho...
march 9
Blackbeard sailin’ in the dead of night! Took that one good eye and went to sea! Everyone memes on how The Never Ending Story clearly had an ending, no one’s talking about how “Final” Fantasy...
march 7
I cannot say if a feature length parody of Citizen Kane about Chuck E Cheese, “CITIZEN CHEESE”, would save the world in these tenuous times or not. All I’m saying is I think it could be worth a...
march 5
The only reason we’re not dealing with a PONG motion picture and a PONG cinematic universe is that the nostalgia cycles weren’t in sync to provide us with such an abomination. Okay, but how a...
march 3
It amazes me how many people subscribe to a faith where their deity was nailed to a tree and died painfully in sacrifice for them, yet they won’t even put on a mask or get a flu shot to help ot...
mar 1
We can all, at least, agree that the worst Disney porn parody would be SCHLONG OF THE SOUTH. singing “gonna be a DROW-BOY bay-bee, dual wield blades and you hate sun-shine, DROW-BOY bay-bee, ...
feb 27
A fusion of King Crimson’s “Thela Hun Ginjeet” and Bauhaus “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” built around the chorus “BELA LU GOSI, BELA LU GOSI, I’VE HEARD HE’S DEAD, BELA LU GOOOOOSI” (we can even mix in ...
feb 25
“If everyone’s important, no one is” is not the lesson to walk away from this life with. “If you’re important, everyone is”. That’s the key to this whole brief ride. HOT TAKE: I dislike Cinci...
feb 23
The worst thing nostalgia does, of all its many horrors, is create a sense that since the past was so good, the best we can do is repeat it and, short of that, just give up on futures entirely....
feb 21
A Twilight-esque reimagining of The Black Lagoon about a girl who falls in love with the son of a creature man. Create a writing persona who pens military thriller potboilers that are explici...
feb 19
Only thing sillier than taking Razzies seriously is taking Oscars seriously. One’s an absurdist troll, the other’s a popularity contest where the privileged & the narcissistic vote on who’s...
feb 17
I like to think that an ice pirate would be all like “Unshiver Me Timbers!” Every Lord Huron song sounds like it is from a late 90s Miramax trailer. Like, it starts with the Huron song and en...
feb 15
You know what’d be a fun name for a horror movie? THE EMERGENCE BROADCASTING SYSTEM. I don’t know what the magazine BUTTER HOMES AND GORGONS would be about but I saw it in a dream and approve...
feb 13
The rise of the zombies would be pretty interesting at, like, the circus cemetery. Twenty clowns all clawing up through the exact same grave. Soylent Hair Care is the human conditioner. I w...
feb 11
There are worse ways to spend your day than trying to convince people that the song “Take The A-Train” was a coded message about doing butt stuff. Abbot and Costello but it’s The Hobbit and E...
feb 9
No, the BEST way to keep Tobey Maguire in the Spider-Man films would be to film a sequel called THE SPIDER HOUSE RULES. You know you wanna hear Sir Michael Caine say “Goodnight, you princes of ...
feb 7
If you want to study accents, you’re going to have to watch a lot of people making their vowel movements. In Soviet Old Navy, performance fleeces YOU! One of the beauties of the English lan...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
