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Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

by Park Row Fallout

Entries 367

Page 3 of 15

November 21, 2019

Familiar Anxiety

The feeling I am experiencing? Is familiar as hell. It is the same feeling I had when trying to break up with Abusive Ex. It is the same feeling I had when leaving Steve’s Shoes for the last t...


November 21, 2019

A Normal Entry

So… last night and today… Last night before I left work, Wife asked me to pick up some Vice Grips as the Washing Machine Repair man came back (3rd time) and “fixed” the machine… it did not fix th...


November 20, 2019

An Embarrassing Admission

I may have written a lot lately but that’s how I process. I write, then I get input. Not because I want to air my dirty laundry but because I am an attorney very much in the style of Harvey Two...


November 20, 2019

Minds and Hearts

So… some people have been reading the words of these pages since I first started in 2013. You’ve stayed to read things from “Am I ever going to have sex with my Wife again?” to “I’m so upset tha...


November 19, 2019

Endings

Play is over. I am feeling physically sore and very tired. But that isn’t the only aftermath left, of course. Honestly, I’m not even sure if “Emily” will follow up with me about anything. She ...


November 17, 2019

Wrap Up

Show happened. Roughest one yet; but people still loved it. The actress playing my sister was a little over the top today; so I pulled mine back as a compensation. Still hit the real tears, thou...


November 17, 2019

The Day

So, my parents are here. I gave the parents a tour of the house, we played with the dog, and Dad is watching football. My mom, who everyone always calls a saint, is sitting with my wife. As my...


November 17, 2019

Highlights from Last Night

I sent my therapist an e-mail explaining things. In our session, I had discussed the problems with wife and I had discussed quite literally the “scenarios” I posted here as to how I would feel i...


November 16, 2019

A Question of Àm

This entry is a direct follow up, exploration, and analysis relating to THIS entry. I really must be demanding and insist that if you wish to note this entry, you MUST read the previous one. I’...


November 16, 2019

Achrannach

So I suppose it wouldn’t really be my life if there wasn’t something complicated, unexpected, or difficult thrown in at just the right moment to make me feel a need to write about it. Therein li...


November 15, 2019

Pete Dumbowski

Today is the first show of my play. It isn’t the public showing; it is the Charity Showing. Public shows start tomorrow. I have mentioned repeatedly that my character is… well… basically me. ...


November 14, 2019

Yeah, it's a third

So… my ADULT Entry today, I don’t consider a real entry. I started it in October, collected all of the data in October, ran most of the numbers in October, and just posted it today because I fig...


November 13, 2019

Today

I am feeling… emotionally hollowed out about now. Play Practice last night went poorly. That is actually GOOD. Week of the show, you want a few rehearsals to feel rocky because if you peak ear...


November 13, 2019

As I Sit

As I sit and count the minutes down that will signal the end of this work day, I am somewhat absorbed by a notion. Call it vanity. Call it hubris. Call it fear. I get an image in my head of m...


November 13, 2019

Just... need to say

So… yesterday, I drank and played video games and fell further into the sucking abyss that is my situation. Wife went to the laundromat and had dinner ready for me when I returned from play ...


November 12, 2019

Nightmares and Insights

Today is Veteran’s Day. Which means it was an optional work day for me. Which is to say… it is supposed to be a day where I am not supposed to go to work; but my boss scheduled something for to...


November 11, 2019

In Review

May discuss some stuff that was previously Friends Only, so be aware. So yesterday… I got into the car to grab some snacks for the party. Second weekend, second party. And on the radio? A stor...


November 09, 2019

In The Court of Appeals

Always nice when an Iowa Court Case gets national attention. Benjamin Schreiber is a convicted murderer who was sentenced to serve a life-sentence in the Iowa Department of Corrections. He is ...


November 08, 2019

Public, but iffy

I’m making this entry public. I probably shouldn’t. This is one of those things where keeping it public invites criticism and a whole world of mean, nasty, or judgmental comments. And I apprec...


November 06, 2019

Blurb or Blerb?

Which spelling do you prefer? I’ve seen it both ways and I would personally make the argument that the factual, actual correct spelling is “blurb” but at the same time I do see the value in “ble...


November 02, 2019

Scream Shout

Well, in a new record we got Wife to “shouting at the absolute top of her lungs in rage” within 38 minutes of MBFITWW arriving. Yesterday, she did not want to help me cook and said, “Let’s save t...


November 02, 2019

Just a burst

Forgive me if the language I use in this entry offends, it is not intended to. However, I find that occasionally, I feel a need to be blunt. Dropping the pretenses of diplomacy or well-mannered...


November 01, 2019

Dreams

I had a multi-stage narrative dream last night and if I don’t write it down… I’m likely to kick myself. BEGIN It was morning of a court hearing day, but the courthouse was a unique blend of IF an...


November 01, 2019

Momentary Feeling

I find myself.... restless. Which I find combines with my curiosity in unfortunate ways. Because, you see, they are competing impulses for me at this moment. I want to sit, and read, and learn ...


October 30, 2019

Just bitching

Here is some more bitching from me on a tired and shitty topic. You know how I have a full time job? And how, even in slow days, I am at work AT MINIMUM from 7:30 to 5:00? You know how Wife tak...


Book Description

This will now be my sixth year writing in Prosebox. I started as a Law Student considering Divorce… and now I’m a Government Attorney who owns a house going to marriage counseling. After 6 consecutive years of “Looking for something new or better” this year, I’m just trying to hold on to what I’ve got. I like my job. I like my community. I like my house. I’m just trying to hold on to all of it and make sure I keep things going.