nothispenelope
Entries 3,167
Page 122 of 127
motivation, fear and uhm. openness. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
Yeah sso another thing I remember about Tues. a.m. when he called is telling him 'sometimes fear's a great motivator'. I don't remember his reponse. but it's like I hope to god you do the right t...
yeah so i'm out of it right now due to my ED and. stuff. Ok so now I have survivor guilt as well as 'normal guilt'. er I mean the other kindof guilt. Evan's still here far as I know. I texted h...
Yeah so um. fuk it's been a taxing.........uh...........almost day and a half. So last........night between 5 and 6 Evan phones and says he's having a health crisis and he's going [in]to the hos...
ok everyone so I have news. *evan* in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
So he phoned me today and he's. he's here. not sure how ok he is but he's here.
I haven't heard anything official since his mom hasn't called me. [again yet]. But I think that Evan um. he left. as in, he ............oh god. he physically left.us. [ok so to clarify: he's no...
yeah um. the ex. thing. in My ex.
yeah so. been awhile since I've last written. er, blogged. rather. so I didn't like. expect my ex not to be w/ anyone. else. I just didn't want him to be. like it's not a requirement or anything...
jekyll hyde gemini both *evan* in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
yeah so he. evan I mean. makes [or he did when we were actually talking and he wasn't distracted/spiking out] me feel cared about. like his queen. like he will literally stay by my side while I r...
so, saw the ex yesterday in My ex.
as in literally actually saw him. not as in got together w/. him. at least I think it was him. i'm 50 - 70% sure. I was on the bus coming back from cherry creek to my house [which is in aurora....
um. trust SA evan thing. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
um so yeah [what a great way to begin an entry]. so...........wow. being cheated on is not a good feeling. no. I don't like that plan [I was last yr. btw]. I want to trust him [sorry. 'him' bei...
rebounding trust SA and um. something. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
Ya know ok so. in dec. of last yr [2012 that 'yr'. again my yr is the school/tv yr not the actual yr] I was again sexually traumatised. in Feb. my ex and I broke up. in March Sage passed. And ...
yeah so um. for those uninformed [which I think is most everyone who reads tthis. I don't talk about it much] almost a yr ago I. lost my battle w/ anorexia. and then I came back. Evan was ther...
Fear, in general in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
I think that. Fear is a good response to some situations I think that it's a necessary response and an understandable one. um. well that's really it.
um. So since karlye went the way she did i'm afraid. well which I was before. of losing my friends. um. I guess i'm afraid that when something happens to a friend, i.e. a breakup they'll be so d...
not everyone gets another chance at life. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
not everyone's that lucky. But I was. I got another chance last May. and I've gotten another.....and another.........and so on they. just weren't as bad as the one in May. yeah um. I don't reme...
he's not the only one who needs clarity in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
This new format is really damn annoying I don't like it at all. it used to be you'd have the page and at the top was like. the font bar thingy [I have no idea what it's actually called] and then ...
on the ex front in My ex.
um so. I haven't talked to my ex since sept. of this yr. [not the calander yr. the school yr. that's what I mean when I say 'this yr.' from sept. - may. so I mean sept. 2013]. For those uninform...
so yeah. more on this. Ya know. last yr. - March actually - when evan and I started hanging out again. sure he was ranty and upset and emotional [well I mean who wouldn't be? his, our, best frie...
yeah so Evan news. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
um well he's here, a. he finally got at me after 2.5 months of not. on the 27th. and ya know. I wasn't super excited about it like usual. like yeah it was nice esp. cause I'd been so worried and ...
well ef. yeah ptsd. and evidency. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
'evidency' that a word? idk i'm tired. I probably meant 'efidence'. evidence*. damnit. sorry ok. i'ma start over: my ptsd's become more evident. yeah. there we go. um so. I've started having ...
yeah so relapses suck. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
nothing new there. Clearly as evidenced by the title I've relapsed. yet again. [I'm referring to anorexia btw]. in response to 'the Karlye thing'. and also. all my other excuses/reasons for no...
um Karlye was. a friend of mine in elementary school who .......... 10 yrs. ago this coming Oct. [Oct. 2014 that is] ..........left, of her own accord. she did it in a reform school place. li...
So, Pat. ready to talk about it. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
So, Pat aka Sage was my best friend who passed last March from a brain aneurism. no one knew. He was in his 40's. It took me about. a yr. to talk about it w/ someone other than his friends, fami...
still here in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
sorry I've not been on much recently. I moved 3 wks. ago and we didn't have internet at the house until yesterday [Tues]., so. but yeah. i'm still here. <3
moving day in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
Yeah so as put. it's moving day.
yeah so the superbowl in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.
yeah I know. i'm centuries late to the party. um the superbowl. wasn't v. good. I liked the commercials better than the actual game. and the halftime performance. Bruno Mars is really talented.
