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Frank’s earliest memory was as a toddler of a mere fourteen, his species’ equivalent of three. His parents went off into the other room to talk to the local healers about his stunted growth, “he ...

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1.) “Will I still be myself when I am a butterfly,” the caterpillar asked “or will I be dead and the butterfly just takes my place?” as he entered his existential chrysalis. 2.) I had the dream a...

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1.) Sell giant omelettes under the name “omes”. Who’s gonna stop you? NOBODY. 2.) I feel like we could put together a pretty strong “90s Rock - Everyone In The Band But The One You Wanted To See”...

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1.) A parody of “Jolene” about how gross poutine is? “Poutine, poutine, pou-tine, POU-TINE, why use gravy to ruin good cheese fries?” 2.) A pro-vax rap about measles vaccinations to the tune of t...

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1.) Who hamburgles the hamburglemen? Ask not for whom the ham burgles. It burgles for thee. 2.) The Maltese Falcon hatched from an egg maguffin. 3.) The main problem with writing a parody of Tot...

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1.) Why call it Italian red wine when you can call it “Naples Syrup”? 2.) Put Schrodinger’s cat and Pavlov’s dog together and every time a bell rings, maybe you die. 3.) You will perform metal s...

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1.) Half-man, half-fish, all death. Jeffery Dahmermaid. 2.) I mean, yeah, we could write a parody of the Guess Who’s “American Woman” about Oktoberfest and call it Bavarian Woman. It would never ...

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1.) Your musical about a nun with synesthesia on the run from Nazis will be called THE TASTE OF MUSIC. 2.) The site was crawling with stock brokers, it was full investation, the place was doomed....

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In general, humanity’s most prominent landmarks tend to fall into one of three broad categories: marvels of nature, marvels of engineering and marvels intentionally symbolizing a narrative the d...

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1.) If Persephone had thrown up in an attempt to not be trapped in the underworld by Hades, would that be “vomegranate”? 2.) Count Von Count’s here to do two things: kick ass and take numbers. An...

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some of us have demons some of us have ghosts most of us possess both all of us have something but most of us have both I have a lot more ghosts than I do demons I guess but that’s not somethin...

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coping with loneliness is like flexing a muscle for a while, it is just a normal thing you have to do sometimes but too long, it’s a cramp then a full charliehorse until the point you’ve been ...

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you can easily craft a fiction out of all facts a fan wears his lucky socks every game from the first tip the team he roots for wins the championship the...

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it was one if by land and was two if by sea second-time as a farce when at first tragedy so go the bald racist exceptionalist myths that once built America now return and burn...

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1.) I know little about image creation but I’m pretty sure a well-crafted rendering of a Goth Sloth would probably go memetic. 2.) A book called “Vernon Dursley And The Creepy Nephew With The Abi...

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1.) “I now call to order this month’s meeting of the state hysterical society” the well-dressed woman intoned and then everyone in the room started screaming at the top of their lungs. 2.) A film...

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1.) Your yearly reminder that the least funny day to make jokes or play pranks is April Fools Day. When everyone’s expecting it, it isn’t funny. You’re like an amateur hour drinker on New Years o...

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1.) Your NIN parody about reverse centaurs will be called “Head Like A Horse”. 2.) I feel like we are only about three years away from a coffee commerical with a rap jingle called “Crank That Fol...

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1.) We could update the story to be about John Ennui, the steel-drivin’ emo scenekid. 2.) There are few better things on a Saturday afternoon than baseball on the teevee and enough coffee to kill...

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1.) You can easily make a fiction out of all facts. A fan wears his lucky socks every game. His team wins the championship. These things have nothing to do with each other but put together withou...

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“How about this title,” she turned to her wife with a pause so pregnant doctors would induce a labor were it not just a metaphor, “Pastrami Ennui.” Her professor wife looked up from her pile of b...

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1.) Following youtube way too much, it’s funny how “having a baby” is becoming part of a scripted progression to being a “lifestyle youtuber”. You run out of food to cook or challenges to accept ...

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1.) When writing fiction based on real people places or events, the key is to try and stick to the real, unless something made-up would be more emotionally true, then go with that. Like how Roger...

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1.) Does the worm in a tequila bottle violate Lenten Friday laws? 2.) The more fictional the story, the more you can actually talk about the raw feelings of your life, without feeling like a melo...

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1.) This NCAA tournament needs to be sponsored by Tums because it is chalky as hell. 2.) I wouldn’t wish my nightmares on the worst person in the world, even when I’m in a mood when I think I’m t...

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