Azzura

Silence is loud

Entries 129

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Sometimes it feels like your the only mediocre guy left on earth. How we met waa cosmic. To me at least. I never let people in like that. You are dangerous. This I know. And i am dangerous  i...


Like Ariel you took my voice When i saw you I knew i could not sing The names piled on top of me I felt humilated and ashamed Never at the time Realizing that shame belongs to you But instead ...


What you did. Was nothing  special. But it was special You were special I cared about you. I guess i shouldnt  have It bled me dry. I knew it. But i couldn't  stop. I dont know why. But i k...


"I could kill  you  and make it look  like an accident" - Drew Peterson Also.my ex boyfriend who tried to kill me said the same thing. Just saw a promo just now on t.v for a story about the mur...


So fought  with Nas. Hes just a fuck boi really. My sister triggers the fuck out of me. I want to be close to her  at times but i just  cant. So negative  and accusatory  of everyone.  Judging....


So had a dream  about my rapist last night. Except in real life he is dead. He was shot dead a block away from where I live now. It was freaky because in the dream I KNEW he was supposed to be ...


So today going to try to let things flow. Scratch that not try. I get so anxious. Its all because i think i NEED to do certain things.  And i dont. I need to allow myself to flow and let things...


So hurt by nas. Hes the only real person  in my life and he fucks me than ignores me. Such an asshole. I always feel so used. I dont understand why he does that. I told him not to speak to me aga...


This is what you did to me. Growing  up and still I feel so guilty all the time  and like i am a burden. I always feel like i have to say the right  kind compassionate wise thing. Sometimes  i d...


We often…(I often…get caught up  in small details…the past the future  the bad  small things  in life) That we dont look at the bigger picture in life. Who we are. Isnt our mistakes. Just being...


So i got caught up in negative stiffling energy today. Im still trying to shake it off. Its been relentless. But im trying to do my best  to relax and calm down.  Its not easy. I have so much a...


Made all these big changes Which i am confident  about But still scared Because they were big decisions  And  theres nothing  really but me Thats left. The future seems so unknown  I dont k...


Just woke up from a bad dream. I dont want tl talk about it in detail  but it was  about my childhood.  I often have nightmares. Almost weekly really. Its really haunting  and fusterating as i ...


February 26, 2018

Denial in The Beginning of the End

Betraying myself By liking you Because i really dont So empty Craving a rush Even if the love is fake Its too painful Need to run away Need to fuck you over Pleading begging Wanting som...


I never feel like i can do anything right I should have waited longer. Im selfish and stupid and worthless. I just dont have anyone else. Im doing the best that i can .if i had someone other th...


February 23, 2018

Hollow in The Beginning of the End

Feel empty People around just disappoint I cant connect They wont connect  to me Let down Hope this  will pass Till than this is where i am I guess i just go on I just go through  the mome...


February 22, 2018

Surviving in The Beginning of the End

I knew But there was nothing i can do I was trapped Scared Going out of my mind Didnt know. What to do. I got very sick. Because you terrorized me. My world became smaller. Before i knew ...


Broken arm bruising i had. 2septembers ago my ex broke my arm flipped out  and put about an 8 inch chef knife to me and shoved me into a bathroom where he threatened  to stab me if i didnt remo...


Even desperation is planning for me And when the desperation plan doesnt work Its a blessing in disguise Even when it hurts And its fusterating Because life goes on The day end And tommoro...


So here’s my cliche poem I just wrote after calling him and him being a jerk and giving me the cold shoulder. I needed to write it even though it’s not that good and pretty cliche. Need you I d...


February 17, 2018

Reality in The Beginning of the End

So not much more bad can happen to me lately that I would be c9mpletely shocked about really. People are fucked. Systems are fucked. Most people are really ugly inside and out. No shocker there...


February 16, 2018

Defence in The Beginning of the End

Don't  tell  me my defense is assault You get what you give sometimes And that's what I try to be Lady  karma Seem cold  hard and it hurts eh? Well guess what ? That what you are While that...


February 16, 2018

Dancing in The Beginning of the End

 You like Dancing around th3  truth I like dancing to the beat of my own drum


February 16, 2018

Loss in The Beginning of the End

Here's the thing with me I'm an emotional person But I'm not a weak person with no self esteem Or identity I know who i am and who I am not I get devastated by loss But I never ever stay th...


Can't continue to make excuses for you Will not baby you You know what your doing So you run to your enablers People weaker than me More desperate than me More blind. I can't take it anymo...


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