Silence is loud

Entries 165

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4 days ago

cry in Aftermath

im overwhelmed with the state of my apt right now. i am outside i went to pick up some weed. talked to my mom. i read N email from my sister i cried. i am sad i dont hVe the relationship i wi...

April 23, 2020

roller coaster in Aftermath

so i am getting a bit of a 2nd wind or something. i should try to go to sleep soon though. I love both my cats so much. People not so much. they can fuck right off basically. blah. I am strug...

December 06, 2019

Product in Aftermath

Well I;m not a product I will not further your productivity It's all just negativity I am a human fucking being Why does everything have to be about selling Why the fuck  do I have a best by...

October 14, 2019

Aftermath in Aftermath

Surprised i am not having any nightmares about the shooting or dreams about smoking because i quit. I dont know about you but October is a crazy month for me. And on the news it seems like craz...

October 13, 2019

7 days and a shooting in Aftermath

7 days and a shooting. So its a week smoke free and i was beside a guy who got shot last night. Last night i went out and as me and a friend were waiting for the streetcar home a guy started ...

October 09, 2019

Quit Smoking Day 3 in Aftermath

So Day 3 of no smoking. Apparently this is supposed to be the worst day and it was the easiest. I had alot more energy and a better more positive attitude about everything. I waa in the elevato...

October 09, 2019

2 doink guys in Aftermath

2 doink guys So i told both of the sort of guys in my life how sick I am and all that shit. One fucking left me on read. The other one i have no fucking clue as I deleted the convo as to not ...

October 08, 2019

Smoke Free Day 2 in Aftermath

Day 2 of quitting smoking and what do you know? Im on my period as well.... Cramps like crazy. My medicine regiment as well is pretty hardcore for me for my cold and possible underlying lung d...

October 07, 2019

Quitting smoking in Aftermath

I dont completely want to quit smoking but I HAVE to me being rushed to the hospital a few nights ago not able to breathe on oxygen nebulizers for 7 hours waa torture and scary, and it could have...

So I just got back from the hospital I was there since 6 am. I have a cold but it just kept getting worse. I woke up from a fitful sleep vommiting and could breathe. Was really scary and confusi...

September 30, 2019

Shitty poem in Aftermath

Drowning Never busy Make time for you Alone At home How do I even know if im alive Am i  better off alone I dont know Do i have a person Or am i my person? I dont know

So this guy i knew i recently googled him out of the blue. And i found out from a major editorial outlet online as of last year he was charged with 2 counts of sexual assault. An article follow...

Tommorow is the anniversary of the day my ex finally tried to kill me once and for all. I think its been three years now. The last few years have been hard. The last year was when the peace bond ...

September 19, 2019

My Almost Death anni in Aftermath

September 29th 2017 I was almost killed by my ex of 2 years. I met him in college years before. He physically assaulted me and I left immediately. I graudated almost failed from his harassing and...

September 19, 2019

Dreams in Aftermath

I had a dream last night about meeting another person in my building who had a bad experience too with my ex friend neighbour. It was a cathartic dream in some ways. She told me about another pla...

September 07, 2019

Close neighbours to cold war in Aftermath

When I first moved I became friends with a woman who I now suspect is a narcassist. It became very whirlwind with her very fast. Several times she would start fights with me to the point where I...

September 07, 2019

Abuse in Aftermath

So I am 32 years old and I feel like such a child Still. My father was molesting me as well as my bro sis and Mom growing up. As well as physical mental and emotional abuse. As a result I have ...

September 04, 2019

Done. Did. in Aftermath

You are so Irrevocably broken Damaged Stone wall Silencer One trick pony I knew the whole time you were a phoney Broken telephone Scratched record on repeat. Ill be fine You? I dont kn...

June 27, 2019

Good in Aftermath

So it's kind of good I drank yesterday so I didn't drink today. Since I will be cleaning up Tommorow   I hope to.get  down to business and catch up on all of that shit that  accumulated  this mo...

February 16, 2019

Validation in Aftermath

I want validation from people. But the right kind. From the right people. But sometimes I see myself buying into all the wrong kind. It buoys me up. It sustains me. Sometimes it’s the only k...

February 02, 2019

Raw in Aftermath

I feel so raw right now. I hurt. I feel exposed. I feel vulnerable. Dont touch me. I’ll flinch away. I am feeling everything. I cant stop. I cant distract. I cant look away. I cant forget. All I...

November 25, 2018

Bonded. No soul. in Elm

You dont have a soul I don’t think If you did you buried it a long time ago No humanity No love No sentiment to you Just pure instinct Scratching crawling Trying to get on top Trying to stay...

November 23, 2018

Bad brain in Riverdale

Bad brain Still the same Act out Sound crazy But your acting too sane Calling me mamm Like I’m not going to complain Fuck you bitch For thinking With your brain Not your heart Your soul ...

October 23, 2018

Goodbye in Riverdale

You pushed pushed and pushed Mercicessly With glee Like itd never end Like id always be there Like i would still care Poked me with a hot prod Until i became cold I got the fuck up I was a...

October 02, 2018

Dying to Live in Riverdale

Time. Its never really mine. I am always hustling. Desperate for so little. Whats the fucking point? They say wait. For fucking what? Seems like Ive been waiting all my life. And all ive been...

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