Entries 3,459
Page 38 of 139
june 2
Photosynthesis means that for plants, every meal is a light meal. Bob Dylan was the first mumblecore rapper. Eminem sampling Warren G to rap about Mom’s spaghetti with the hit “Ragu Late”. ...
june 1
When you write out “N.Y.U.” without punctuation or capitalization, it looks like an anime-fetish sound-word-thing. “nyu nyu”. Just realized that today. Seemed worth sharing. In some ways, it’...
may 31
. The real question for my generation, of course, is “Who was your ship on Nickelodeon’s Out of Control?” Mine, of course, was Davequickly as Diz was to be mine, goddamn it. A compressed misu...
may 30
The detectives searched the BDSM club thoroughly, from top to bottom. Hear me out: a James Cameron bio-pic starring Michael Gross, the dad from FAMILY TIES, in the lead role. Stare into the...
may 29
So many ASMR videos on YouTube seem to be about getting shyly flirted with by a lady barber or masseuse. What does this say about our collective psyche, about our culture’s weird obsession with...
may 28
TEMPURA HIGHWAY, WHERE THE… FOOD’S FRIED… WHERE THE BATTER’S LIGHTER, THE TASTE IS BRIGHTER THAN… SUNSHINE… An Alanis Morissette parody about Tarantino called “Show Him Your Feet”. If some ...
may 27
It is Elon Musk’s new MUSK WHEEL. It is a five-sided perfect pentagon. It just barely works at all. Tens of thousands of men in fedoras losing their shirts on Dogecoin declare “A GENIUS REINVEN...
may 26
Claire Saffitz video. She is making English muffins. I start hearing the classic rock song “slow ride” as “DOUGH RISE”. This is what it is like to live in my head. Eventually, an ideologue ei...
may 25
It must be difficult being an archeologist searching for an extant piece of Jesus Christ’s carpentry. The jokes about “getting a stool sample” must be endless. Nonsense is an effective weapon...
may 24
The Flying Nun’s similarly gifted cousin, The Air Friar. The ATF is coming for you if your smokeless tobacco isn’t up to snuff. There are no accidents or isolated incidents but there sure a...
may 23
Cloudy omen, scrawled into the street, cloudy omen, what fate will we meet, cloudy omen… I can’t foresee it, will you come true, just what exactly should we do… mercy… At a certain point of a...
may 22
A movie about Lot and Lot’s wife’s love-life called PILLAR TALK. Names that can be sung to the beat of “Elanor Rigby” : Jessica Simpson. In Soviet Russia, thirty-day trial offers YOU. Whe...
may 21
Is a bong-water enema a high colonic? Jordan Peterson’s gonna make a kids show called “Yo Goebbels Goebbels”. The song kept asking “Who got the Hooch?” but we all knew the answer. It was Tu...
may 20
The Tachyon. It’s just a matter of time. Crack yourself open an MRE… a meme ready to enjoy. The demarcation between the North and the South is the “Boutta-Fixin Line”. An aged vigilante w...
may 19
A SUPER hot avocado dip called UNHOLY GUACAMOLE. LESS YOGA PANTS, MORE TOGA PANTS Glider-Man, Glider-Man, friendly neighborhood Glider-Man, slowly falls through the sky, wishes he could rea...
may 18
Why be “Rasputin” when you could be “FELONIOUS MONK”? A parody of “Shipoopi” from THE MUSIC MAN about ninja video games “Shinobi”. Garfield + Arbuckle = Garfunkle. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW. ...
may 17
With Rupert Friend trending because of some Star Wars thing or another, all I can imagine is a really confusing conversation between Rupert and Frankenstein. “Rupert Friend?” “Rupert Friend?” “...
may 16
The fact that we are accelerating toward a situation where cryptocurrency will be literally worse for the environment than paper money backed by barrels of crude oil is so deeply 2021. Greed ki...
may 15
Okay, when the bars start opening up again, here’s the best name for a band ever: Greg T. Nelson. The French have a saying for when you have the exact minimum of something and any less would ...
may 14
The worst movie merchandising of all time would be a King Kong kink gong. A parody of that “I Don’t Believe The Hype” song about a woman who knows a guy is lying about his height on an online...
may 13
“I thought you may need a snack after a long evening fighting murder clowns, sir.” “Thanks, Alfred, set it next to the Bat-Computer.” “Your hot-butlered popcorn, sir.” “My what?” Alfred holds a...
may 12
The best, the brightest, they are quicksilver, gossamer, dissolve like breath in winter, too pure for this botched earth. Its on the rest of us to hold to their commission, do good with our lim...
may 11
LESS WHODUNNIT, MORE WHYDUNNIT. A generation that knows how to rest but has never known how to truly relax. Even if we’re laid off, even if we’re locked-down-in, even if we sleep ten hours st...
may 10
If anyone asks you about your dental check-up, just say you had a cavity search. It’s technically true. A head canon where there’s panic at the disco because of the arcade fire next door, cas...
may 9
She was the master of mapping out the endocrine system, a regular Gland McNally. The Razzies aren’t enough, we need The Baities, an award ceremony for the worst Oscar-bait shallow failed “art...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
