Entries 3,429
Page 26 of 138
july 3
A story about a warlock making a deal with an aquatic eldritch horror called PACT TO THE GILLS. “For you, Nermal,” Garfield said, Nermal’s knife holding unsteadily at Garfield’s throat, “the ...
july 1
The world’s greatest mash-up would somehow stitch together that LCD Soundsystem “New York I Love You But You’re Bringing Me Down” / Miles Davis solo mash-up WITH the Bacon Pancakes / Empire Sta...
june 29
An NES video game based on the early ’60s sitcom “I’m Dickens, He’s Fenster” called “FENSTER’S QUEST”. (Bonus points, it would also be based on a John Astin starring television show!) Spider-...
june 27
You know what’s interesting? Truncating fast food slogans. Burger King: HAVE IT. Subway: EAT. McDonalds: FOOD. Taco Bell: YO. Accountants are offended when you call them your “tally ho”. Even...
june 25
The only difference between Trump and Musk is the generation. In the 80s, the dullard fail-son of a rich guy craving attention would get into real estate scams. In the 2010s, the same guy gets ...
june 23
We’re thinking about this whole “Morbius 2: It’s Morbin Time” thing all wrong. What if it’s a movie about a fictionalized version of the making of Morbius, where Jared Leto is actually a vampir...
june 21
DICK TRACY IN THE MULTIVERSE OF MANLIS. Live-tweeting The Tonys seems like a particular kind of hell even I wouldn’t subject myself to… and I’m the guy who should be paid 400 grand a year to ...
june 19
A head-canon where the meme character “Jeff The Killer” turns out to have been Geoffrey The Giraffe from Toys ‘R’ Us all along and that’s why they had to close the chain, to shield them from fu...
june 17
An agnostic God who has trouble believing in Himself. A Dungeons & Dragons character concept: a tabaxi that took the Chef feat named Taybaxi after the acclaimed character actor Vic Taybac...
june 15
The wonderful thing about writing in flash is the way it forces you to write the exact opposite of Dickens. We aren’t being paid a penny a word so we must describe every curtain and cloud to ea...
june 13
They could’a called DUDE WHERE’S MY CAR or PINEAPPLE EXPRESS or HAROLD AND KUMAR or any of those flicks “BROMANCING THE STONED” but, again, they haven’t put me in charge of naming everything ye...
june 11
The Punisher crossed over with Eminem, the Punisher crossed over with Archie but Marvel still hasn’t given us “Judge Judy & Executioner” and they know it’s wrong, they’re just afraid of the...
june 9
With decades of age, I’ve come to realize that organized fandom is the problem, not being a fan of a thing. It’s like religion. Disorganized faith helps some get through life but once there’s a...
june 7
Are there really people feeling nostalgic for Top Gun? Top Gun. Really. It’s one thing to watch it & say “that was dumb fun, I don’t feel I wasted my time”, sure. But “this is a cultural to...
june 5
To redeem Dr. Octopus, Spidey should’ve just used otto-correct. A gig’s a spear they use to ensnare helpless fish to eat them & that’s why it’s called the “gig economy”. A brand’s a thing...
june 3
Don’t mind me. Just singing Van Halen’s “Panama” as “Enema” at the top of my lungs. As one does. For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only lightcycle, that whoever believes in ...
june 1
You know you’re getting old when you’re starting to notice the baseball players’ moms more than their girlfriends. Sometimes, we’re not even lucky enough for the past to repeat itself. Someti...
may 30
I wonder if when people get mad at Stevie Nicks, they just yell “STEPHANIE NICHOLAS!” at her, like as if that’s her full legal, and it shames her into behaving. Everybody’s like carbon-neutra...
may 28
Whenever more than three women come together to smoke weed, that’s officially an easy-bake coven. Carls Sr was good friends with James Jonathon. Making a good stew is a thyme-consuming proc...
may 26
A really interesting fast food tie-in would be a promotion called “Terence Trent D’Arbys”. If Natalie Portman and Topher Grace hooked up, their celebrity couple portmanteau would be Portmanto...
may 24
If instead of 15 minutes of fame, everyone got three months of hip-hop stardom, we could have a show called “90-Day Beyonce”. I just came up with the most revolting phrase in the English lang...
may 22
Are there true-crime podcasts that cover fictional killers in-universe yet? Like two hipsters doing a deep-dive on what the general public would actually know about Michael Myers or Norman Bate...
may 20
The prank war had escalated to the point where the farmer’s friend had replayed his hay bales with marijuana. There was no doubt about it now: the steaks were high. Probably the best idea I’v...
may 18
At the GLAAD awards, is the celebrity swag bag a GLAAD bag? Today I learned, in an earlier version of Dungeons & Dragons, there was a spell called “Protection from Law” and I just think, ...
may 16
When they change the actors playing Ronald MacDonald, that’s a McRegeneration. You know what would be worse than Yahoo Serious? His lascivious cousin, Yahoo Sensuous. But what is a wizard’s...
Book Description
originally, I went to college to be a comedy writer
the urge to still generate short form ideas remains
I collect, once or twice a day, my one-liner jokes
and my germs of ideas that I litter on social media
into little collections I call “barrages”
and then I put them here
sometimes
