Entries 199
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Spiral
I spiraled, trying to figure out whether i qualify for teacher student loan forgiveness. Everyone i spoke to was nice, but they couldn’t really answer my questions. Here’s the lowdown: To qualify...
Outpouring/the path is the goal
”When the mind’s activity is stilled, we see life as it is.” I read a book last month, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times. It was the beginning of perhaps a “growth spurt” i...
the ease of polyamory
I am going to talk about the ease (Jamie), as i was musing on it yesterday, but i also want to get into the therapy work i have been a part of in regards to intimate relationships (Ian). Plus a l...
Dreams
I forgot to talk about a really creepy dream i had last night. I think i have all of the parts, but i am not sure i will get them organized the way in which they unfolded. I am with my sister (my...
When the day is done
So many words i could share, we will see what spills out this morning. Yesterday i was thinking that i would love to have hair the color of the morning. Ian said it would be various shades of pe...
Home
It is a slightly different day, today. I have a training this morning, so i am absent the first part of the day. It was hard to get myself up and go to the gym, so my second choice was yoga and m...
The Sensual World
Today i spent quality time with music i haven’t heard in a while, a lot of Bob Dylan. I started the morning and bright blue skies with Royal Albert Hall 1966 (over 50 years ago!). I am currently ...
The waves at night
A couple of thoughts: I’d like to live more in the moment and think less about the immediate future. I find myself thinking about what plans i have for the next couple months and how fast time is...
Overworked
Sometimes i get to a point where i feel i can’t organize everything in my brain. I feel generalized anxiety, even though there is not much to really worry about. My body has been hurting more th...
Tension & Trauma Release Exercises (TRE)
Here is a video introducing TRE, which i have been doing for about a year now. It’s been instrumental in my mental health and addressing my childhood trauma issues. I’ve been taking private class...
Firecracker
This morning’s text has me wiggling in my seat, “I know i would much rather be fiddling around in your drawers than whatever it is i am actually doing.”
like kids
TMI entry: forewarning, this entry has sexual content Like kids: me (so very close to 40) and he, 47…woke in the middle of the night- his first night ever sleeping in my bed- to that lust. The in...
You know that feeling
The one where you don’t want to say goodbye and you want to adjust your plans to see that person again? I am out of town next weekend and won’t see Ian. I feel like my brain is taken up by him. I...
anxiety~paranoia~lightness
Its good to write directly after i see my therapist. As i was driving home, a few thoughts were bubbling up because today was a more emotional session. Often now, and definitely in the past, i’ve...
the honest light
morning, the light i love the most. i don’t want unnatural light to get in the way of basking in the honest morning light. What brings you joy? Morning light brings me joy. in multiple areas i’v...
Like 9 months in
The last three times that Ian and I have scheduled dates, it’s been on snow or ice days. We’ve ended up at his place, exploring one another’s bodies and watching movies. We were talking the othe...
willingness, compassion, clarity
I am amazed at how many different, perhaps conflicting, emotions can be felt at one time. In therapy yesterday i explained how i felt in regards to my mother’s death. still calm sometimes walkin...
In spirit
“Holding you close from a ridiculous distance” Some people have such a way with words… (And it’s not me this time) My mom passed suddenly last night. The interventions were not working (getting ...
vainglorious
oh. what a word. Lately when i’ve gotten some doozers from word of the day emailed to me, i’ve shared with Ian thrasonical- boastful; vainglorious (he woke the next morning and opened a book to ...
graveyard explorations
”You couldn’t drive three hours to Seattle, but here you are climbing a graveyard fence.” Sh’nownigans, revisited on a non-snow day. I don’t think i will see Ian for like 2 or 3 weeks now, becaus...
post-apocolyptic train station
the last bits of my dream are slipping away, so i will start with the end and move back. My final words as i woke, “I need to be frank with you,” (he inserts a poor pun, which i love) “The lifest...
snow day
Today is the second day in a row that every school district in the area cancelled school. I think it was unnecessary, but i haven’t seen what other parts of the city look like. Now, yesterday’s s...
last vestiges of trailer trash, re
i;ve included part of my previous entry here My sister and i have been dealing with health issues with our mom. She lives in CA with her bother and has COPD. Her health has deteriorated to the po...
we are all waiting/last vestiges of trailer trash
for the snow. Who knows if it happens. One of my favorite phrases to use for the unexplained is “its magic”… but in no way do i feel that about meteorology. It seems like the news is just trying ...
waiting for a sign from you
not really, though. i stayed home today from work, took a personal day. Ian and i were jokingly calling it my “leisurely naughty” day. Date day tomorrow. 2:45 tomorrow we are meeting downtown p...
Book Description
Who knows?
